Contemplating "The BW/WW War"

(Thanks, Windy!)

"I personally have been around Black women my whole life and I know many Black women have been seeing Black men with white women their whole lives...it's nothing new to see that coupling and therefore I find it hard to believe that the majority of Black women are out there giving "angry looks" and making "snide remarks." I personally think that this is a stereotype that is over-played by certain people and put solely on Black women, just one more inequality to add to our list. I also think some people tend to get off and get turned on by imagining that all Black women are after them because they took a so-called "good brotha," or because they ARE a so-called "good brotha," with a white woman. (lol)

"But anyway, if that's been your experience...sorry to hear that but do not put that on ALL BLACK WOMEN.

"Also, please don't forget that at the end of the day you're in a position of privilege...yes white women you have white privilege.

"You have a head start, benefits that Black women and other women of color don't get...so you get a snide comment every now and then...do you know that Black women and other WOC not only get snide comments every day, but have to deal with daily inequalities that you'll never have to experience...and unfortunately they don't have white privilege to fall back on.

"The little snide comments that you hear (allegedly from Black women) for being out w/ a black guy...Black women deal with snide comments in our every day lives and it never stops. Unlike some people who can just get out of a relationship and go back to being white, Black women are Black our whole lives.

"We have to deal with the fact that we and our children are more likely to live in poverty, we have to deal with the fact that we're more likely to be incarcerated and serve longer sentences than ww for committing the same non-violent crimes, we have to deal with the fact that we're under-represented in professional careers and college campuses (while people pretend that affirmative action is reverse racism), we have to deal with the fact that we're more likely to be single mothers, we have to deal with the fact that our children are viewed as a burden on society, we have to deal with our children being taken away and put in foster care unjustly (just like in slavery), we have to deal with the fact that we're more likely to die at a young age just by virtue of the fact that we're black (lower life expectancy than white women).

"Not only do Black women have to deal with all the effects of racism on a daily basis, but black women have to deal with snide remarks about our capabilities, character, morality and intellect. Black women have to deal with having our beauty maligned every day, we have to deal with magazines making erroneous articles about how we're objectively the ugliest race of women, we have to deal with being virtually invisible in positive/desirable roles in movies/ television, but over-represented in negative roles. we have to deal with being told every day there's something wrong with us because we're black. We have to deal with being followed around the store for no reason other than we're the only Black, we have to deal with people telling us we're pretty for a Black girl...we have to deal with the fact that we're not valued in this society, and this is reinforced through missing white woman syndrome and the countless missing Black women whose faces aren't deemed valuable enough to appear on the evening news and we have to deal with stereotype after stereotype that they have put on us since we were first FORCEFULLY BROUGHT to this country.

"Then on top of all that now we gotta deal with alleged stories by some white woman about the stereotypical, eye-rollin, neck-swiveling, angry- Black woman...while some white women can just sit back and conveniently overlook their own privilege.

"This is just another thing that is getting put on Black women as if Black women are the worst of the worst, these jealous-hatin wenches who are just "hating" on white women for no reason... as if NO ONE else behaves inappropriately to others, as if other people aren't racist to Black women.

"As if white men and every other race is just so open-minded...right it wasn't a white male judge who recently barred a bm/ww couple from marrying and as if it wasn't white men who started the anti-miscegenation laws while they were out sexing Black women in the first place. As if there aren't some white women who express hostility towards Black women who date white men it's JUST Black women who are the problem...yeah...

"And the odd thing is, when some white women call foul for the alleged snide remarks and "looks" that Black women give to white women in interracial relationships, it seems people are more willing to accept that "inequality," but when a Black woman brings up all the inequalities above...she gets shut down by the same people who claim Black women are so hateful to white women...hey, I don't know.

"...Just one more thing to add to the list."

~ Chocolatesmoothie

Recommended

"If I Disapprove of Your Relationship, Does That Make You Feel Better?" by Lifeisannoying

Comments

  1. Believe you me white women hate hard on BW/WM. My younger sister went to a theme park with two white male friends, no black people gave her a hard time,but white women glared and stared at them continuously.

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    1. grey eyed girl6/8/12, 2:40 PM

      Yes they do, they stare and give dirty looks whenever you are out with a white man. I date and prefer white men and make no bones about it. White men like me so there it is. I have seen white women stare at other black women that are with white men too. I see it more now then I have in the past...more and more of us are dating and marrying out...and that is a great thing for us. Regardless what anyone thinks about it.

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  2. *standing ovation*
    Seriously I remember what a poster said on a site that black men and white women deserve each other cause of how egoistic they are, thinking that everyone wants them or must want them, shaking my head. It is never that serious!

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  3. Great comment...my friends who have or have had white boyfriends said white women will try to hit on the guys as if they aren't there. If he's especially attractive, expect them to go hard and cast lots of shade.

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  4. BW/WM is basically the new "forbidden romance" even though it's a mantle that neither side is looking for. BW/WMers aren't focused on rebelling against Daddy or getting attention from the community. In fact, the most annoying thing I experienced when I was out with the a white guy was people's inability to leave us alone. White women in particular had commentary; some would crash the date altogether. One time I was kissing a white dude and when we came up for air, we found that some white chick was sitting right next to us, watching our every move, not even blinking.

    Another time was when a white dude and I were out at a bar trying to have a conversation, and our mutual white female "friends" watched us from afar and kept calling him over for no reason. It got old for us really quick.

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    1. I'm sick the media pimping black women to white men. putting on shows telling BLACK WOMEN to date white men, that's bull sh*t don't tell us who we should date, if any thing they should be telling white men who to date (since they've always had the privilege and autonomy of being w/ who they want) because i'm tired of people always telling black people you need to pursue white people like they're some prize to be won...I'm offended...why should black women go running after white men in droves given our history and lack of care or concern from the overwhelming majority of white men when it comes to the plight of black women? White men (in droves) are NOT on black women's side...so I take offense to the media implying that we should be running after them...please...and most white men that i know of (and probably most wm period) have racist tendencies any way...I don't care what anyone says. White men (in general) are not on our side, they do not deserve to have us running after them.


      so sick of it...

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  5. Replies
    1. Just read the linked article. It was good, its too bad that she is no longer updating her journal. I'd like to connect with more British black women especially since I participate in these British fandoms now. Brits are always quick to claim that something isn't racist and tell me I'm viewing things through an American filter. I've done my research so I can usually break them down, but it would be nice to have journals like this to point them to.

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    2. Have you been to Aiyo's blog? She updates every now and again.

      http://blackbritishgirl.blogspot.com

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    3. Go to her tumblr. She updates that very often.

      Ai-yo.tumblr.com

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    4. YAY I GOT A SHOUT OUT!!! yeah i update my tumblr more often since it's quicker and eccentricyoruba.wordpress.com is from the UK too and she a tumblr

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  6. In my experience, most black women couldn't possibly care less about interracial dating when it comes to bm/ww. Hell many of the black women I know either are in an interracial relationship or have been in one themselves. They don't care. The few that do get jealous, caught up or "angry" or whatever usually aren't prizes to begin with.

    And I don't know how to break it to white folks, but um.....most black men (the ones worth having anyway) aren't as caught up on that whole "White Womenz R THE HOLY GRAILZ OF CONKWESTS" ish that society would have you think. Some of us have been there and done that, some of us haven't even bothered.

    For the brothers (worth having), if we do hook up with a white girl, it's gonna be because she's on point: she's gonna educated, sexy, kind, classy, etc. and is a rare find no matter the ethnicity.

    White folks go more batshit over interracial dating than POCs do. I had a friend one time white girl who primarily dated black men, her mother told her that if she continues to date black men, no white man would ever want her.

    There was an Asian girl I briefly dated back in high school. We were talking in the hall one day and a white girl just came up and started flirting with me in front of her. The hell?

    And don't even get me started on white folks trip in the gay community. It doesn't even have to be dates. I would often go out with my best friend to one of the clubs or bars and we got some of the dirtiest looks, from white folks who would accidentally trip and bump into us all the time.

    Funny how THAT never gets showcased in the media.

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    1. Of course not. Anything negative gets attributed to blacks. The media talks about bw hating ww with bm but hardly ever talk about ww hating aw with wm. I've seen it more than once. White women with hurt feelings because all the Asian women are snatching up their white men. The white men/Asian women pairing is the highest IR pairing in America.

      I came across this board were a ww had asked "Why are so many wm with aw?
      And an Asian woman (well she said she was) said, "White men love our naturally beautiful straight heads of hair and our tiny frames!"

      It cracked me up. But the media won't portray ww as self conscience or jealous.

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    2. Funny, I live in an area where the AW/WM pairing is VERY prevalent and I hear WW hating on it all of the time. It's kind of hilarious, and I've heard the comments in return about the skin, hair, and size being thrown out about why they are "better" too...

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  7. like i have said before, it's that "us vs them" crap. these couples want a reaction when no1curr. Seal+Heidi Klum were the most hated interracial couple and it's not because of Black women.

    Taye Diggs Mr colourstuck negro over there is the worst one. Blaming Black women for his show getting cancelled because they didn't like his white wife when no one new the negro was married or that he even had a show with a annoying concept. (you repeat the same day every episode? really? That shit is amusing for an episode but it get's annoying. i.e. Supernatual)

    On MediaTakeOut there was a post about a BM/WW dating forum argument that got all weird or whatever. Basically there are these thread where they post hot celebs and models and The white women members would post Black men and white men. Black men members posted white women, Asian women, Latin women and Black women. White women members had a problem with the hot Black women pictures being posted. Saying that they had no place on the blog. (but the white men pics do?)

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    1. Ah, MediaTakeout.....yea.

      It's funny how the Asian and Latin women didn't get shade thrown on them on that blog. Were they not considered competition? And if it's a BM/WW dating site, then the white women shouldn't have been putting up white men, since the black men can't do the same for black women (since they were the only ones singled out) they find attractive. I'm just saying.

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    2. Well, you know they have a real issue with us being acknowledged in any way. Esp. in relation to them, and esp. if they think they are being placed on even keel or a rung below black women.

      They throw a lot of sideways comments and back-handed compliments at black women and their looks in my experience.

      You will NEVER get one to admit that you hold your age better, or they'll throw in insult in rather than acknowledge it (I had someone suggest my mom must clearly have been super young when she had me even though at the time, she was nearly 50 and I was 17).

      So I'm not that surprised that they like to think that the black men who want to date only them do so b/c black women are all ugly, loud, and unappealing. Don't they love to throw out nonsense about "that's why men don't want you" too? But their endless narcissism and the fact that I'm sure more than a few turn to the n-word when their black Mandingo angers them is supposed to be so appealing.

      I mean, I can't even make myself look at that website but you know that they want those men to say that they hate ugly black ladies and their awful nappy hair. They need to hear that.

      It makes no sense. A black man who loves the white ladies will stay with them...so why are they upset is that same man like Halle Berry or Stacy Dash or Gabrielle Union or whoever black men who prefer white women like the most.

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    3. the looking younger thing drives them insane, I work for a university and I had another staff member try to talk down to me cause she thought I was a student worker, sure I ruined her day when she discovered I work in a position higher on the hierarchy than her, plus even if she thought I was a student, this is a prestigious university, our graduates make more money than she ever will

      meanwhile a white male staff member also thought I was a student but he was very polite about it

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  8. is this what you're talking about aiyo?

    http://cdn.mediatakeout.com/users/realtalc/119055/white-women-livid-over-post-of-hottest-black-women-post-from-black-men-on-whitewomenblackmencom-lmao

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    1. Their reaction was very telling.

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    2. Leoprincess2/11/12, 3:20 PM

      I found the perfect gif a few days ago, to respond to this temper tantrum: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v141/leohimesan/Animated%20Gifs%20Folder/U%20Mad%20Gifs/afrolady_umad.gif

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    3. yep yep. still too funny to me

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    4. Perfect gif Leoprincess!!

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    5. Leoprincess2/12/12, 3:34 PM

      @HazelEyedErica - Thank you! Who knew it would come in handy so soon? =D

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    6. I will be saving and using that gif

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    7. grey eyed girl6/8/12, 3:09 PM

      White women are very bitter, insecure and jealous. In their mind if a black man prefers them, he is not to have any feelings or contact with black women PERIOD! In their eyes, black men that prefer them has no business having any preference for other women... especially BLACK WOMEN.

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  9. @ ankhesen mie, yes it was telling
    and that gif is great.

    It's funny to me because black women are stereotyped as being the jealous ones, but all that commotion over a little thread with some black women ,when every where else we look we see white women plastered up on the walls and uplifted as the standard of beauty around the world. when just about every magazine cover has some white woman on it, one little thread is enough to set some people off when we already live in a white supremacist culture where ww are the beauty standard anyway...wow.

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    1. That reminds me of the white girls on tumblr that were mad at jerry lavigne jr's video when he said "Black women are the most beautiful women on the Earth." They were shouting racism and flooding everyone with WWT.

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    2. do you know how many times we see ww reinforced as being the most beautiful women on earth, when we get maxim's hot list, when we look at miss america, when we look at magazines...we've only had a handful of Black beauty pageant winners...we just got our African Miss Universe...how selfish and greedy can you be?

      You see your own beauty reinforced and validate everyday both directly and indirectly, but what do black women get the ugliest race of women from psychology today and movies like precious and the help...greedy

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    3. yeah they were livid over that little youtube video

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    4. grey eyed girl6/8/12, 3:19 PM

      Throughout history to this very present day black women have ALWAYS been used, labeled and lied on...all in the name of protecting the insecurities, jealousies and bitterness of white women...this is one of their many dirty secrets...not to mention how whorish many of them are. Hell, most white women don't even fit the white standard of beauty, most white women are BOTTLED BLONDES, not to mention so many of them wear BLUE CONTACTS...ala PARIS HILTON...PAMELA ANDERSON LEE...for starters...

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  10. Actually, the amount of anger reminds me that Vanessa Williams got straight-up death threats when she became the first black Miss America, and I would say that anyone who wants to say that white people like light-skinned blacks more should remember how mad they got when a black girl was picked as the "most beautiful" that year.

    Of course, the standby to the anger and jealousy is to just pretend that any black woman who is really pretty "looks just like a tan white woman." They do that EVERY.SINGLE. TIME. and it's never true. If I have to hear/read that one more time about some chick who has the same features as me but happens to be many shades lighter, I'm going to throw up.

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  11. someone should post a link to this post on this site: http://iswirl.info/2010/08/the-war-between-black-women-and-white-women/

    this is the type of white woman that the article is speaking about.

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    Replies
    1. "Jenni" is full of shit.

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    2. Leoprincess2/12/12, 3:34 PM

      And she wonders why black women don't want to be her friend? Really?

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    3. @ Leoprincess/ Ankhesen Mie, exactly. You cannot tell me with such a biased perception of Black women that that mentality doesn't affect her behavior to Black women (it's a self-fulfilling prophecy). It's very possible she's getting negative behavior (if that story is true) because she's putting out negative behavior.

      Also, people stereotype Black women as scowling and being mean to white women w/ Black men, but what people forget is some white women are the same way to Black women w/ white men. The only difference is, some ww just smile in your face the whole time, then stab you in the back later lol...that's the only difference.

      So I don't know why people act like Black women are so evil, I don't even know how this stereotype got put on Black women in the first place...this has been the stereotype that's gone on since waaay back, it's getting old. So, I agree this is just another stereotype that's put on Black women.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08YJGQ9FN-U&feature=related

      and this link was from the original article: http://www.dawnali.com/lovinmysistas/index.php?topic=3354.msg27604#msg27604


      People need to stop being so insensitive to Black women and people need to stop making Black women out to be sapphires who degrade white women, while overlooking the racism that is directed at Black women by white women, white men and pretty much every one else. It's tiring.

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    4. What's funny to me is that WW who brag about being with BM are always quick to call BW jealous, but have you noticed that they never rub that ish in WM's faces? They are quick to go to a BW-oriented website and brag about taking BM, but I bet they'd NEVER run over to Stormfront or other white supremacist websites and rub it in WM's faces that they are leaving them for N****s. They know what would happen - a cyber-lynching would be in order.

      And I'm pretty sure they are not aware of the history of race-mixing between BM/WW. During slavery, if a WW had sex with a BM, she would be enslaved. If she had a baby with a BM, they would kill both her and the baby. If WM got there way and things went back to the way they were, they'd drop those Negroes in a nanosecond.

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    5. grey eyed girl6/8/12, 3:26 PM

      They ARE aware Mickey...that is a big part of the problem...Wendy, I never knew there was a "war" between black and white women...I don't own black men and they don't own me...I prove it all the time by what I do and the white men I love and enjoy dating. White women need to get over it.

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  12. I honestly think every race is beautiful I just come to find that the white people don't understand how to appreciate beauty when they see it. And Black women are not the ugliest race of women out there, fuck no! They have got to be completely delusional with that one, cause I'm sorry I have see gorgeous people in every race and I've seen ugliness in every race too, and then the middle beauty in every race. But either way not one whole race in it's entirety are gorgeous as a whole or ugly as a whole.

    And that just pisses me off, and I've noticed it's more white women given black women the stank eye more than anybody else. I mean white bitches give anybody of any color the stank eye. Fuck I've been given the stank eye by white boys(yea white boys I've gotten some by white chicks too but white boys are repeat offenders I'm afraid) for (while I was dating) hugging and kissing my Korean boyfriend (whose of dark skin tone) a stank eye, just because I'm mixed decent (Caucasian, Asian, and Native American [I'm no more than 15-20% of that which is why I don't broadcast it, cause I'm not sure how much the percentage is and secondly I don't feel like it's any of those white asshole's business to know everything I am either).

    And you know what I have to bring this up because this happened to me in high school, I was in my computer class and you know how you have binders and books sitting on top of the desk well the son of a bitch takes one look at my binder which has a very, very attractive Japanese man who has German ancestry in him and says this" Uuugh all the goddamn Japs, stealing all the fucking hot women in American and taking them from us, what the fuck...stupid japs" and then to make it worse he calls me a cunt. I almost cried. I mean I'm used to dealing with the stank eye and some of the racist lingo I get thrown at me, but that was flagrant disrespect and racism shown in a school setting and he got away with it. That's what hurt the most. I went home and cried ....white boys need to get in trouble for this kind of shit and they never do.

    So you know what when you see racism call em on it, tell an authority figure who can't ignore that sort of thing because they're in a position where they could get caught in a law suit if they don't act on it, and have them handle the situation, because that's the only way these white pricks are going to get there just desserts for the deeds they commit against people of color. I mean WTF, I've seriously had enough. And a lot of white people depict black people or any POC, as bad terrible people. But instead I find the exact opposite I find that a lot of black people are nice, or any group of people who are not white tend to be nice. I guess this is just whitewashing at hand I suppose. So I'll continue getting the stank eye and I'll be proud of be mixed because that's what I am and why should I be ashamed of the fact honestly.

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    Replies
    1. I agree there are beautiful people in all races, definitely...people seem to apply this every race, but Blacks for some reason though and I do not understand it. We're such a diverse group but people want to confine us to these one dimensional image.

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    2. I believe that this attitude is more prevalent in America than in other places. Not saying that it doesn't exist elsewhere, but I've read too many stories from Black women and men traveling abroad to Europe and how much more appreciated they are, even for their beauty. In America, the Black race is viewed as the lowest of the low and, therefore, the ugliest, however, with some exceptions. This racist programming infects the psyche of all races of people in America and it's conditioning continues.

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  13. @Steph:

    You should have cussed his motherfucking ass out. I'll be damned if I let anybody call me a cunt, or anything else that disrespectful. Fuck the consequences; sometimes you have got to take a stand and defend yourself, because no one else is going to do it.

    #godownswinging

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    Replies
    1. And you're right I should have, I was too overwhelmed at the time. Now if that was said now I'd have kicked them so hard in the throat they wouldn't be able to speak for awhile :). Gotta love Capoeira it'll kill a bitch.

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    2. grey eyed girl6/8/12, 3:32 PM

      You aint neva lied Amaya, he would have been all kinds of cat-dick bitch ass motherfuckas and stacks of bitches to boot! One thing no one will get away with is disrespecting me, talking to me like that, hell to the naw!!!

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  14. Given the topic, I think this bit from Paul Mooney fall in line.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0leO-khNz-w

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