"Our silence speaks volumes about you."

Excerpt borrowed from Sparky by way of Womanist Musings:

All marginalised people are practiced at biting our tongues. There are many many reasons why we do – because we know we’ll be the one who suffers for speaking, because we’re tired, because we’re sad, because we just don’t want to do this again. But remember:

Our silence doesn’t mean we’re ok with what you just said or did. Even if we return your smile or wave off your pathetic “no offence.”

Our silence doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt us, you didn’t make us afraid or worried.

Our silence doesn’t mean you didn’t assert your privilege, that you didn’t “put us in our place”, that you didn’t make the world a little worse for us.

Our silence doesn’t mean you didn’t trigger past traumas.

Our silence doesn’t mean you weren’t an arsehole.

Our silence doesn’t mean you can repeat your behaviour.

Our silence doesn’t mean that it’s “no big deal” or otherwise not important.

Our silence doesn’t mean you can tell people who do call you out on being a bigot that we agree with, accept or tolerate your bigotry.

Our silence isn’t consent and this is something privileged people really need to learn. Just because someone hasn’t called your arse out doesn’t mean your arse isn’t showing. Consider that our silence isn’t a sign that you haven’t done anything wrong but that you have put us in a painful, difficult position where we do not feel we can speak. Consider our silence not a sign that you’re not being an arsehole but that you – you as a person – are someone we don’t feel safe enough to call out. That you – you as a person – are someone who we don’t think will listen to us. That you are someone we have resigned ourselves to

See, if we trusted you, if we thought you could learn, if we thought you were invested in challenging your privileged, if we thought you really, truly gave a damn about marginalised issues, if we thought we could engage you without causing ourselves further pain or hurt – then we probably wouldn’t bite our tongues. If we thought the space was safe, if we thought you would listen. If we thought we could talk to you, then we wouldn’t be biting our tongue

Our silence speaks volumes about you.

Comments

  1. Silence is never golden.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Name: Astley Francis

    Codename(s): Pantherlily, Direwolf

    Poison(s) of choice: Vodka Cranberry,Long Island Ice Tea, Screwdrivers

    Duties at the bar: Patron

    Superpower: St. Lucian Bluntness

    Nature: Big kid

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brilliant. When these issues arise I always make sure I tell my friends that the only reason I am discussing this with you is because I love you and hope you want to learn to do better. Folks i don't care about, trust or know well I am either silent or just cuss and go. I always let them know that the reason you black friends for instance are talking with you about this is a good sign- for you-. If not, YOU need to ask yourself why.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Walks up shyly to Ankhesen, " I don't have a lot of money but I want to buy you the most expensive and tastiest drink ever made cuz you killed it and Thank you :)

    Runs back into the corner

    Brilliance at it's finest!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you sweetie, but I didn't write this.

      Delete

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