With love, from a "fan"

Wow.  It's been a while since I had a true and proper "fan letter."  This just arrived in my inbox a minute ago:
Black women have higher standards and demand that a man be responsible and employed? You have got to be kidding, right? Black women are more likely to date and have children with unemployed men, criminals, deadbeat fathers, etc. If you think black women have such high standards, why are they so much more likely to end up with STDs, HIV, illegitimate children, multiple children from multiple fathers, and no partners or partners with little education and low incomes. I know it's tempting to make up your own reality, but then you have to live in lie. Black women absolutely do not have higher standards for men. It may be true that some smarter black women learn their lessons after repeatedly being cheat on and beat on and beat down by black guys, but they obviously aren't that smart because they were naive enough to allow that in the first place. It is true that some very naive white people, completely unaware of the shockingly sad and backwards state of the black community, don't learn these lessons as they don't grow up around it, but most of these white women are stupid and trashy. White women in general avoid black males and losers a lot better than black women do. This is supported by a mountain of studies and statistics. A few dumb white women get trampled by black users and backwards black culture, but almost every black woman gets used by childish, selfish, and destructive black males. I bet almost every black female family member, friend, or acquaintance you know has been with some straight up black losers that at least wasted their time and probably fucked their lives up. Black women are too racist to date outside of their race, and black males make terrible boyfriends and fathers, so you're screwed. You should try to learn from the 90% of white women doing better than you, not the 1% of undesirables that get worked over by the same black guys that also work over black women.
Black guys are just taking out the white man's trash. White women are more likely to have fewer children within wedlock, more likely to have educated and employed spouses, and are more likely to make better romantic and sexual decisions. It's okay to be racist, but get your facts straight.

Regards,
Germ | spamtarg@peoplepc.com

Comments

  1. Why do these racist white men care? They don't care about Black women and they just mad because we're not falling for their racist tricks in their book. I'd say to him, leave us alone!

    Oh, it's probably the same guy who wrote such junk on a conservative web site board that we're ethnocentric, which we're not. I love my Brothas and for a racist white guy writes this is disgusting and racist.

    SB

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    1. ....and....?!

      Sounds like another insecure person who think that we care about what they say. I mean,does it really bother them that people like us don't care about what they say? I don't have any problems dating/marrying Black men.You're not going to find bringing about the woe is me about one either. Yes,Black women have standards. I guess the problem with this person is that Black women tend to base men on substance before money, power and good looks.That will carry you a long way .I guess this person haven't read the story a couple of years ago about Black women being happier in their skin than other races of people? It should give them a hint: WE DON'T CARE!

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  2. "Black.women are too racist to date outside their race"

    I think that is what this is really about... not having access to black women. If we are such horrible desperate disease infested losers why are you worried about who we are dating? Why are you so pressed about bw/ bm?

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    1. I think that is what this is really about... not having access to black women.

      Good point!

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    2. I do think some white men are pissed that out of all the groups of women Black women (statistically) don't find white men attractive......This messes with them and their world view of being the top, the choosers.....to have a group of women (women that are considered the bottom of the heap no less) happily tell you they don't dig 'white meat' really disrupts the white man's plan to build his world around his fantasy.....it is a fly in the ointment......

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    3. "Black.women are too racist to date outside their race"

      It's ironic that he says this considering the Loving vs. State of Virginia case. Does this fool not know that if it wasn't for a Black woman and her White husband no interracial couples of ANY kind could marry?

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    4. Gay couples either. OMG I want to say something for this stupid, bitter, arrogant out of his damn mind fool but I. just. can't. I can't grasp that there are actually people this stupid and full of themselves.

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  3. I wouldn't have bothered to give this person more attention than necessary. Don't feed the trolls.

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    1. There are trolls and then there are "fan letters". Fan letters amuse the ever living hell out of me.

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  4. Keep doing what you are doing, clearly it is striking a nerve with the less secure of the world.....

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  5. Obviously, you and other bloggers just strike a nerve, these racist trolls feel they have to respond with their ignorant diatribe. They are cowards so they sit behind their screens and keyboards and type ignorant foolishness like what we are reading. Carry on Sister.

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  6. Like llama, I was only left with his sentence about Black women not dating outside their race. That was the purpose (sadly) and his reason for his ranting. Once again, our suspicions have been confirmed. One things I most like about this site is the ability to celebrate interracial love/politics/accomplishments without denigrating other groups, specifically Black men and Asian women (bm/aw seem to be less represented in the posts). You always stay on topic. Kudos to the creator, writers, and readers!!

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    1. Like llama, I was only left with his sentence about Black women not dating outside their race. That was the purpose (sadly) and his reason for his ranting.

      Y'all are killing me with this. I actually laughed aloud when I read this sentence.

      For me, receiving a fan letter is often hilarious because someone actually sat down and typed all that shit and then emailed it to me...expecting what, exactly? And in this case, I don't know which post set this one off, but I bet it was from waaaaaay back in the day when I actually posted about stuff like this (my interests have obviously changed since). So it's not just the letter and the idiocy, but it's the fact that we're in 2014 and someone went digging all the way back to the posts from God-knows-which year and is crying over that spilled milk.

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  7. It's hilarious when these fools say the dumbest, most incoherent things and use the old "studies and statistics" claim to make themselves sound intelligent. Seriously, I almost suffered a migraine reading this dribble.

    This fool wants a black woman, but obviously can't get one. Judging by this comment, it's not hard to figure out why. And like racist white guys, he blames everything on the world, and not question if he's part of the problem. From what I've seen, the ones trumpeting the superiority of the white race are the biggest losers in life of that race.

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    1. And like racist white guys, he blames everything on the world, and not question if he's part of the problem. From what I've seen, the ones trumpeting the superiority of the white race are the biggest losers in life of that race.

      *nods* He's the black-woman-chasing equivalent of Elliot Rodger, it would seem.

      This is why I post "fan letters"; the commentary can be quite insightful. To be honest, when I first got this, I didn't really think all that much about it, but now....

      Now I've confirmed my theory that with a lot of these POC/white relationships there's a certain measure of trolling going on. In other words, sometimes, it's not about two people living and loving and learning. It's about two people lying in bed talking smack about a third fictitious caricature of a person, an idea of the inferior [insert race here] man/woman, the inferior Asian man, that bitchy, stuck-up white woman who's not submissive enough, the vicious Dragon lady, etc. and so forth.

      The more I read the comments from you guys, the more I get the impression this guy was the type who wanted to lie in bed and hear about how awesome he was compared to black men, and how grateful his black woman was to have been "rescued."

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    2. You just described 90 percent of the audience for Fox News

      Delete
  8. Another thing, his angry rants against Black women aren't atypical. They're typical of entitled angry white men in cyberspace and in real life. There are posts by angry white men that are similar to that racist troll at Racism Review when discussing race and gender issues particular to Black women. They come on antiracist websites attacking Black women and thought they could get away with it. I read them and shook my head at those delusional bigots.

    Here's a thoughtful comment from Brandon Pilcher at Racism Review:

    "Brandon Pilcher
    March 3, 2011 at 12:46 pm • Log in to Reply
    I just read a thread on an interracial-themed message board (http://www.dawnali.com/lovinmysistas/index.php?topic=2363.0) where one white guy was arguing that the reason there aren’t many white male/black female couples was because black women were too close-minded to date white men, but this study finding blacks more willing to contact whites than the reverse makes me think otherwise. It seems that black women are subjected to victim-blaming in these kinds of discussions; they’re constantly being chided for not opening up to different kinds of men, but on the other hand, very few white or other non-black men are encouraged to appreciate African beauty. This seems to be part of a larger trend for whites to deny any personal responsibility for their racism, instead blaming black people for it (ironic since whites like to bellyache about blacks not taking personal responsibility for themselves). The sad thing is that lots of blacks buy into this bullshit and unfairly disparage their own people for problems that aren’t entirely their fault."

    What are your thoughts?

    S.B.

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    1. He's not wrong, and he's not far off; he's actually very warm.

      The issue always comes back to standards. A lot of white men actually do pursue black women, but it's not usually for a meaningful, honest relationship. It's not meant to be long-term. It's meant to be a sexual thing of convenience, or an emotional relationship where she builds him up (think Fitz and Olivia).

      So when a black woman has standards, needs, requirements, etc. and the white man in question refuses to meet them, he brands her as being close-minded. She's the one being difficult, inconsiderate, selfish, racist, etc. - much like what Brandon Pilcher is saying. The white man projects himself onto her, blaming her for something he's brought on himself. So in this aspect, Pilcher is on the track.

      But think back to the above posted rant which triggered this whole discussion in the first place. The writer is essentially saying black women would rather be with a deadbeat black man than him. But if we probe deeper, he's not angry that black women won't let him whisk them away to be treated like queens. He's basically ranting, "You let black men use you. How come I don't get to use you too?"

      So the problem is not that most white men aren't approaching black women, it's that most white men are approaching black women the wrong way for the wrong thing, and getting shut down promptly.

      African beauty is undeniable, hence the concerted effort to stifle, whitewash, and ultimately erase it in mainstream American media. White men like these may be asshole racists and misogynists, but they're not blind. They want us too, and of all the women in America, we have remained the most consistently resistant to them. So because we're not opening our legs to them at the drop of a hat and tolerating all their bullshit, we get the brunt of backlash.

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    2. That's so true. Especially at Twitter when white men and women attack Black women and their allies recently. I think it's tied to race and sexuality. Racism is about men fighting over women and controlling us. What's your take on my view?

      S.B.

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    3. African beauty is undeniable, hence the concerted effort to stifle, whitewash, and ultimately erase it in mainstream American media. White men like these may be asshole racists and misogynists, but they're not blind. They want us too, and of all the women in America, we have remained the most consistently resistant to them. So because we're not opening our legs to them at the drop of a hat and tolerating all their bullshit, we get the brunt of backlash.

      Hence black women are something to be conquered, but not a trophy to be kept mind you. Kind of like climbing the Himalayan mountains. You’re an object, a token- a fetish… a testament to how great he is in all things (Entitlement: for he alone gets to decide whether you have worth or not). Like I said before:

      White men pride themselves on being able to conquer anything. They’ll scale the highest peak- flout the raging seas; delve the darkest- most remote locales to satiate their need for adventure. They’ll brave the harshest condition and then vainly chronicle how the experience changed their lives. They’ll commune with grizzlies… sojourn with lions, swim with man-eating sharks for excitement. They’ll jump off bridges and in one particular feat of audacity-- spilt their infinitives, just for the rush. However, these same manikins cannot muster the acumen to realize a healthy stable relationship with a black woman. Such men waver under the judicious gaze of white women. Neither are they much better at suffering the judgment of fellow euro-caucasianists. (I like the term)

      Should he fail at his attempt to scale the mountain he doesn’t blame the mountain for being too high or the climate for being too harsh. No, he’ll need to search within himself to find the cause. “I was unable to stick it out and suck it up,” he might reason. Let him falter at any of these endeavors and he accepts full responsibility without reservation. However, should he default in a relationship with a black woman, “Its all her fault!. She was too strong- or too loud, she wouldn’t submit… she has way too many issues." He won’t take one iota of responsibility for the disintegration of the relationship, (or his cowardice) seeing as he’s the more rational of the two and certainly the most open-minded (he believes). He’ll retreat to the comforting arms of an ever faithful white standby. Framing the failed relationship as a no-win situation, in which he tried to help her grow beyond her negative programming, but to no avail.

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    4. Precisely. He projects his own negative qualities and shortcomings upon her, and then blames her for them.

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    5. Or guys like him will say that we're "ghetto" for not bowing down to their demands.

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  9. "So the problem is not that most white men aren't approaching black women, it's that most white men are approaching black women the wrong way for the wrong thing, and getting shut down promptly."

    Correct!

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  10. Racism is about men fighting over women and controlling us.

    No. Racism is a part of it, but that's not how I would define it.

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  11. White men have clearly forgotten that they have had us dealing with their bullshit with absolute authority for about 450 years, and we are STILL dealing with the ramifications of this and cannot even begin to heal because they cannot face up to it and come correct. So whilst white men willfully forget their part in destroying black agency and destroying the fabric of black life and our men went though the same thing too, we (collectively as black women still overwhelmingly deal with black men) will seem "put up" with things from black men which is really us a heterosexual women trying to love under patriarchy, that we wouldn't from white men as we still live with the memory of how that power differential works and now we are free we can say no. Like white men aren't shitting over ALL women globally??? We still aren't considered fully women worthy of love and attention as this world is rampantly anti-black, but they wanna act brand new and indignant that we shut them down so fast. WE JUST GOT OUT FROM UNDER YOUR DOMINATION THE OTHER DAY!!!!

    This is why dating outside of my race requires so much vetting and the canscious black women I know have higher standards than anyone. We live in a world that doesn't allow us to talk openly about race and 'new racism' and white supremacy has shifted the goalposts and needs silence to thrive. It thrives in our relationships and in our beds and is so closely tied to all then other isms that it pervades everything. I can't date and deal with people who are ready, willing or able to acknowledge and unpack all this. The black women I know are too scared to let that monster in their lives and most of the white/ non black men I meet aren't ready to admit and give up their privilege and relinquish patriarchy.

    So of course we have standards!

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  12. *conscious* and *aren't* ready to deal...

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  13. Ankensen Mie,

    You're right. I stand corrected about racism and access/patriarchal control of women.


    Let's also consider the quote from blogger Danielle from the 1 Black Girl, Many Words Blog:

    "It is the idea that I must see myself as patriarchal white supremacy sees me. As an object to be exchanged on the racial/ gender/ class/ sexuality hierarchy. Not a person who is primarily interested in love and care and makes dating decisions based on that."

    That's exactly what the White supremacist patriarchy operates against Black women and other WOC. White guys like him objectify and put down Black women who don't bow down to his misogynistic/racist demands. They're the biggest problem in America and the world. His sense of entitlement really shows. He also forgot America's racialized sexual history. No, we don't date/marry racist people like him. He's part of the problem.

    Here's the rest of Danielle's brilliant post:

    http://oneblackgirlmanywords.blogspot.com/2014/01/i-am-tired-of-talking-about-interracial.html

    S.B.

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    1. Great link. I particularly how she states:

      "But I also realize that questioning me about interracial dating is a covert way of asking about more salient issues. It is often a euphemism for issues caused by white supremacy, patriarchy, Eurocentric beauty standards, and colorism. Instead of directly talking about these issues we veil the discussion by talking about interracial dating. Instead of talking about the impact that Eurocentric beauty standards have on all of us and how that leads to the devaluation of Black womanhood I am asked about how I feel whenever I see a random Black man with a non-Black woman. The latter makes me feel nothing as I don't believe it's my responsibility to police anybody's dating decisions. However, the former is a real problem."

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  14. "Black women are too racist to date outside of their race,"

    White men are also used to some women of color throwing themselves at them simply because they are white, especially if the women come from cultures where being with a white person is seen as better. With the majority of black women his whiteness is seen more as a liability than an asset. So when his whiteness doesn't get him anywhere and we actually require things from them, their white privilege soaked asses can't take it, especially from us. Then you get the false statistics, the insults, the comparisons to white women and of course the ole "black males make terrible boyfriends and fathers," white guys make the best argument. But most of all we're accused of being racist.

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    1. With the majority of black women his whiteness is seen more as a liability than an asset.

      Oh...SNAP.

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  15. Not about dating but the "Anthony" half of "Opie and Anthony" went on an epic racist tirade against black women b/c a BW in Times Square that he was trying to photograph without her permission told him no and in an unusual case, 5 black men came to her aid during the dispute.
    You can find his tweets on the net but it reminded me of the RAGE that white men feel when BW tell them no about anything, and how they don't want to treat you better or even well, they just that if you say yes to BM there is no way you wouldn't say yes to them in all cases.

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  16. Ankhesen Mié said:
    "So the problem is not that most white men aren't approaching black women, it's that most white men are approaching black women the wrong way for the wrong thing, and getting shut down promptly."

    SO TRUE

    As a non-american black woman I must say I used to buy the Undesirable Black Women myth. I'm from direct West African descent (born and raised in Europe) and I love my features even though the media tries to tell me otherwise. I also lived in the US for a few years to attend college.

    From my personal experience many white men are attracted to black women (more than they’d like to admit) but most white men (like +90%) do not view black women as serious potential mates because most of them are not brave enough to stand up against their judgemental, prejudicial peers.

    Some white men may also think they don’t have a chance with you so they won’t approach you or will expect you to make the first move; and it doesn’t have anything to do with alleged shyness, it’s more about protecting their fragile egos because being rejected by a black woman (supposedly the bottom of the totem pole) would be the WORST thing that could possibly ever happen to them. Being rejected by non-black women is fine though.

    Most white men are not comfortable with admitting their attraction to black women publicly and they will reject a black woman openly solely because society portrays black women as the least desirable (shallow much?).

    As a result, when their close friends are not around and you’re unlucky enough to be there, they will express their repressed desires in the most astonishing ways:
    -They will follow you and spank your butt or touch your boobs to show you they’re “interested”.
    -They will feed you alcohol at parties so that they can get more easily into your pants.
    -They will slam you against the wall and rip off your clothes when alone with you at other people’s place.
    -They will invite you home even though you just met them 5 minutes ago at a professional meeting.
    -They will attempt to kiss you and cuddle with you the first day you tutor them.

    And then, they’ll barely acknowledge your existence in public and of course, they will be quick to tell the whole world about how they don’t find black women attractive while having non-black women on their arms.

    More recently (about a month ago), I made friend with an Eastern European man that lives in my country for his studies. He was really nice and I met some of his friends. I could hold long conversations with him, we could laugh together so I thought everything was cool...until last week when we were alone at his place and he tried to sleep with me, propositionning me for a friends-with-benefits situation. I rejected him.

    *It’s worth noting that when those things happened, I wasn’t dressed like a slut or encouraged them to act in such a way; I was dressed sexy (not vulgar) for parties at best.
    **It’s also worth noting that these white men were from both Europe and the US; they were ALL educated and some were even Phd students.

    The black men (that they LOVE to stereotype as brutes) I’ve known NEVER treated me like that.

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    1. Thanks for sharing! What's your name?

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  17. @ Ankhesen Mié:

    I'm Déborah from France. I already posted on your blog a few months ago on a post called "The Shattered Pedestal". Maybe it's time I create an account to comment on your blog :).

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  18. Welcome, Deborah. Thanks for sharing your experience in France.

    @Ankhesen Mie:

    It's like that all over the web, especially at Gawker where angry whites went vitriolic over two posts by Josie Duffy. She was talking about deadbeat white fathers in her family and that romance is political, those people lost their dang minds. Some of those post resembled the post you received two months ago. That's sad when one cannot talk about the painful racial past without some white readers/trolls attacking the person.

    Here are the articles:

    Who You Love Is a Political Choice

    http://gawker.com/who-you-love-is-a-political-choice-1596978900/all

    and the other one:

    The Men Who Left Were White:

    http://gawker.com/the-men-who-left-were-white-1562473547

    Stephanie B.(S.B)

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