The Abagond Challenge

As early as age 12 I started to understand that I was seriously out-of-step with (white) American ideas of beauty:

I did not get the blonde-hair-blue-eyed thing at all. I knew, intellectually, that it was “supposed” to look better, but to me it did not. I liked black hair. All the way. I liked dark-brown, almond-shaped eyes – they were way better looking.

The thing about big breasts I did understand, and not just intellectually either, but even there I preferred women with big bottoms over those with big breasts.

I did not get the thin thing. Sure, thin was better than fat, but thick was better than either. The shape of black women was cut the right way – white women’s bodies were too straight up and down, too stick-like, not much shape (in general, of course).

Thin lips: This was before Angelina Jolie gave thick lips the White Seal of Approval. Back then whites made it crystal clear that they found big lips disgusting. They did not even call them “big”. White vernacular culture had a far worse name for them. But despite that I loved big lips. They were anything but disgusting!

The face of a black woman could turn me on. White women almost always had to be naked to have the same effect.

Okay, so Abagond recently penned one of those posts which garnered the kind of illogical pushback that could only come from a troll.  Now, the reason I dismiss the commenter in question as a troll is that when a heterosexual black man indicates via opinion he prefers black women, there's really nothing to "debate".  After all, there isn't a problem when heterosexual Asian men voice preference for Asian women or when heterosexual white men voice preference for white women a.k.a. Hollywood, and so on.

'Cause seriously, if you're a black man and you want to start a riot, say you prefer white women.  But if you want to unleash the very floodgates of hell, talk about your preference for black women.

Seriously, just whisper it and watch everything come crashing down.  Why?  Because to imply that you favor black women is to imply you favor white women less.  To imply that white women are less than any other women - especially black women - is akin to sacrilege.

Commenter Peanut (who basically inspired this post of mine) aptly wrote:
it’s just the hypocrisy that i can’t stand and i’m speaking generally. why is it normal and acceptable for a white man to prefer white women or asian women, but a black man preferring black women (his own damn race) something’s wrong with him…or he’s “lying,” i don’t get it

and the funny thing is, it’s not okay for a Black man to say he prefers Black women, but if John Mayer calls his penis a white supremacist…that’s just his preference.
Whenever someone gets upset about posts like Abagond's, I believe there's only one perfect response: write a dozen more like 'em.

So for those of you who are black male readers of this blog, I present the Abagond Challenge.  Write a post on your blog (even if you don't blog and want to present it here as a guest post) as to what you like about black men/women (whichever one you're attracted to; doesn't matter).  When it's done, come back and drop the links off here, even if they're old links to posts you wrote a long time ago.

If I receive enough submissions, the Abagond Challenge will receive its own tag at the bar and so folks can always come back to browse these posts to enjoy the awesomeness that is us.  And why do we need to enjoy the awesomeness that is us?

Here's a refresher:
It is very interesting to note that, even though black women are objectively less physically attractive than other women, black women (and men) subjectively consider themselves to be far more physically attractive than others.

~ "Dr." Satoshi Kanazawa
Brings back memories, don't it?


  1. Let us know if you want supporting submissions from white guys.

    1. *gasp* You still stop by this bar?

      You can write whatever you want!

    2. Of course I do.

      Shit now I've got to write something.

      This is why I try to keep my gob shut.

      I never learn.

  2. Dr Satoshi is despicable for many reasons but in particular one piece of "evidence" he used was based on his interviewing researchers who were charged with doing an analysis of adolescent health across different racial groups. He asked those researchers the rate the children according to whom they felt was attractive. How disgusting is that? And people wonder why girls have earlier issues with self-esteem, it's b/c they face constant judgement from adults.

    1. Yeah.. I remember that one. This guy was supposed to be "educated", yet he did his studies on a subjunctive topic. It's crazy how he attempted to do science on personal opinions. I also loved how he so many others...think we look alike. We don't. One thing he is right is him saying how highly we think about ourselves.Pretty, OK or ugly..Black women don't rely on physical beauty to feel good about ourselves. Rather for guys to see me for me than what's underneath cosmetics.

    2. Not to mention that if he knew the truth, he would know that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. If Black women were less attractive than other women, why are Black women the most copied race by other women? One does not copy what one thinks is ugly.

      And to take it a step further, some people might consider his women less attractive since you never hear of women copying flat butts, flat chests, etc. that his women possess. Not saying that a woman has to have big breasts & butts to be considered attractive, but if we are going to go by modern standards of beauty....

    3. @M, you aren't lying. Kim Kardashian has made about $100M copying black women. We're so repulsive that most of the white women getting the most airtime/attention/accolades have features found most frequently on black women (whether they are natural on the white woman in question or not).

      I'm so tired of hearing how Kim K and her silicon sacks/cakes have made it acceptable to be "curvy"...

    4. @Nicthommi,

      Yep! I was thinking about how Black women are chastised for the very same thing. Were ugly for having voluptuous behinds yet when Jennifer Lopez showed her assets on "Anaconda" she was praised for it.People wanted (and still want) butt implants.

      Speaking of stars and looks.. did you hear about that looney Amanda Bynes? She dissed Rhianna looks telling people that she wants to be white. I'm glad that Rhianna had her told. Why do non Black women think she or any other person think her case.. wants to be White? I'm quite sure that Rhianna don't want to look like THAT. She(Rhianna) is very pretty. Judging by her out of wack, haggedy looking self.,Amanda is Jealous of her because of Drake. I don't even think he would want to mess with Amanda.

    5. @ M:

      And unsurprisingly Amanda has been caught copying a black stripper in order to get Drake's attention. So does she really think Rihanna is ugly? Hell no. She is jealous as all get out.

    6. There are a lot of Black and Latino women getting butt implants also! That is where all these at home surgeons are coming from. I actually hate when people say black women have big butts because I do not. Even if I gain weight no butt.

    7. Who said that...I just said, features most commonly found on black women? It is a fact that WAY more black women have large round butts on average or small bodies. A fact rooted in our genetic history. Even if it skips you and thousands of other women, it is still there, just like kinky hair is someone in your DNA if you happen to have wavy hair. It's not just an accident that some (and more) black women carry more fat in their thighs and butts than women of other races (steatopygia). If that wasn't true, we would not have the tragic tale of Sarah Baartman.
      And that does not dilute the original point, which is that non-black women are praised and can get rich when they have features that are normally associated with black women.
      When people do black face, there is a reason why they use the exaggerated makeup around the mouth. B/c black people have big lips!! Not all, but enough to make it part of the stereotype. And how many times have we seen people mocking black women's butts by inserting things into their pants?
      Your post sounds like a derail. As a black woman I'm aware we are not a monolith and plenty of black women have flat butts, thin lips, straight hair, etc.
      That doesn't change the fact that Kim Kardashian is getting rich off of remaking her body in an image that is idealized by black people. She didn't attempt to become Pam Anderson (super skinny body, giant boob). She turned herself into a "white" video vixen type. She didn't attempt to become super slim with bleached hair like Jennifer Anniston.
      But while the girls with those bodies (whether real or fake) are going to only going to be in a chorus of booty shakers, she is a multi-millionaire.
      Meanwhile, black women who attempt to trade in sex and sexuality are basically painted as whores, but you rarely here anyone refer to the fact that Kim K came into the limelight b/c of her own homeade porn.
      I personally hate when people try to derail legitimate comments by saying "but I'm black and I don't have X!" or "but I'm white, and I have Y!"

  3. Great challenge! Can't wait to read 'em.

    I would also love to see Black women talking about the awesomeness of ourselves as the next challenge. To show solidarity, to show that the agenda to denigrate us and to make us feel bad about ourselves ain't workin.

    "Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me."
    -Zora Neale Hurston

  4. Okay for women to write these, too?

    1. You might as well. Kinda proving my point, btw.

    2. Hey, I'd agree with that any day of the week.

  5. Leo Princess5/28/13, 9:19 PM

    Well, this sounds like a great challenge! I hope I'll see both regular and new 'faces' ('screen names', I guess) contributing to this endeavor.

  6. @Mickey

    He had the nerve saying Black women were angry. Satoshi not exactly looking like Rain himself. You know Black women should be proud of themselves.Like you said, the world seems to want our styles no matter how "ugly" we are. I don't know about anybody else but I love being me just for those reasons, We can't be that ugly for people wanting to mimick our cultural styles.

  7. I love Abagonds challenge. This is going to be interesting.

    I remembered growing up in a mostly White community and back in day (the seventies) Farrah Fawcett was the woman that was idolized. It seemed that every man.. regardless of race... wanted her poster. It also seemed that white skin was the only thing that admired. If it weren't for my mom exposing me to other beautiful Black women and me admiring the beautiful brown skin tone of a Thai shopper, I probably would be in the White is right frame of mind.

    With all due respect, while Black women are bashed for their looks, I really don't see the big deal over Julia Robert,Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Anniston. I mean, as Abagond commented,they are just ordinary looking White women.. nothing spectacular about them. I mean, its like every white woman is beautiful even if some of them aren't drop dead gorgeous. To me, when you over expose something, I don't find it to be as attractive. Its like you seen one,you seen them all .The uniqueness dies because of it,but the world worships them no matter what. We've been taught that no one can be or look as good as White women.

    As I just said on a prior post, I'm glad that Black women are the way we are. I don't care how much were put down for our looks I'm just proud to be who Iam. I don't want to be White, I like being who Iam...being "different" and is enjoying it. Just imagine if we all had to live under strictly all White beauty standards. Not taking away from the White community, but it would be absolute boring to live like that and too look alike... BOOORING! Iwouldnt want to look like the same person.Its not always attractive to always be alike.

  8. I can definitely relate. I lost count of the number of times that I had to explain myself to people (even other black women) of my preference of black women. (Yes, I'm black in case if you're wondering.) It still boggles me of how society is STILL trying to stigmatize black women as the least attractive females of all "racial" groups.

    1. I'm sure it is so they can make sure that your magnificent and large black penis only points towards their own vaginas...

    2. @ ToddRodd

      Will I be getting a guest post from you?

    3. It would be my honor. Just give me a good minute.... and a cup of joe. ;-)

  9. Here's my post:

  10. This post reminds me of a post you did a while back called "The Rule of Being Nice."
    B/c I think a LOT of us have had situations where a person has said "aren't white/Asian/indian women so gorgeous?" If you do that, it is probably the last conversation we will ever have.
    As a black woman, I've never understood why people would expect ME to co-sign onto the idea that women of other races are inherently and collectively superior to me. I've never looked at any of those women and wanted what they have. I actually feel the opposite. I think about how sad it is not to have a pretty round butt, or to have no breasts, or to lack curvy thick legs. I think about how odd it is when your hair isn't thick and has no volume (which means I don't covet wavy hair on other black women either).
    But in what universe am I supposed to sit there like Boo-Boo the fool and say, "yassuh, they sho do look bettuh than black and nappy me."
    And when I say, no, not all, and point out that beautiful and really ugly come in equal numbers in all colors (although to my eyes, black looks good at much more often) they look at me like I'm crazy. I'm apparently supposed to naturally defer to/agree with my own inferiority.

    The other thing that I find non-blacks are okay saying to us is when non-black women who are aware of the high status they are granted by brainwashed black men like to tell you how angry their friends and relatives would be or have gotten if they've dared to lay down with a dirty, lustful, low class black man. At no point in my life have I ever felt the need to tell the person of another race anything ignorant that my friends or families might believe about how people would act if I dated X race of man.


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