Rewatch and focus on the bodyguard's face.
So I recently posted this video in a private group of Black women who are fed the fuck up with seeing this man-child's face on their timelines (hence why I'm posting this at the Bar). Some sistas were amused, some were unbothered, but some were triggered, and I want to focus on that for a minute.
Many sistas were upset at this display of such obvious self-loathing - laid bare for all the world to see - because they immediately felt it somehow was a reflection of them, or the Black community as a whole. As though his failure is somehow our failure - no, it isn't. We have got to stop thinking that way.
I structured the title of this post deliberately, because I feel like this video is the equivalent of a breakthrough in therapy. When Polaroid Negro said he doesn't like Black women who are his complexion, I was like, "There. There it is. Thank you for saying it out loud."
The word "preference" currently carries a connotation of racism, colorism, fatphobia, transphobia, etc., but I want to add that it's a shield word used not only to deflect criticism, but to avoid any kind of soul-searching or self-examination. After all, why bother to admit that I feel like shit when I can simply try to make others feel like shit? I mean, misery loves company, right?
Dark-skinned sistas everywhere...it's not you, it's them. Sure, you're aware of this on a conscious level, but we all need to be aware of this on a deeper, instinctive level. We need to stop asking, "Well, what about his mother, his sister, etc.?" - fuck all that. It is not our job to educate and heal every Black man who displays signs of self-loathing. At best, this is dragging fodder to be used for our amusement and then discarded when someone else comes along and says something even dumber.
So if this video troubles you, I need you to watch it few more thousand times and really pay attention. This man-child doesn't like women who are his complexion. He thinks people who are his complexion are "gutter". He prefers light-skinned women because they are "easier to break down." (And his bodyguard is looking at him like, "Negro, is you crazy????")
If you want to feel sorry for him and express regret that whoever raised him didn't do their job...fine.
If you want to use this as an example of the toxic effect of colorism on our society...fine.
But what we're not gonna do is endanger our own mental health and overall well-being by stressing over the fact that this self-loathing, misogynistic, soon-to-be has-been is somehow Black women's problem - no, ma'am.
Black women, we have got to reach a point where men like this don't bother us. If dark-skinned Black men don't want to learn to appreciate the gift that is their ageless and wondrous melanin, that's on them, not us. Black women have to got lose that knee-jerk reaction of feeling and thinking like it's always on us. It's not. Our due diligence is to simply not raise men like this, and to boycott every public figure who talks like this. The only Black woman in his life who should be feeling any shame, regret, remorse, and/or insecurity right now is Kodak Black's mother*. We are not his mother, and we should not be trying to date guys like this. We should not be shedding any tears or wasting any time over men who subscribe to a colorist view.
We can do better. We deserve better.
*I am not mother-blaming here, I'm just saying that if there's any Black woman on Earth who should feel anything about his comments, it should be his mama (or grandmama, or whichever Black woman who had a hand in raising him).