Nigeria, You Deserve So Much Better (#FestivalofSlaps)

 See Also

The 2015 Baga Massacre

By now you've read about the unfathomable uselessness of President Goodluck Jonathan (seriously, deal with that name for a minute) of Nigeria.  In case you're a bit fuzzy, this is the same guy who not only failed to #BringBackOurGirls last year, but had the whole world wondering how nearly 300 people can all be kidnapped at the same time in the first place.

Now the world is wondering how 2000 Nigerian civilians can be slaughtered out of the blue while their "president" 1) sends his condolences to the victims of Charlie Hebdo without so much as breathing a word about a massacre in his own country, then 2) dances at his niece's grand wedding two days later.

Deal with that for a minute.
Just last year, Jonathan appropriated the #BringBackOurGirls social media campaign, and with an astonishing level of crassness, tweaked it to say: #BringBackOurGoodluck2015. It was a vile campaign tactic in the run-up to this year's February elections. The marketing gods surely must have wept, alongside the parents who still mourn for their missing daughters.

Sure, Jonathan has sent Nigerian troops to battle against Boko Haram, but the military have instead used their new-found war to wreak terror on the people they are tasked with protecting. When Boko Haram entered Baga last week, Nigerian troops ran away, yet in April 2013, after coming under attack by Boko Haram, Nigerian troops tore through the town, killing 200 civilians in response to the ambush. They have now called for support from their people in their fight against the latest attacks.

But Jonathan hasn't addressed these atrocities. Instead, he is exploiting his people for votes, and as he does so, their blood is being spilled. Already political analysts have indicated that should Jonathan truly speak to Nigerians about the attacks, it would become an admittance of failure.
~ "South Africa: Forget the West, Nigerian Lives Don't Even Matter to Goodluck Jonathan"
Oh, but wait...there's more.
...Here is a man so out of touch with reality that he had the temerity to ask, “How much did Jim Nwobodo stole (sic)?” He also asserted with every seriousness that arresting people “won’t stop corruption, you will even encourage corruption.” The logical fallacy here is astounding; like saying jailing murderers will encourage murder. He goes on to ask ridiculous questions on armament purchases in the past, then makes a very strange comment about Buhari remembering his phone number. To top it all off, he had the temerity to ask about fuel shortages in the country? Where does this man live? Certainly not in Nigeria, because we could have told him that there were at two fuel shortages last year. Now that his shoes and modes of transportation are paid for by our taxes and sovereign wealth, I guess he has no need to keep up with what is actually going on with the people.

...Fortunately the Nigerian public seems to have seen right through the ploy and have ignored the president’s stumbling speeches (filled with grammar that would be atrocious coming from a secondary school student, much less a lecturer), and are focused on hearing about the issues that they care about: corruption, power, education, jobs and welfare.

...It has been galling to watch the lack of focus on issues or the simple acknowledgment of the tragedy that have befallen our brothers and sisters in the town of Baga, Borno State. He has instead stuck his head in the sand like an ostrich and continued on furthering his political ambition. Mr President, silence will not make the tragedy fade from our national conscience. 2,000 men, women and children were cut down without mercy, the ‘deadliest massacre’ by Boko Haram in this country, and all we got was “[Muhammadu] Buhari cannot remember his phone number”? It shows a devastating lack of leadership and direction at a time that Nigeria can least afford to be without a commander-in-chief.

...Instead of a campaign of hope and direction, we have gotten fear and misdirection. Instead of acknowledging corruption is evil no matter the amount, he dismisses a legitimate conviction because it was not enough to buy a car. Nigerians have trusted President Jonathan for six years and have little to show for it. Our president seems to have gone missing. Let us hope that 14 February 2015 Nigerians will choose to find a new one.
~ "Is Goodluck Jonathan Saying The Right Things?"
My dear Nigerians, your siblings in America once had our own Goodluck Jonathan, except we called him George W. Bush.

By the way...about Jonathan's wife....
It was the video that launched a million YouTube hits. The first Lady, Patience Jonathan’s private shame was exposed to the whole world when she attempted to do some damage control of her own after her husband’s administration failed to respond swiftly to the tragedy of 276 school girls kidnapped from their secondary school in Chibok. Rife with bad grammar, fake tears, shoddy acting and lacking any real empathy, Mrs Jonathan’s viral train wreck of a performance was both comic and tragic. ~ “Na only you waka come?” “Stomach infrastructure” and 8 of the worst quotes of 2014


  1. Sometimes I wonder if the parents of Boko Haram had prescience of his exploit would they still have brought him into the world? To me every human is capable of goodness, but somewhere along the path we’re corrupted through life’s affronts. Shaped and molded by time’s arrow we’re not the virtuous vessels our Maker intended. I find that should I dwell on the fallout of this abomination -beyond what is considered reasonable- it invites depression/sorrow. However one should never be too removed from the maelstrom that is Nigeria, knowing full-well what happened there could very well happen here (given the proper conditions). Concordantly, if the history of Nigeria is any indication (Past performance predicts future behavior) replace this sitting President with another political savior and he/she will turn out to be just as shady as the former. For once venality becomes rooted in the political process/culture (a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough) it’s almost impossible to eradicate -barring an entire routing of those who benefit from the status quo-.

    To use the prose of Shakespeare:
    What a piece of work is a man! How disposed to ferocity, how limitless in mischief. In form, his perfidy should be warrant for censure- not admiration. In process how like the devil. In mettle how like a god! The suffering in the world! A paragon of chaos! And yet to me, what is this patchwork of dust? Let man revel not me, nor should humanity (given the choice)- though by popular account one would think otherwise.

    As for the video, judging from that academy-award winning performance from the First Lady, any reasonable person would come away with the impression that she’s running over with Empathy --cough, cough! Excuse me, (wipes temples, clears throat) my snark is acting up today. Still with my heart I echo the sentiment: Nigeria Deserves So Much Better…

    1. How ironic that just when we're finally willing to support a coup d'etat in a brown nation, the citizens are actually patiently waiting for the end of his term.

      Jonathan needs to be ousted yesterday.

    2. How ironic that just when we're finally willing to support a coup d'etat in a brown nation, the citizens are actually patiently waiting for the end of his term.

      Jonathan needs to be ousted yesterday.

      Indeed, judging the regularity Nigeria has exchanged leadership since its independence yeah, they’re long overdue. One could even argue the validity of their political process (by holding elections, instead of a coup).

    3. He shoulda been got got. It's ridiculous that the Nigerians are willing to wait this incompetent snotbag out. #BringBackOurGoodluck? Negro, is you serious?

    4. I am not up to date on Nigerian politics, but was curious as to who would be in line to take over from GookLuck (is this really his name?) and what are their angles? Will they help or hurt? I hate to sound sexist (no I don't why lie) and I know there are sadistic women in the world, but it would be nice to see how the world would be with women leaders.

    5. @ Amaya

      My uncle and I were talking about how some African politicians can do things Western politicians would never do. That is a prime example of one of those things.

      @ Lor

      His full name is Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan, so yeah.

      Muhammadu Buhari is his opponent and he's shown some promise (certainly gotten much better feedback than Jonathan), but he's failed to capture the Presidency before.

  2. #BringBackOurGoodluck2015.-And once again black women are shown how little we matter.

  3. It makes you wonder why Obama and Eric Holder didn't go yo the funeral( Though he went to France, it was said that he didn't attend the funeral), perhaps they were scared of possible assassination attempts against their lives or maybe because they didn't want to look like hypocrites to Black people in the states in the world.

    What Goodluck did was not right. Don't get me wrong, I do sympathize with the 12 victims of Charlie Hebdo,but if you're going to march in against terrorism in France, your people comes first before anybody else's country. I've read where scores of men ,women and kids was killed by Boko Haram( my condolences for all of their families). Yet we're still hearing about France.

    I was looking at the march and frankly was disgusted because here all of these high end people marching in solidarity to condemn the killings of employees from Charlie Hebdo, but not for other people who were more in danger than they were. They could have helped their situation by not jokingly condemn someone's faith but those young women and men in Nigeria could not, Michael Brown, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner , Ezell Ford's and let me not forget about the 36 students that was massacred in Mexico, yet they weren't important enough for media to say "something is terribly wrong with this, let's continue to get the word out..." The message from the world: minorities don't matter,.but White people do.

    Respectfully, if Obama or Holder didn't go for the reasons, I've mentioned, I would have said good for them. It would not have been fair if the both of them would have been there,while some of the people in Ferguson and New York to see after their needs( which Eric did do) over the unjustly deaths of their love ones.

    As I was taught if you can't do for one, don't do it for no one else...which was what Goodluck and other high officials should have done.

    1. Not to mention the hundreds of Pakistani children slaughtered by terrorists while they were at school - why isn't there more chatter about that as well? 12 bigoted cartoonists in France die and the world stops. Meanwhile, the brown death toll in the thousands and it's like folks are finding reasons to not talk about them.


This blog is strictly moderated. Everyone is now able to comment again, however, all Anonymous posts will be immediately deleted. Comments on posts more than 30 days old are generally dismissed, so try to stay current with the conversations.