So I'm Watching "Spartacus"....


TV Tropes: Spartacus

Don't ask; I have my reasons.  Peter Mensah is beautiful as ever (I'll focus on him another day), and I feel bad for Andy Whitfield dying from cancer at the tender age of 38.  He worked his ass off to become an actor, only to die after his first big break, leaving behind a wife and two children.  *shakes head*  Ain't that some shit?

But this post focuses on the women of Spartacus, zeroing in on Season 1.  My, my...they were a source of amusing disappointment.  And here I was wanting to yank my eyeballs out over the friggin' Vampire Diaries.  First, I'll let the actresses sugarcoat their bullshit characterizations for you.

We'll start with Spartacus's wife Sura.  She dies in Season 1.  That's what she's good at, you see: dying, being naked, having sex with Spartacus, and appearing in visions... sometimes all at once.

Sura (Erin Cummings)
Then there's Naevia.  Portrayed by an ambiguously-shaded actress who's one of two of the only constant women of color on the entire show, Naevia is a slave.  She is the most beautiful member of the cast, and her character is the sanest...but she's a slave.  The season ends with her being assaulted and mutilated by her mistress, then sold off.

Naevia (Lesley Ann Brandt)
Then there's Mira.  Mira is another slave, portrayed by yet another ambiguously-shaded actress (Taiwanese ancestry) and a very housebroken one.  When Spartacus's resists sleeping with her, she continues to throw herself at him.  At one point, she verbalizes her willingness to accept the "pale shadow" of the love he had for his wife.  Nice....

Mira (Katrina Law)
Now on to the noblewomen.  Illythia is the spoiled bitchy blonde of the show.  Despite all her cold viciousness, she's a bit of a ditz.  This picture comes from the Season 1 episode "Party Favors", from the scene where she molests a 15-year-old boy.

Illythia (Viva Bianca)
Brace yourselves for the last one.

I refuse to believe it's L--- L------.
Ohhhhhhhhh, how the mighty have all kinds of fallen.

Xena, what happened?  No, really...what happened?  You had the fandom.  You had the money.  You starred in your own series - did you really want to be back in the limelight this badly?  So much you bared your 42-year-old titties and fucked John Hannah onscreen while Lesley Ann Brandt stroked your clit?  Really?  I hope you're not expecting awards for this 'cause, honey... *shakes head*'s a hot-fire mess.

I'll give Lucretia some credit though; in the prequel she poisoned her father-in-law for getting on her last nerve, so I was like, "It's not a sword fight, but at least she's being THE biggest bitch of housewife she can be.  Murdering in-laws does get you some points."

Check out the women on the show now.  Tell me what glaring lack of progress you see 1.5 seasons later.  Notice anybody missing?


  1. Lesley-Ann Brandt quit the show and an actress named Cynthia Addai-Robinson is the replacement. She's listed on IMDb as Naevia ... *shrug* I guess they took the Naevia recasting as an opportunity to erase the character all together. Why am I surprised?

    1. Oh? I was wondering why Naevia looked so different last episode! Now it makes sense.

    2. Did she really??? Oh...there's hope!!!!

  2. I read a review on After Elton (I think), where Illythia was dubbed 'Paris Hilton B.C.'. They ain't neva lied.

  3. QueenofSheba2/12/12, 2:13 PM

    Hilarious how in all hollywierd's depictions of Rome, blue eyed white northern europeans are the Roman citizens when in reality, THEY were the SLAVES.

    Yes there were some african and middle eastern slaves, but after the conquests of Britain, Gaul (France) and Germany/Switzerland, the mass of slaves came from those lands closest to Rome along with the conquered greeks/macedonians etc.

    Oh, and the Romans were for the most part a tan/brown skinned curly dark haired medittaranean people, not much different looking from your average middle easterner or north african.
    Check out a Roman frescos from Pompeii-

    1. And yet the show's creators go on and on about the "authenticity" of the show.

      Why are there no Italian or Sicilian or Greek actors on the show? All the main actors of Western European descent. WTF?

    2. Leoprincess2/12/12, 3:26 PM

      It struck me that pretty much every Ancient Rome show/film I've seen have Romans, especially the upper-class ones, being played by Anglo-descended actors - with British accents (or close enough to it).

    3. you know it's ok for an Italian actor to play a mob boss, but he can't be a Roman Senator or a Ceaser...I would kill to have Pachino and DeNiro to play a Roman. But hey this is Aryanwood

  4. Oh shit the woman who played Xena Warrior Princess is in this....just wow is all I gotta say just wow.

    1. And I gotta say is these actresses need to remove their heads from their asses. They're not playing well-written roles for women. Their work is not empowering. Getting naked and being a total bitch or a helpless slave does not send an uplifting message to your female audience.

    2. No it doesn't. And it also makes me men look down on us as a sex even more. Male Misogyny is at play here, and I'm not liking that foul awful smell at all.

  5. QueenofSheba2/13/12, 9:13 AM

    Ankh, why do we even look up to these actors, actresses and performers in general? These people are the often the most narcissistic people alive, more than happy to sell their soul for fame and fortune.

    True talent always has a conscience and the intelligence to analyse what the hell kind of business they're operating in. That's why I'll never forgive Viola Davies no matter how much she publicly whines about how hard it is for black women in the industry. She sold her soul to take black women 100 years backwards, by playing a goddam Mammy character in the 21st century!

    No wonder she's being so lauded right now, oscar nominations etc. White supremacy/Hollywierd loves people who know their place and help teach their own kind to know theirs.


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