Um...explanation, please?

I still want an answer to my question of 2-3 years. Who comes up with these names for tanning lotions??????

"Brown Envy"

"Black Berry"

"Black Diamond"

"Black Storm"

"Chocolate Diamond"

"Chocolate Indulgence"

"Chocolate Silk"

"Chocolate Temptation"

"Dark Chocolate Tini"

"Solid Black"

"Ultimate Black"

"Unbelievably Black"

"Whipped Chocolate"

"White 2 Black"

"Too Faced"

Mm-hm.....

Comments

  1. Girl like Paul Mooney said, "Everybody wants to be a nigga, but don't NObody want to be a nigga."

    I'm not surprised. The envy is apparent to all who care to see. The lip injections, the "Brazilian" butt lift, the tanning ect. They got black people in a bottle (sun screen), they got Black people in a pill (Melanotan), they got Black people in tubes (tanning beds). They got it all.
    If white skin is such a prize, then why does ANY one hardly ever go the fair skinned beauty way? What happened to the "english rose" complexion? They should be going out of their way to look like Morticia Adams yet the opposite is true.

    The sun gives them skin cancer, causes them to wrinkle like untanned leather and causes them to age exponentially more fast than they already to. Poor things age like dragonflies once they hit 30. All of this and they STILL go searching for that elusive melanated look.

    Want a laugh? Watch this.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQSJNbiH480

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. PTSD,

      " Everybody wants to be a n---a,but don't nobody want to be a n---a". Paul isn't lying about that.

      Delete
  2. They should say all say how to look black without being black.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They should also say how to look black but still pretend as if black people are grotesque looking. B/c they are good at that.

      Delete
  3. Leo Princess5/4/12, 11:35 PM

    Meanwhile, the naturally tanned and melanin-rich folks get smeared almost daily. Hmmm.

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  4. Leo Princess5/4/12, 11:35 PM

    "White 2 Black". But not for real, though!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lifecoaster5/5/12, 12:05 AM

    I believe the best saying is "They want all of the dark and none of the n******". I find it funny how they tell the world we're ugly and dumb and they're beautiful and smart but they insist on jacking all our shit. Because it ain't just physical qualities that they're envying.

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  6. I was just thinking about that woman in New Jersey who was accused of abusing her little girl with the suntan beds. Lol, she has taken tan ning to a whole new level. My god! She isn't tanned, she burnt to the max. It was rumored that she used tanning spray to give her a darker look.

    Im not a Jimmy Kimmel,but he described her correctly to a T, with all due respect she does look like that cartoon character, Wylie coyote after being exploded by dynamite. Man, she really don't look good at all. I wonder how many people may have bombarded with the " You look black" thoughts. I could be wrong about her,but like most of our critics, they want to look like us but don't want to be associated with us. As an African-American woman, I wouldn't want to look like her. She looks ridiculous.

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  7. The answer lies with the label: "Brown Envy"
    My wife is 56 years this summer and honestly, she looks to be half the age of that wrinkled 44 year-old bronzed specimen paraded in the media over the last few days. We're envied for our vibrant skin tones; augmented by an unerring tendency to age slower than whites.

    Just remember, Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If whites weren't hampered by political correctness this is how one advert might read:

    Are you a white person between the ages of 5 and 100? Have you aged beyond your years? Do you suffer from debilitating freckles? Have you ever been plagued by embarrassing liver spots or the tell-tale presence of chronic Rosacea? Then Brown Envy is the tanning solution for you. Brown Envy is specifically designed to bathe you in the dark radiant hue of the North American Negro. Replenish that pale washed-out appearance with a rich caramelized luminosity; while preserving the white privilege you've come to enjoy. Formulated from the finest oils of the inner-city Negress, Brown Envy contains no chicken grease; no MSG or other harmful racial peculiarities. Friends will envy you! Neighbors will fear and respect you! You'll be the hit of the party!

    So give yourself the gift of color; go out and get yo'self some Brown Envy today. Moreover, try our exclusive line of age-defying tanning solutions like: Grand Ghetto Premium; I can't believe she's not a Negress- Greased Copper and Spook's Delight! Available in fine suburban outlets everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had to. If there's one thing whites hate more than us its Political Correctness. If the South had won the war this would be a whole nother ballgame. Ads like this would be common place.

      Delete
    2. M.Gibson,

      *laughing* Brown Envy? Hmm..how ironic.

      Delete
    3. Hence the question. Who names these lotions and who signs off on them as a good idea?

      Delete
    4. M.Gibson ... You are hilarious!

      Delete
  8. Waiting on one that's named "Tar Baby."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. truthbetold5/5/12, 1:12 PM

      But I thought us Negroes were ugly!

      Delete
    2. Oh, you know the rules...Kim K's butt implants are beautiful, when we have naturally large butts it's gross and fat, Angelina's lips are exotic, ours are just big, if they wear afro wigs, they are being edgy but if we have real afros we are being militant, blah, blah, blah.

      Nothing exists unless white people know about, and nothing is worth having unless they co-opt, and it's not attractive until they copy it.

      I wasn't old enough to really remember but have read things that credit Bo Derek with making corn rows popular.

      Delete
    3. To quote Paul Mooney to white folks: "Explain this to me. Why is anything on us ugly, but when it's on you it's cute? Ain't that some shit! Ugly on us and cute on them!"

      And I have never heard a white person explain this, either. Maybe we should start asking questions.

      Delete
  9. http://www.millenniumtanning.com/index.html
    Millennium Tanning Products:
    Solid Black

    https://www.performancebrands.com/home.php
    Performance Brands Inc.
    Dark Chocolate Tini:

    Synergy Tan:
    http://www.heartlandtan.com/products/lotions/c/synergy-tan
    Brown Envy:

    Pro Tan:
    Unbelievably Black:
    http://www.protanusa.com/

    Just a few, but I'd be surprised if the CEO wasn’t white; course, stranger things have happened.

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  10. Lawd. Sweet black baby Jesus! Now I've actually seen Brown envy, but the other ones? These are new to me. I'm not surprised about any of this though. What we're born with naturally is always celebrated on someone else. I hear white folks go on, and on about how gorgeous Angelina Jolie's lips are, but these are probably the same people who teased the little black girl in their class for having the same features.

    I was on this skincare site and there was a thread on African-American skincare. I can't tell you the number of white women on that thread asking if black soap would work on their skin, or is raw shea butter would remove wrinkles, etc.. You have black folk like my great-grandmother and grandmother who never put a drop of sunscreen on their faces, and they had skin just as smooth and wrinkle free as a baby.

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  11. Nicthommi said...
    I wasn't old enough to really remember but have read things that credit Bo Derek with making corn rows popular.

    Ooh I remember the shameless display of Euro-esque beauty as movie trailers repeatedly showed her running down the beach in slow-motion; braids flailing haphazardly under the noon-day sun. (I was 21 at the time). I bought Ravel's Bolero because of that movie.

    She was considered a beauty icon of her time and her husband milked it for all it was worth. The skinny hussy! Oh but she doesn't look so graceful now I’m afraid.

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    Replies
    1. But she is a classic example of the rose-colored glasses that they wear when they look at each other, b/c when I see her interviewed, they fall over themselves to say how ageless she looks.

      I often wonder how much paint they huff to be able to say that stuff with a straight face, b/c they say it to all sorts of hacked up, botoxed old broads who are so knifed up they can barely move their lips.

      Delete
  12. Nicthommi
    But she is a classic example of the rose-colored glasses that they wear when they look at each other, b/c when I see her interviewed, they fall over themselves to say how ageless she looks.

    The inference being, for a white person that is. Now they don’t say it, but that’s what non-whites are thinking. The fact that most white women age so prematurely leaves most of us shaking our heads when these same weathered women are lauded for their comeliness. Another beauty who rose to fame around the same time as Bo Derek was Linda Evans. She looks like a piece of beef jerky now. White women spend endless hours in the sun chasing the perfect tan, only to pay for it just a few years later. They look comparatively well for women of the same age and race; but they’re far more advanced in years when measured to older black women.

    The one exception that comes to mind is 70 year-old Raquel Welch; but the bloom of her youth has finally given leave to time’s heavy hand. She fought the good fight though. Additionally, Goldie Hawn, Melanie Griffith and Kathleen Turner (just two years my senior mind you) acclaimed for her raw- sensual beauty in movies like Body Heat and, The Man With Two Brains; now resemble tired old barflies. Heather Locklear; each and every one of them could use a lifetime supply of Brown Envy. (For humanitarian reasons you understand).

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    Replies
    1. All of the people you mention are also pretty grotesquely deformed by fillers and surgery at this point. Linda Evans is one of the few that I think said she regretted her surgery, but in MOST cases, they act like she is still beautiful, but I'll be honest, I used to watch old Westerns on cable and I had NO IDEA that the daughter on the Big Valley was the same lady who was on Dynasty. She already looked like a different person.
      They act like Goldie and Melanie still look good, but both are really knifed up and full of fillers, (as is Heather Locklear)and Melanie Griffith's case wasn't helped by her drug problems. Antonio Banderas still looks aight so I'm amazed he can wake up to that every morning. Kathleen Turner had to start taking steroids but even without that, she'd have suffered the same fate.
      Few of the celebrity ones make it to 40 without having botox and fillers, and they all start getting facelifts (as you'll see if you spend any time around any white women of means too). In the general population, if they have the money, they use all of the same stuff, and my eyes can easily spot it even as they trip over each other to compliment themselves.

      The flip side is that I can recall their need to use an insult as a way to point out that my 50ish mom looked really young. So they'd leap to the notion that she was just young when she had me and was really in her 30's (this was when I was a high school senior).

      Raquel Welch has had a lot of work...there is always a tipping point where it becomes obvious. And she's also part Bolivian(and therefore likely part something that isn't white)which might have helped, but she uses LOTS of smoke and mirrors to maintain her appearance, and perhaps is just lucky enough that it doesnt' make her look disfigured.

      Funnily enough Heather Locklear MIGHT have a little brown/black envy in her family tree, but that is a story for another day...

      The whole brown envy thing has gotten worse b/c younger and younger folks are dealing with skin cancer and pre-cancerous growth, and so for example, I know under 30's who have already had procedures and the ones who follow protocol take extra precautions when exposed to the sun (so for example, person on my India trip had to wear sun proof clothing).

      Delete
    2. Nicthommi said...
      All of the people you mention are also pretty grotesquely deformed by fillers and surgery at this point. Linda Evans is one of the few that I think said she regretted her surgery, but in MOST cases, they act like she is still beautiful, but I'll be honest, I used to watch old Westerns on cable and I had NO IDEA that the daughter on the Big Valley was the same lady who was on Dynasty. She already looked like a different person.

      That was my point. In their attempts to hold on to youth they’ve become deformed apparitions of themselves; resorting to desperate measures to stave off old-age when most aren’t even 30 yet. Meanwhile we breeze through 30- 40- 50- and even 60 without as much as a line out of place. I was cursed with a young face. I’m 55 and I’m usually mistaken for a man half my years. I’ve had white people do triple-takes when they find out how old I am. I’ve had white people mistake me for my wife’s son.

      Primarily, I think it’s because whites aren’t used to being around us; we’re not part of their inner-circle. We work around them yes- they do commerce with us yes; but at the end of the day they go home to their world and we go home to ours. Hence our youthful glow still takes them aback at times because their point of reference is warped by a white narrative. Old-looking whites are a normal part of their world- not ours.

      Delete
  13. Lifecoaster said…
    “I believe the best saying is "They want all of the dark and none of the n******". I find it funny how they tell the world we're ugly and dumb and they're beautiful and smart but they insist on jacking all our shit. Because it ain't just physical qualities that they're envying.”

    All will come to the dark side eventually. Maybe that’s why whites celebrate youth so zealously; because for them at least- it’s transitory. Take Goldie Hawn for instance. Right now I’m looking at her afromedial junction (for those familiar with anatomy) also known as the Petticoatus Junction; which on most black women is positioned superior to the Dorsal aspect of her rectus-thermometer. Notice the flat, recessed carriage- the shallow depressions around her micro-caudal colic in hamas region. Well you don’t have to be renowned in anatomy to know that doesn’t look right. And I’m not even going to mention the distinct anterior curve of that supra-pretentious-dilator-norris non-grata thingy.

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  14. Well, Black don't crack and Hispanic don't panic. LOL

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    Replies
    1. "Hispanic don't panic" *buys Mickey a drink*

      Delete
  15. Hmm. Well, this all seems to match up with the suntan obsessed white chicks that jaunt around in SoCal. Usually, the tell-tale signs of skin damage start showing up by the time 20 hits, at the very latest. Case in point:

    The is Lauren Conrad in 2009, at the age of 23


    This is Lauren Conrad in 2010 all gussied with the miracles of airbrush


    This is Lauren Conrad today, freshly coiffed and photographed with softly diffused light and a Gaussian blur camera


    I'm actually fairly impressed that she apparently hasn't done much to change her natural appearance lately, unlike some of her former co-stars, so kudos to her. It gives young women and teens a realistic idea of what they can expect to look like after a maintaining a lifestyle under the baking sun for years, even while wearing designer brand sunscreen.

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    Replies
    1. LC is like 10 years younger than me and already has eye wrinkles!

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    2. You know who else doesn't look a day under 45? That Blake Lively chick. What does she do? I hear her name everywhere but I don't know why she is famous. She must be on some show that I don't watch. White women love to say she is the prettiest thing ever but I think she's under 25 but looks like she qualified for AARP (and wouldn't be that pretty even for a middle aged lady but you know how they are about skinny blondes even when their faces are hella plain)....

      Delete
  16. Perla Buttons5/10/12, 9:58 PM

    Ahem: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2141871/H-M-slammed-skin-cancer-doctors-alarming-use-deeply-tanned-model-swimwear-campaign.html?ITO=1490

    Why hire a POC when you can just make Isabeli Fontana take a bath in a vat of Brown Envy?

    For reference:

    http://www.google.com.au/search?q=isabeli+fontana&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&channel=np&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=2HGsT_q_JqqfiAeW0qDYAw&biw=1024&bih=579&sei=8XGsT8_yNcvrmAXe9LyvBA

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  17. Um, yeah...same script, different cast.

    http://www.spanx.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11792164&cp=2992553.11597102&parentPage=family

    ReplyDelete
  18. All of this has reminded me of a story I heard on Geraldo Rivera that aired back in the 90s. A black woman was fired due to changing her hairstyle from a relaxed style to briads. Her superiors called her in and inquired about the change. They wanted to know why she decided to wear braids, indicating that she looked fine before. When she asked if they did not like the style, they said that the style was beautiful, but obviously they did not approved of it as a professional hairstyle. She sued. Unfortunately, I do not know the outcome.

    ReplyDelete

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