#ChickenTendersTho: Black People, We Need to Have a Conversation

So I'm watching listening to this vlog by Izidora Storm, and whilst browsing the comments, I came across this right here (click to enlarge):

Did anybody else read that and have a "bitch, whet????" moment?

Before I begin, let me clarify that we are not here to discuss Izidora's video, colorism, or dating preferences.  I used the above hashtag for a reason.  Tonight's discussion will be focusing squarely on chicken tenders.

So pull up a stool, grab the strongest drink from the Bar, and buckle up, kids.

The first time I read this comment, my hearing automatically shut off and I missed the rest of the video.  My brain zeroed in on "chicken tenders."  This dude was bashing Black women for free chicken tenders, y'all.  *cue preacher voice* Now, I know...dear sistas and brothers, that Black people have been doing some hard time in the Sunken Place, but be that as it may, we got melanated menfolk out here hoein' themselves for chicken tenders.

You ever read something so messed up that it triggers repressed memories?

See, the second time I read the above comment, I was in denial.  I refused to believe that free drinks, desserts, and chicken tenders were so important to a Negro that he would sell his sisters down the river, spending his evenings spewing misogynoir to strangers just to get fed.  And let's be real...we know what kind of "restaurant" this is.  Whenever drinks, desserts, and chicken tenders all appear on the same menu, folks are really there for the chicken tenders.  The drinks are too expensive and the desserts ain't shit.  Thus, the chicken tenders are the real star in this equation.

By the third time I read the above comment, I started recalling shit from years past...memories of behaviors which never...quite...fully added up.  Like, they did...but then they didn't.  My first summer home from college, I'm having lunch at Bennigan's with the Red-Headed Sis (yes, this was THAT long ago).  This brotha from high school was busing the tables there part-time.  He recognized us, came over, struck up a convo, focused mainly on me, and laid the compliments on THICK.  Red actually thought some sort of romance was about to start so she was all encouraging and ish.  But even back then my pygmy sense would tingle when a Black man - or boy - would start talking to me like this.  In the back of my mind, I was wondering why this dude had basically pressed pause on his shift to come over and flirt shamelessly with me for nearly half an hour.  I was an angry-looking Gothic pygmy back then.  In high school, I always either looked like I'd just rolled out of a bed in a mental asylum in hell...or a malevolent medieval maiden - there was no in-between.

And we all know how flattering that first year of college usually is for women.

So I was really trying to figure why this dude was tryna holla at me with a straight face.  But then at one point Red caught him looking at our leftover biscuits/rolls, and offered him one.  And he was like, "Nah...I probably shouldn't", but then caved 2.36 seconds later.  After the roll was safely in his hand, he suddenly remembered he was at work and then promptly disappeared.

I never fully understood what about that exchange rubbed me the wrong way, so I blew it off until almost two decades later...until now.

By the fifth or sixth time I'd read the above comment, I had shared Izidora's video and screen caps of the comment in a private group with some flabbergasted sistas. And while I couldn't - and still can't - stop laughing out one side of my mouth, the other side can't stop repeating the same epiphany over and over again: nignogs are out here dogging the race for some unseasoned chicken tenders, y'all.  It is that deep to them, fam.  Like...do Black people need to declare a state of emergency?

Because we can set up some peer counseling sessions with them and whoever raised them/whoever was supposed to raise them, and talk about where, when, and how things first went left.

See...by about the tenth time I'd read the above comment, I suddenly remembered one of my Eldest Sis's random stories about getting drunk in the club (her friend was DD).  Now, when my sister gets drunk, she likes to hit up Whataburger.  So this dude she'd been talking to all night totally perked up, saying he'd absolutely LOVE to go to Whataburger with my sis and her friend.  He agreed to follow them on his motorcycle.  When they pulled up in the drive-thru, my still very sister drunk placed her order and then yelled for the dude to come pay for her burger.  He maneuvered his motorcycle to line up along the passenger's side, silently gesturing for her to lower her window.  When she did, he leaned in and quietly told her he'd only brought enough money to go clubbing and couldn't afford to buy her a burger.  Now at the time my sister told me this story, we just laughed and blew it off, cuz...whatcha gon do?

But then I was reading the above comment for about the fifteenth time, and I couldn't help but wonder...what exactly did he think was going to happen when he agreed to go to Whataburger?  Did he expect her to buy him some chicken tenders - cuz they make them too - then take him home with her AND give him some???

What am I missing here, people?

Y'all, we need to call this what this is: begging.  This is just good old-fashioned begging.  Yes, there's the temptation to empathize because poverty is no joke; the Great Recession humbled entire nations, and brown people were hit the hardest.  In the wake of the Great Recession we're still being hit the hardest.  That being said...come on, now!!!  A part of me can't stop laughing because this all sounds so ridiculous when you say it out loud.  Meanwhile, another part of me is so embarrassed, I can feel the horror cringing in a deep place.  Like, is this really what we've been reduced to?  Do we need to bring back the Black Panther practice of feeding our own neighborhoods so we can keep all the ashy indigents present and accounted for, and just overall away from mixed company?

And who are these women paying for validation in the form of chicken tenders???  What the hell is that about?  We talk about Black people being in the Sunken Place, but if your self-esteem issues run so deep that you gotta bribe a stranger with chicken tenders to make you feel better about your life...you're beyond the Sunken Place, boo-boo.  You've hit whatever's below rock bottom.  Like, you must have some Klingon Dahar Master-level Daddy issues if the high point of your night is paying some broke, destitute Negro in chicken tenders to tell you you're better than Black women.  And just 'tween us girls, once you've reached that point, whatever imaginary, one-sided competition you think you've going with sistas...you lost.


  1. So many black men are out here just looking for some woman to take care of them without giving anything in return. I call them begroes (begging azz negroes). It is like they are stuck in the childhood where their mothers did everything for them until they became men it became too expensive to take care of them. So now they are out here trolling the streets looking for a woman to take them in, take care of them, and then have sex with them.

    I overheard a woman (22-25 year old) fussing on the phone about her bf. He wanted her to buy a car so he could have a car to drive. When she refused and told him to get his own, he told her he didn't have the money. She told him to get a second job. Then his mother called her telling her she needed to buy her son a car so he could come see her. She again refused.

    I would have loved to have heard the rest of the convo but she stepped onto a bus and I never got the end of the story. But she's not the only one with stories of black men like that. As one of the ladies in the group said, we could all write trilogies of niggardry like this. And it is a shame that black men should be fixing because as they are want to say: You can't make a black man do nothing he don't want to do. I wonder how low they are willing to sink before they want to be adults?

    1. Then his mother called her telling her she needed to buy her son a car so he could come see her.

      This...this nonsense right here? This is a huge part of the problem.

    2. "but she stepped onto a bus."

      She is riding the bus, but supposed to buy someone else a car.

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  3. "So many black men are out here just looking for some woman to take care of them without giving anything in return."

    And that is exactly what I got out of that comment. Some fool who doesn't want to spend his own money and has found a way to sucker women to spend on him.

    They use the same crap to game black women except they go the church route and tell the sistas to "pray" on it. Some fool tried that with my sister when he wanted her to loan him her car to drive around town.

    I only feel sorry for the woman who was going to confront that idiot. She got upset over a piece of crap.

  4. * How did I miss out on this topic?*

    You know, I have let people know my feelings about the author of an IR site and the predominate reason that I didn't like her blog was how she always seemed to down the Black community and how it seemed..at least to me..to solve problematic relationships/marriage was to .get a White man.I just couldn't see how anybody who would name their blog such promote IR love/harmony when she's expressing negative thoughts about a community who she seems clueless about.

    I rarely agree with her blogs but just recently she talked about a subject that had my eyebrows rising..and actually supporting what said..and even did. She was talking to a lawyer and this woman has some strong feelings about Black men bashing Black woman, so this lawyer decided to put her disgust of them in a constructive way: she wants to out all of the Black women bashers. When I read it I'm like OMFG!! about time! I was on the same page with the lawyer and the author of the blog. I cannot blame them for doing such a great deed. I want their project to be successful.

    I just cannot being around a bunch of non-Black men, looking at Black men passing by me telling them" See those Black bastards over there..?" I just can't hypocritize myself like that. What do Black men like him think they will accomplish doing that? If those women have to pay for him to put down his own women, what so he think they will eventually will think about him. I'll be you that they wouldn't let him put down their men like that.

    He probably thought that you were crying..thinking that you would feel bad about yourself because he wanted to make these women feel that the were better than Black women. Here is my thing about Black men like him: He's weak and he picked women who he wanted to boost up so he could feel good about himself. I'm thankful for the Black men in my life. They married Black woman, wronged Black women and like my dad remarried other Black women. I have never in my life heard none of them down Black women. Recently, my brother was talking to my uncle about him not looking at a poster of a beautiful White woman on it. When my brother questioned on it he told him " Eh..I'm just not into White women like that."

    Honestly, my uncle's response shocked me. For a man who have lived in Utah, Germany( with the women hitting on him) lived in mostly White communities since he was sixteen, a college educated man ( he's almost 68) and didn't grow up with his dad, I just thought that he would be the very uncle that would gravitate more towards White/non-Black women but as of now, he hasn't his ex wife was a beautiful dark skinned woman, like he is. You cannot even get him to say that a White woman is pretty. Even there are a lot of White guys who I found to be attractive thought I gravitate more to Black/non-White/Jewish guys. maybe it came from my grandmother. She's opposed to interracial(B/W) marriages.

    If came around Black women bashers like the one you're discussing on her I would tell him " Get over it." He;s nobody special.

    1. I wouldn't even acknowledge his presence. People like this are a waste of time.


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