Contemplating "Black Jealousy"

A recent discussion on the Narrative got me thinking about non-Black people who look down on Black and claim that we're jealous of them.  I've read this from various commenters in various spaces on the net, and there's always been something about that thinking which just bugged me (aside for the obvious).  It took me a while to fully articulate it until today, when I met some awesome, beautiful Black women at my new job, and every word out of their mouths literally made me think, "God, I love Black people."

Some Black people wish they had more money.  They wish for bigger houses, nicer cars, better schools for their kids, and less overall harassment and drama from society.  Some of us wish we'd gone to college longer.  Some of us wish we'd gone to a better university.  Some of us wish our families were better connected and our communities more united.  And while some of us envy these things in other people, we generally don't envy the people themselves.

In other words, Black people generally wish for better lives as Black people.

No disrespect to non-Black people, but we don't want to be you.  Take Moi, for example; I am a pygmy.  I am thick. I...am vain...as hell.  I don't want to be a white girl.  I don't want to be a Latina.  I don't want to be an Asian chick.  I love Moi "as is" and I look at my reflection every goddamn chance I get.

I love nothing more than toying with my curls or lathering my skin with cocoa butter or rocking some braids or twists.  At the cultural level, I love being a Wimbum girl, and I don't wish I'd been born into another culture.  I love listening to my mother tell hilarious stories in Limbum, I love hearing about our people's history from my uncle*, I love our food, I love our clothes, I love our music, and I like the love-hate relationship my fellow Cameroonians have with our neighbors the Nigerians.

I love Africa; I love Africans and all their descendants worldwide.  I wish that a lot of things hadn't happened to us.  I wish we had more than we do now, but I would never wish that we weren't us.  We're simply too awesome to not want to be us.  And for all the smack everyone else in the world talks about Africa, people worldwide are constantly coming to our continent and refusing to leave.  Those who get deported from our countries actually try to sneak back in.

So for all the people out there comforting themselves with the thought that they're "better" than us and that we're "jealous" of them, um...no.  We might want your stuff (which is why some of our more misguided kin might rob you), but we don't want to be you.

This is the part where some troll comes in to rattle off about "the Black people they know", or post a link to some ethnic autophobe's online journal of self-loathing.  *chuckles*  It's funny how non-Black people always befriend such Black people and deliberately seek them out.  Newsflash: those folks are sick.  You're comforting and flattering yourself at the expense of people who are sick.

Just FYI.

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*I also really enjoy conversations about Limbum with my uncle.  He's been the first relative to fully and properly explain my Limbum names.  My first name is basically a question/proverb which cautions against excessive worry.  My middle name is derived from an old term meaning "good behavior."  My last name refers to "the people's trouble" or "a troubled people."

Thus, my uncle explained, my real name essentially means, "The one who, through good behavior, eases the worry of a troubled people."

Comments

  1. Girl, I love being me! I don't want to be white, Latina, Asian...nothing compares to my blackness. Even though I'm of the lighter persuasion, I don't claim anything but Black. I've got a body that other women (read: white) envy and they can't stand not being able to guess my age. There ain't another race that has what I have or can work it the way I do. And this holds true for every sistah I know. I don't roll with chicks drowning in self-hate.

    They hate us because they want to be us. As my girl Jill Scott says, "Hate on me hater/Now or later/Cause I'm gonna do me/Go head and hate on me hater/I'm not afraid of/What I got I paid for"

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  2. It's never occurred to me to want to be anything other than Black. That's the way I was raised. Not throwing shade at anyone else, but why would I want to be anyone other than who/what I am? Being Black is an incredible/powerful experience and I wouldn't trade it in. I agree that it's about living a quality life as a Black person, not wanting to change places w/others.

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  3. It took me a while, but I love my dark skin. And while I got love for my Cuban and Native American heritage, at the end of the day I'm as black as the ace of spades and proud of it. I keep on with my thick, baby-faced self and give haters employment.

    As for this hate towards us and our sisters, I will quote my brother: haters are fans too afraid to ask for autographs. So when people throw shade just say, "If you want me to sign something for you just ask. Need a picture?", and watch them foam at the mouth.

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  4. I had a similar conversation with a few of my classmates in grad school. A white ex boyfriend of mine got in contact with me and told me about the girl he was currently dating (or trying to date) who was from Africa but spent the majority of her life in Holland. He told me she was a journalist major and directed me to some pieces she'd written for the college she attended (not far from mine incidently). One of them was about how she and untold numbers of black women wished they were white! I was flabbergasted and then I was angry. She'd written this article and had it published in the predominately white school's newspaper. *shakes head* I asked my sister and two of my black female classmates if they had ever wanted to be white. Talk about a big fat resounding "No" lol. And when I had them read that girls article the consensus was that something had to be wrong with her.

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  5. I live and die as I am. So people who try to be something that they are not baffles me. Like how people try to be "black" is very amusing to me, and I pity them. (Not really)

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  6. Easy. They assume we want to be them because they want to be us. Period. Even when we straighten our hair, we are accused of wanting to be white. Even though there are a plethora of others on the globe with straight hair. That's all they have. The hair. Take that out of the equation (and with many enlightened sisters, they already have thanks to the trend of embracing natural hair) and the only thing we want from you is....

    *drum roll*

    To be left the fuck alone. But they can't seem to keep us out of their mouths. I LOVE being me. I LOVE the fact that I am 5'11",very slender, caramel brown and look like Chanel Iman. When they ask what I am...or where I am from, I tell them succinctly, "I am mixed with Black, African American, Colored, and Negro with a far distant dash of slave rape". I look damn well Black. How dare you insinuate that my beauty must be co opted by whiteness. The fact that I look like their "ideal" Black woman makes them salivate. You should hear some of the fecal matter that drips from those thin ass lips. And the fact that I'm intelligent. Oh, I've made eyes bug out and veins pop. If I had 1,000 fucks in one pocket and 2,000 shits in the other, I still wouldn't give not ONE. Not a single solitary one. Why would I be jealous? I have skin that doesn't need tanning. An ass that sits high. Full lips without man made fillers. Genes that ensure I will STAY looking this way well into my 40's and beyond.
    My favorite is when they ask my age or if I go to school. When I answer 32, I swear they look like they're about to cry. Lip quiver and all. Ask me my secret and I say, "melanin". Then I tell them about "Melanotan". With a straight sweet as pie face. And they actually look interested. Like, "hold on let me take out a pen and some paper so I can write this down" interested. Yeah. I can be as cold as a snake in a Edenic garden.
    These people don't play. Why should we play back? If they could they would be running around in Buffalo Bill versions of our skins all the while proclaiming, "We're not niggers!! We HATE niggers!". Reminds me of that creepy scene in that movie "Surrogates" where this white scientist was wearing a Black man suit. Fantasy made reality, I suppose.

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    1. You totally read my mind. I was going to write some of the SAME things you did. I've had people who don't understand how I have so much education and work experience when I'm "so young" (2 grad degrees and did 2 years of medical school plus many years as an engineer). One white lady even said, "but you're like 19." I mean, she was exaggerating but they pretty consistently assume that I'm at least 10 years younger than I am (late 30's). So 20 something whites think we are chronological peers, and my real chronological peers don't understand why I remember the 80's.

      But yeah, I like to tell people I take a good dose of black in the morning, b/c skin care specialists and regular people ask me what I use to make my skin look this way.

      I'd point out, why would I want to give up breasts that are large without surgery? We don't all have them but let's be honest, who else has such large ones on otherwise small bodies (although they LIKE to pretend it's just from us being so fat).

      It doesn't take a lot for them to jump on this idea that we all feel inferior, so I get pretty angry when stuff like Good Hair comes out and they launch into their garbage about how they had no IDEA that black women hated their hair so much and think that all we want/need is a pep talk that we are just fine the way we are. Funny, they defend their right to disfigure their bodies with plastic surgery and botox and don't feel the need to tell each other that their pathetic attempts to cling to youth are unnecessary. But maybe I should start trying to cheer up the plastic surgery victims and tell them that they are fine the way that they are.

      I've had random white (and Asian) women marvel over how much hair I have, and who say they wish they had as much. A Korean beauty supply store owner complimented it (as opposed to Chris Rock finding that couple who put it down). They conveniently ignore how many of their sisters wear hair pieces to make their hair more than see through. A LOT of them are follicularly challenged that way.

      So tell me again why I'd give up my skin that will not wrinkle, but will MAYBE sag a bit if I'm lucky to reach my 80's or 90's, b/c that is really how the older women in my family look. Never real wrinkles, the first sign of aging is when the collagen breaks down and the skin sags ( when I was in med school, was taught we have more of naturally). But spots, crows feet, lines, not really.

      Girl, and don't even get me started on the asses. I mean, I ALWAYS felt so bad for those girls with their wide hips who would turn to the side and look like they had a cafeteria tray stuffed into their pants/skirts. I was like, how is that physically possible and how is that attractive to anyone?

      The thing that makes it easy for them to assume the we want to be them (as opposed to your point of being treated better just as we are) is that for example, an ugly white women will regularly get treated like she is above average, pretty, or special. And a gorgeous black woman will be treated like she is below average and ugly.

      So they can honestly look at their plain, tired, old looking faces and think that the reason is b/c they look better than you, and from there it isn't much of a stretch to believe that we think that too. I mean, they get pissed off about this, but I just look at the ones who have hit 30 and they look so bad and old and I'm thinking thank goodness that isn't me. It's like they age about 7 years for every year at that point.

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    2. ^ THIS! My mom is 48 years old! She still gets asked for her hall pass when she visits my brother at his high school. She still gets asked for id all the time. She's still mistaken as my sister. This is going to be going on for a while because recently all the women in my family went out together and my grandmother was mistaken for my mom and aunt's older sister! My grandmother is 67 ya'll!

      Of course white women use our youthful appearance as ammunition to hint at us being loose teen mothers.

      And PWAHAHAH @ Melanotan!!!!

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    3. yeah my grandmother was mistaken for my mother when I was little, she was in her 60s...she's passed on, but she aged very well.

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    4. "I am mixed with Black, African American, Colored, and Negro with a far distant dash of slave rape"

      HA HA I'M LOVIN THIS I'M USING THIS FROM NOW ON!

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  7. One thing I've noticed online over the years is how white folks REALLY get angry when blacks and for that matter other POCs discuss how much pride they have in themselves.

    When I make posts discussing how bad black folks have it, white fauxgressive allies tend to get off on the pain porn because they probably read it as how much better they have it and we want to be like them.

    Yet drama usually pops off when I'm discussing black pride and how awesome it is to be black and how rich our history is and why I'm happy to be me. Suddenly white folks come out of the woodwork trying to derail the conversation and shut us down. Because the thing they fear the most is black folks loving themselves and having pride in themselves.

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    1. Agreed. The more control Black people have over themselves, the less power that they have over us.

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    2. Leo Princess2/22/12, 10:15 PM

      Your last paragraph connects to a thought I had days ago. Some folks love to cuss us when we're dragging our asses, and still cuss us when we do the whole 'bootstraps' thing and succeed in life on our own terms, out of our own free will, and mule-stubborn determination. I'm like, "Make up your mind! It's looking like you need to cuss about us to reassure yourselves! And that could NOT be the case, right?".

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    3. I agree...haven't you noticed how much black women who hold their heads high are vilified and how much hatred people will have for them?

      So while she might be a controversial example, I feel as though Star Jones is a good example of this. She was the best-educated person on the View, and peopled hated her. However you feel about her personally, she's clearly intelligent and well-educated. She is many things that I think young black girls should strive towards. She was black, dark-skinned, and seemed to be happy with herself despite committing the cardinal sin of being fat too.

      Funny how much happier they are having Sherri Shephard, who is frankly an uneducated idiot at the table. And honestly, I think they like seeing stuff like the Real Housewives of Atlanta or Basketball "Wives" (why that isn't basketball baby mammas I don't know). That is what they want to think of black women being, and I don't hear people hate those women like they hate educated and proud ones.

      It's great if you are the stupid black woman. Not great if you are the "Uppity Negress." And the reasons why people hate the "Uppity Negress" can never be properly articulated, or are quite flimsy relative to the amount of vitriol directed at her.

      But you are NEVER supposed to be proud . Just a stereotype. Or be like Oprah and publicly complain about your black body so they don't hate you for being a billionaire and assume that everyone with that body hates it just as much.

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    4. It's great if you are the stupid black woman. Not great if you are the "Uppity Negress." And the reasons why people hate the "Uppity Negress" can never be properly articulated, or are quite flimsy relative to the amount of vitriol directed at her.

      Exactly. They never seem able to fully and properly explain what so bothersome about a successful, educated Black woman who's minding her own business. So much that they fall back on the old, "Oh, I dunno how to explain it, but I just feel that way."

      That's when they begin focusing on their right to their opinions and feelings, and how you accept and respect their racism based on that right.

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    5. Nichthommi says that white people age in cat years...7 years for every one year they age...I busted out with that one...LMAO!

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  8. BlackPeoplSufferFromPTSD
    LOL!!!!LMAO!!!! Soo seriously co-sign!!!
    really why would I want to be anything other than my fine ass black self?? I once had a friend who was surprised that i got pissed off in winter because my skin got lighter and makes me look (to my eyes) a little sickly. I love my skin deep and glowing with with the sun. I rock a big fluffy afro and have never seen a perm or straight iron in my life.I am constantly in the brightest colours i can get my hands on to show my skin off that i wake people up in the mornings when I step out lol!! plus I look half my age. In fact yesterday, rocking my turquoise coat and fluoro pink megascarf My sister asked me to buy her cigarettes and the clerk ( a turkish guy) asked for proof of age!(16 in the UK)I'm nearly 32!! his mouth and the white ladies in the queue behing me dropped open. my mum always told me " Black don't crack". That was a good day, usually people think i'm about 20 and still in school and try to patronise me. Too funny!!

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  9. I always loved being Black even as a child I never felt the way that many other young girls feel. I watched all the Black sitcoms that were on during the 90's if there was a Black girl in something I would love to be here. Aisha from power rangers was my twin as far as I was concerned.

    I always drew Black people in my art when I was a child. I used up both shades of brown in the pencil case. When I would write stories in creative writing class yeah it was Black as can be.

    Yeah I love my Black arse self. Whiteness you fail at making me hate being Black but you get a F+ for effort

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  10. I love my blackness. I was never one of those black girls that desired whiteness. I love my skin and I LOVE my hair. I love the fact that next month I'll be 39 and people think I'm 29. I love being a black woman. I don't know any black women (At least not the ones I roll with)that want to be white, or look white. Black women ain't the ones that are envious and hatin. (We all know who is..)

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  11. "My sister asked me to buy her cigarettes and the clerk ( a turkish guy) asked for proof of age!(16 in the UK)I'm nearly 32!! his mouth and the white ladies in the queue behing me dropped open. my mum always told me " Black don't crack". That was a good day, usually people think i'm about 20 and still in school and try to patronise me. Too funny!!"


    LOL!!!! Girl EXACTLY!!! You know they age like frickin DRAGONFLIES! -_-
    That's why their women are obsessed with staying young and their men always trying to find someone younger. You almost NEVER hear that about Black women. It's why a great deal of their men like Asian women. They look so young. But the Asians are calling bullth*t too! Here is an article from an Swedish gentlemen talking about how white fetishism is tantamount to pedophilia in terms of asian women and white men. Here's a link.
    http://www.lovelovechina.com/general/yellow-fever-pedophilia/

    And look at funky musty ass Hollyweird. You have them pushing this Aryan agenda/ideal.....but behind closed doors many of them are married to or seeing Black women. Like George Lucas and Quentin Tarantino to just name a couple off the top of my head. And there are a surprising number more. It makes me think of a child who tells other children that a particular candy is nasty so they can have it all to themselves....
    But everyone loves chocolate.

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  12. All I can say is this is a great post, but I expected nothing less.

    I think this is a revolutionary move on one's part, to love your skin and the skin of those like you.

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  13. QueenofSheba2/22/12, 4:05 PM

    In my opinion the crux of the matter is what it means to be 'black' versus what it means to be 'white' at a genetic/cellular level.

    The main difference other than hair type is the concentration of melanin in the skin and other tissues. Blacks are FULL of the the darkest type of melanin and whites are DIFFICIENT.

    There's a huge amount of scientific research being done on what the substance melanin does in the body, and I can assure you it doesn't just keep us looking young and protect us from skin cancer. There's a lot of it in the brain and inner organs, and some researchers believe that it has an effect on energy, consciousness and spirituality.
    Check out 'Why darkness matters: The power of melanin in the brain' by Ann Brown PhD on amazon.com for more info.


    I think you can never really understand the root cause of the dysfunctional relationships white people have with blacks without understanding that at some level, our presence makes them hyper aware of what they LACK.
    This unfortunately includes not just racists or bigots, but also white friends, supporters and lovers etc.

    From my observations, the only real difference between these two groups is that the former reject the reflection of themselves as lacking something fundemental and try to 'smash' the mirror that black people represent by degrading us; and the other group literally try to absorb us into themselves to make themselves feel more 'complete'.

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  14. Honestly I'm glad this is being said because when I hear "oh that bitch just wishes she was me because I'm white" I'm just like" Bitch why would she want to be as pale and shapeless as your white ass...fuck off". And that's when I get attacked verbally over my physically because I stood up to their racism. They normally come after me for the fact that I don't have big ass blow up balloon tits that they do, but honestly I'd rather have my nice shapely ass and hips which more guys want to grab then their big ass tits and their poor excuse for an ass i.e flat as hell.

    And I know I can't exactly relate to this because I'm not African American. However I can say I do appreciate the music and the art. I know this is considered Afro Brazilian but really do appreciate and adore Capoeira, love doing it seeing and hearing the song. The sound of the Berimbau is absolutely exciting and the songs sung in Brazilian Portuguese. Can you tell I'm addicted to Capoeira? lmao.

    And I don't understand why white women say black women are trying to be white if they straighten their hair. It's simply not the case. I love all types of hair on women and I think whatever a woman feels most comfortable with is what she should have, and just straight up rock it.

    And @Jellybean14 I feel ya on not liking the whole lightening up in the winter thing. I hate it too, it's just uncomfortable for me...I know I look better darker.

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    1. It’s funny you mention the musical and artistic contributions of black people because just this week I spent time watching clips of Josephine Baker and the Nicholas Brothers on youtube, admiring dance ability I would describe as complete perfection. I do a lot of dancing as cardio exercise and because I like dancing to Caribbean music, I listened to more calypso, soca, punta, samba, salsa, and many other genres that I ever have in my life. What I really love about the music styles is how obviously African derived they are and how closely they’ve stuck to their African roots. The first time I heard Bobi Wine (from Uganda) I thought I was listening to Trinidadian music. I’m going to make a concerted effort now to listen and buy from artists in Africa and the Caribbean because I am always in awe of the sounds, I wouldn’t want to live without it lol.

      White people love to liken black people to a plague when in fact we’ve enriched the culture of practically every continent that we’ve touched. I have a true appreciation of black culture now that I am an adult and I wouldn’t want to be anything but black and part of this rich heritage we have.

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    2. I agree with that completely and totally. I just don't understand why white people are so obstinate to give credit where it's due. And yea I love to Samba and Salsa I feel sexy when I do it; I normally doing these dances at Capoeira class though. Capoeira is a very big part of my life and I'd never be able to give it up considering how much there is to learn and I love everything about it.

      And white people need to wake up and smell the coffee and wake up to the fact that they're not the best in everything and that black people are not the enemy or the plague as you put it.

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  15. I remember going into a middle school with my little sister to register her, and there just so happened to be an older black man approaching the desk around the same time. The white lady at the reception pulled out 2 forms to fill in and asked which grades my sister and I would be entering. Apparently my 20 year old 5'8" self looked a little young to her, LOL.

    I think when I was younger, I wanted the things associated with white privilege; like not having to be constantly vigilant about discrimination, and being well represented in media-- although I wouldn't have had the words to express it. But I never wanted to BE white. Not when it would mean missing out on my family's Caribbean-style get togethers, and not having to worry about sunburn at the beach, and being able to wear Apple Bottom jeans XD

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  16. "What are you?" is usually what I get. I usually get mistaken as Indian but I quickly correct them and tell them that I'm Black and Beautiful. I can't tell you how many times people become exasperated and wish to understand how a long line of BLACK people produced someone so "exotic" as me. "What are you? Dominican, Indian, Mexican, Mixed, Native American, Chinese (yeah, really!)?" "Black, just plain beautiful black" "...Are you sure?" White People get mad and try to Whitesplain to me that I must have some white in me in order to produce my looks, as if Black people cannot possibly produce something so unique and non-stereotypical as me. Yes light skinned blacks do fall in love with dark skinned blacks. We're that diverse.

    It was also interesting dealing with different races. Indians usually think I'm a culturally-incompetent Indian and give me looks when I show up to an Indian event wearing a "Yes, there are black people in Iowa" t-shirt. When I met my White ex's family, he would make inside jokes with me hinting at my blackness in front of his brother, who literally sat there confused. I finally told him, I'm African American. He didn't believe it until I had to show my braid line under my weave. His parents didn't realize until I sent them a Kwanzaa card and talked about being a Black engineer. Also, it's interesting the conversations I've eavesdropped on when whites (including my ex's father, dear God was he a piece of work) would make disparaging comments about Black people especially when they didn't realize a Black was in the room. I am literally contemplating making a web comic about my experiences along the lines of Awkward Black Girl and call it "The Adventures of Racially Ambiguous Black Girl" or something like that :P

    However, I feel Black people's Black-dar (Black Radar) is also lacking. It's often frustrating to not only be accused of "acting white" but then the fact that l look so racially ambiguous makes me feels disconnected from the Blacks that I meet in school. Even though I took an Exec Position in Black Student Union and National Society of Black Engineers, I still feel like I have to prove and insist emphatically that I am indeed Black. I can't tell you the ruckus I made on the Awkward Black Girl Facebook Page because Black people actually asked if I was Black and I called them out on having such a stereotypical view of what "Black" looks like. It has also led to some awkward encounters with Black men who approached me when I had my weave in thinking that I'm exotic or "must have a great great grandmother who was a native american princess" and literally clam up and walk away and not even acknowledge me when I told them "Not exotic, just Black"as if my Blackness disgusts these self-hating negroes. I focus on men who are content and celebrate their heritage, not disparage it.

    Even though people ask if I have other races in me or that I could pass, I will always, Always, ALWAYS correct them and proclaim loudly that I am Black and Proud.

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    1. *applauds*

      Wonderful to see you back at the bar.

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    2. I'm not racially ambiguous but I cringe when I hear people ask people what they are mixed with. And I wonder, does your family have family reunions, b/c my family comes in every color under the sun, and I never thought it was that strange to see black people with straight hair or green eyes. And not just my family, I definitely grew up seeing all kinds of black people (which is something I always liked about the Cosby Show, b/c you really do have black families that are as diverse looking as that, esp. if there are a lot of kids) who looked all kinds of ways. And I'm from KY, which has one of the smallest black populations in the South.

      So I'm not sure what is up with people's Black-dar b/c I only had one person who fooled me and part of that was because I knew about his Jewish background and had already met his yarmulke wearing cousin who was in college with us too.

      I've definitely seen families that have much more distant European ancestry but still have a lot of blond or red hair, freckles, etc.

      I think we ALL need to spend more time in Genetics class and this stuff stops becoming a mystery, but people are pretty ignorant about the diversity on the African continent which lets them assume all of these things about what "black" really looks like.

      And I nearly cussed out a white chick who was actually trying to say that prognathism was a "black" feature and I pointed out that it was actually a common feature in inbred European royal families and she actually said that was "disgusting" but it was so common that it started being called the Hapsburg chin.

      But yeah, leave it to them to accuse us of jealousy and nastiness when you call them out, and wanting to associate all ugly black features with being really black but pretty black features with clearly having had the "privilege" of their ancestors raping yours.

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    3. It's good to be back :D

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  17. it's funny how people came to africa and took our stuff away, took our people and brought them where they wanted them, steal africa's resources and then claim we want to be THEM, when they're the ones always f-cking with us literally and figuratively...very funny.

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  18. I think the bottom line is Black women don't need to be jealous of other women we are beautiful the way we are. there is beauty in every race. I don't think there is anything wrong with the way white women, asian women or any race looks, but i am happy with the way I as a Black woman look and I don't NEED to be jealous of anyone because I am beautiful the way I am. I accept that every one has their preferences in beauty, but please get over the jealous thing already...not everyone wants to be white. it's fine for white people, but I'm black and i'm happy being black.

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  19. @Steph
    Hey i'm a capoeirista too!!! I'm a total addict. I spent 6 weeks in Brazil training a few years back. I went with my then swiss/english boyfriend who spoke much better portugese than me, yet everyone thought i was brazillian. and when I told them i was born and raised in london lots of people gave me a confused look and said: " there are black people in London?" Then tried to claim me as brazillian anyway cause of my capo skills!! I loooooove Brazil. Bahia, Salvador is off the chain and weirdly enough one of the outdoor markets reminded me strongly of Brixton in south london. Home is everywhere you look!

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    1. Omg awesome :) Capoeira is fucking amazing. I've been doing Capoeira for nearly six months and I'm up for my first cord. And I'm soooo jealous that you got to go to Brazil I want to go so bad. And it's awesome to meet another capoeirista. What was the hardest move for you to learn when you were just starting out?

      And hey it's awesome that they tried to claim you as one of their own. I hope that when I go there that they'll accept me just as much. I can hope

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  20. Couldn't this concept also be applied to white people? They're jealous of the melanin in our skin, so intent on that elusive quest for a tan that they risk skin cancer in the process. They envy our voluptuous lips, hips, and backsides, and I've lost track of the number of times I've heard, "I wish I had your hair." But despite all of those things--they don't actually want to stop being white. Wanting to look more "exotic" and brag about their 1/16th of obscure multicultural ancestry is where it begins and ends, but I'm not sure I've ever actually heard a white person, with the privilege they wield--say that they want to change that.

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  21. @ Steph! the hardest move I had to learn, took about 3 years to feel natural was the Queda De Rins, which literally means fall on your kidneys. I'm an Angolero and my group doesn't do cords. Sounds like you're a regionalista!!

    @ Rachel
    I cosign!! White folks generally want the lips and tan and bum and some want the apparent "coolness". But I'd bet not a single one of them would ever want to actually BE black. They know how hard it is, the want to pick and mix the stuff they think is god but without experiencing our actual struggle...

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    1. yea I definitely think my group is regionalista...though I'm not entirely sure. And uuuugh that move hurts I really can't do it still. And I have mad respect for people who do strictly angola ...ground game in capoeira is really hard.

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  22. "Everyone wants to be a nigger, but nobody wants to be a nigger"
    - Paul Mooney.

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  23. Clicheish as this may seem, I feel that if God wanted to me something else, he would have done it. I believe that were all made wonderfully no matter how many people may tell us other wise.

    I grew up on the late Farrah Fawcett-Cheryl Tiegs era. I grew up in a White community, so at least for a while, I didn't have a lot to go on far as Black female representatives,but all of that would eventually change. Beverly Johnson, Pam Grier, Jayne Kennedy , Judy Pace, Iman..all of these Black women started to come out. When I first learned about them, I didn't come out saying something was wrong with their colors or showed bias toward it, I was in total awe about it. I mean, the various colors . They were all gorgeous. I just remembered liking all of that diversity with those skin colors.

    That is one of a couple of reasons that I love being Black. I laugh when people say that were ugly. It's like they're saying that Black people look alike when we don't. We come in different hues, from the lightest to the darkest, we can look like any race of people including our own. We also have different hair types from the coarsest to the straightest. I have coarse hair,but I know that I can wear my hear in any form: Straight, natural or braided. Sometimes, I like doing these things to my hair , again because I enjoy doing it. I also love the concept of what beauty means us. It means more than being the so called status quo. We love the skinny, the big boned and the big. Society only sees White , blond and skinny. While it is ok to be that, not everybody fits that mold and/or want to be like that.As I've mentioned a while back, I'm person who don't like everything to be alike.If our world had to look the same, I would totally be bored with it.I haven't never wanted to live in a world like that and I still don't want to be in that kind place.

    I also love being Black because of our strength and history. To the world we're obnoxious,but I see us as a people who will not back into the corner no matter what our adversaries may use against us. We are our own people no matter how many people put down our culture. I'm still proud that my ancestors and people of today for making me the Black woman that I'am today. It's a culture of freedomfighters and other great civil rights pioneers who continue to tell us to live on no matter what.

    I live my life trying not be conform to how other people say we should,but to be who I'am. People may dog us and our culture,but I love who I'am and wouldn't change it for the world.

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  24. Mello

    I've never really understood this personal pride thing about one's own ethnic group. I'm black, so what? I've accomlished nothing as a person. I know my origin/history as a Caribbean girl, but I don't really define myself as a black person. I'm just an individual who happens to be black and likes some Caribbean and Afro American stuff. I guess I'm weird.
    I don't feel that comfortable with white people, I don't envy them. I only have one white friend, I used to have black friends and now my best friend is from North Africa (ok, yeah not black).

    I'm Black and I'm under average, not really ugly but I feel ugly. I have my own issues, yes, low self-esteem, etc which has little to do with my blackness but has more to do with me as a person.
    I'm black and I can't relate to most of the things you all mentioned and were proud of. The only thing I'm glad I have is a decent butt, not too big, not too flat/small, and maybe slightly almond eyes. I wish I had a nice glowing skin, I envy those beautiful black girls who are darker than me. My melanin is not really my friend sadly.

    So yeah, I have a lot to work on as a person.

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  25. Mello

    I wanted to clarify something... I did have 2 white friends in the past which means I was comfortable with them, I just meant that I live in an area where there are less white people than people from different background, and yeah, it really depends on the individual before me, no matter his/her ethnicity/color. I've been isolated these last years so I meet even less white (or Asian) people, it kinda clouded my judgement on my previous post. Being introverted does me no good as well.

    Also, when I said "I don't really define myself as a black person" I meant that I'm me before being black. I'm an individual, though being black define me to an extent, it does not define my whole person at all. When I look at me in the mirror, I see a poor little thing, and yeah, she's black but it's not the main thing I see, it's her misery that I see first.

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  26. Through out my entire life, I've known one thing, whites are jealous of us. They spend millions of dollars annually to have traits that we are naturally born with. And risk skin cancer to have that bronze skin.

    The hatred from whites comes from a twisted, dark, secret place of shameful jealousy.

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