10.21.2012

So...Alex Cross

Why does every dude in every
action flick have to strike this
pose in their movie poster???
Previously

What I Just Learned from Tyler Perry

I told you this would be a separate conversation.

I went to see Alex Cross with two friends and two cousins of mine.  For 97.235% of the movie, I laughed.  I laughed when he was serious; I laughed when he was grieving.  I laughed during his shirtless scenes and laughed when he was...well, in the scene.

The rest of the time, my cousin and I just rolled our eyes.

Tyler Perry is and always will be "Madea."  He's never shedding that skin and hopefully, this is has been a lesson for other actors/directors trying to follow suit.

What was even more amusing than Tyler Madea Perry trying to be an action star was the flock of Tyler Perry fans sitting in front of us.  One was a gung-ho, ride-or-die fan, constantly telling him to "preach" and clapping really hard (by herself) when the villain died.

Mind you, it wasn't all Tyler's fault.  He had some moments, but the director was awful, the music was generic, the "writing" was laughable, the product placements were glaringly obvious (Cadillac), and the cast was filled with wannabes, has-beens, and simply-need-to-let-it-goes.

On a more serious note, the misogyny level in this film was on another level.  We had a diverse cast of women dying in diverse ways.

The first to go is an Asian woman, beautiful, wealthy, and hypersexual.  The killer gets to her by winning an MMA fight so she'll take him to bed.  He ties her up, drugs her, and cuts off all her fingers.  To start.

The second is the white female detective on Cross's unit who's screwing his teammate/best friend.  There are all sorts of verbal and visual cues to let us know a woman can't really handle this sort job and can't keep her emotions under control.  The killer stalks and kills her next.

Cross's wife dies last, while at dinner with him.  She's an extra-light-skinned sistah with a good career and who's pregnant with his third child.  Considering she got a bullet to the gut and died in moments, she's the second luckiest one in the movie.

Then there's the arc-villain's ho-ish, hair-brained Asian assistant.  She survives and flees with her employer to Southeast Asia (*facepalm*), but at the very end of the film, we find out she's a heroin addict.

Seriously, where the women are concerned, there's no end to the fail in this film.

Final verdict?  Wait for this piece of shit on streaming or DVD.  Do not watch while sober.  And bring along your most sarcastic friends.

18 comments:

  1. Leo Princess10/21/12, 2:17 AM

    I'd like to make a toast to Hollywood. *raises glass* Please keep saving me money!

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  2. I knew I wasn't gonna see that sack of donkey balls. When I saw that TP was playing Alex Cross, a character I love and have every book he's in, the FIRST thing out of my mouth was, "Somebody fucked up." The second thing was, "I know Alex Cross, and Mr. Perry, you aint no Alex Cross." The third thing was, "I appreciate you wanting to break the mold you cast, but bruh...that's going to be nigh impossible. I can't take you serious in this role."

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  3. It would be funny if they had Perry dressed up as Medea. Like he fights the killer literally as Medea along with some church music.

    On another note, this movie Ans the book was written by a white Guy so yeah

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    1. Church music is featured at Cross's wife's funeral. A choir sings "His Eye is on the Sparrow" in the cemetery.

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    2. Leo Princess10/21/12, 8:11 PM

      I just saw an anonymous comment on Tumblr complaining that James Patterson writes Alex Cross as if he is a man who happens to be black, and not as a black man. Their own words were that if you took out 4 or 5 sentences, you'd think Alex Cross was white. Having never read a Patterson book in my life, that comment made me rub my chin in 'hmm' fashion.

      Now I'm curious about what inspired Patterson to create Cross.

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    3. I love the character, but what was said has some merit; one I questioned after reading two or three AC books. JP describes his protagonist in a very specific way, as if he's written a formula for Alex and stuck it on his computer screen for easy reference. Alex is around 6', 6'2, a dark-skinned brotha, amateur boxer, world-class father, forensic psychologist, detective and FBI Agent from Southeast, DC. And it's said that "he looks just like Muhammad Ali." Damn near Superman with a suntan, imho.

      Alex is a good man but has a horrible track record with women in that his job interferes with the relationships in the worst way (his wife is murdered; his fiancee kidnapped, ish like that), and so he literally has a different woman in each book. There's at least 12 Alex Cross books, so draw your own conclusions.

      The AC books on CD kept me awake during my three-hour round trips to campus, and so I have a special place in my heart for them. But Alex gets into entirely too much shit and it gets old. JP is CLEARLY giving us a WM/Alpha male fantasy but masquerading it under the guise of a brotha for cool points, I guess.

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  4. I think I'm just going to pass on this one all together. I'm good.

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  5. I knew this film was going to be a mess. Tyler Perry when he is not playing Madea and playing the husband in Why Did We Get Married or a lawyer in his own films is ok, but I can't take him serious especially an Alex Cross character.

    Side Note: Ank... I heard Gina Torres will star with her husband Laurence in NBC’s contemporary take on ‘Hannibal'.

    http://blogs.indiewire.com/shadowandact/gina-torres-will-play-laurence-fishburnes-wife-in-nbcs-hannibal?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

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  6. Haven't seen it,but I'll take your word on it. I was hoping for better.

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  7. Given that it's adapted by something by James friggin' Patterson, I'm not surprised it's terrible.

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  8. Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. *shakes his head*

    That's all I'm going to say. lol

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  9. So, I was never gonna waste the money, but reading this makes me wanna keep away even more.

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  10. I feel sorry for perry. It was clear to me from the start that Madea was only a way to make cash....not what he wanted to be doing. Like most (black) actors.

    I was hoping Alex Cross would be good. Perry is handsome as a man , though I do not think action packed films are his suit. Perhaps the next film......

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  11. this seems like a fun movie to get drunk and go make fun of....when it inevitably shows up online I'll stream it with the homies.

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  12. Let this cheer you up:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXm8tllWnEI

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  13. Apparently Idris Elba was supposed to have the role instead but I'm not sure of why they changed to Tyler Perry. Granted I guess it gets annoying seeing some of the same black actors, but give me Elba over Perry anyday...because he can you know...act (I'm not counting Obsessed).

    The obnoxious thing about this is I bet people will again see this as a "black people don't sell movies" thing and probably NOT "shitty mystery/action movies don't sell" thing. I want to see more blacks doing action, horror, and sci-fi in the lead roles (sorry, I just can't with that Think Like a Man shit), and Hollywood has yet another excuse to not give them to us.

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  14. Misogynist piece of crap. Waste of money. Women get tortured and brutally murdered and it's PG-13. Throw in a sex scene and it'd be R.

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