The Vampire Diaries

Katerina Graham as the witch
"Bonnie Bennett"
I've bitten the bullet, sat down for the past few days, and gotten caught up on the goddamn Vampire Diaries.  Oh...do I have a lot say about this one.  In fact, this is about to be a series of posts.

Before we begin, let me clarify a few things.  1) I hate the CW, 2) I hate the CW, 3) I hate the CW, 4) I actually grew up reading LJ Smith, whose books serve as a basis for this show.  For those who are not in the know, LJ Smith is basically the ancestor of Stephanie-fucking-Meyers.

I'm going to knock some of the core white people out first, so that when I begin to write about the women of color on this show, those of who you who are smart enough to avoid this show will know what I'm talking about it.

First, the Great White Fails

Paul Wesley as "Stefan Salvatore"
Bland.  Captain Bland.  King Bland.  Bland with a side of bland served in creamy white wine sauce and a cheeky chardonnay.  A poor man's Edward Cullen (and a very lazy man's Angel from Seasons 1 & 2), the vampire Stefan looks as though he's been Botoxing since he was 12.

Nina Dobrev as "Elena/Katherine"
Queen Bland.  Cookie Cutter Cutie who could've very well been played by, oh, any other white actress in Hollywhite.  Elena is the Bella Swan of the show, replete with the boring personality and sole purpose of needing protection.  For Buffy fans, she's Buffy, with all of the whining and none of the fight.

Next, the Ones Who Make It Work

Ian Somerhalder as "Damon Salvatore"
I don't know what the CW powers-that-be would've done if Somerhalder had refused to do the show.  He makes it work.  For Buffy fans, he's the equivalent of Spike.  He's dark, sarcastic, blunt, ruthless, and devious.  He makes it work.

Steven R. McQueen as
"Jeremy Gilbert"
Long before he started dating a Black woman on this show, I noticed this dude.  He's noticeable.  For one, McQueen is an actual actor; I suspect he may have an actual career ahead of him.  Secondly, his character Jeremy is very brave, and he has this logic and insight which all the older and supposedly more experienced people seem to be lacking for some reason.

Candice Accola as "Caroline
Forbes"
I've noticed a shit-on-the-blonde trend in these vamp shows and flicks.  In order to build up the brunette, resentful white female writers like to take a great big stankin' poo on the blonde.  Accola is a great actress, but her character gets no credit.  The menfolk aren't rushing and lining up to save her, because as an ass-kicking vampire, she usually saves her damn self.  Caroline is heroic and compassionate, and obviously not stupid, but all the other characters refuse to take her seriously, including her own mom.  For Buffy fans, she's like the Harmony Kendall of the show...but a lot smarter.

Michael Trevino as the
vampire-werewolf "Tyler"
All the men on this show must feel horrifically inferior when standing next to Michael Trevino.  Trevino is foine.  Trevino is sizzly.  Michael Trevino is the textbook definition of eye candy...so much that I don't care who he's playing or what his storyline is.

This is not to downplay his acting ability; he's a great actor who has instant chemistry with anyone - men, women, anyone.  I need to see him in the arms of a man at least one time before I die.

The Why-Are-They-Heres

Daniel Gillies as the vampire "Elijah"
I don't know if Gillies was bribed, blackmailed, or browbeaten into taking a role on the CW, but he should've reconsidered.  He does not belong in this bullshit; the man is way too classy and obviously too gifted to have flown all the way from New Zealand for this shit.

Sebastian Roche as the
vampire "Mikael"
Roche must have owed someone a blood debt to have gotten involved in this bullshit.  It's like seeing Ian McKellen or Patrick Stewart or Morgan Freeman on the goddamn CW - unnatural.  He is far too seasoned and polished for this show; it's just wrong to see him on it.

And now that we've gotten this intro out of the way, brace yourselves because the "POC of The Vampire Diaries" is coming up next.

Recommended

The Vampire Diaries, by Neo-Prodigy

Comments

  1. *closes eyes, slaps hands over ears & violently shakes head back and forth* I won't watch it...I won't do it...won't do it...no!

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    1. Hon, the first 2-3 eps are excruciating.

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  2. "A poor man's Edward Cullen"

    Okay now that was just mean. ;-)

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  3. Oh yes...I have been waiting for this !!!! For some unexplainable reason, I have been watching the whole serie (3 seasons now) and I've always told myself, Hum...what Ankhesen would think of this or that. My dream have FINALLY come true !!!!

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    1. I've been RESISTING. And when I'm done with this, I feel like I'm going to have to start on True Blood, which I'm dreadin' somethin' fierce.

      Delete
  4. Stop it Ankh! When you talk about the good acting on this show and hell the bad acting on this show you make me curious and I also hate the CW.

    What's with all the whiny white females these days? Whatever happened to the Dana Scullys, Sydney Bristows and Xenas? Are there any equivalents in television right now?

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    1. Whatever happened to the Dana Scullys, Sydney Bristows and Xenas?

      Boo...million-dollar question.

      Delete
    2. well they died away when Girls Gone Wild was became the norm on TV. I remember growing up watching Ripley, Pam Grier (my parents liked those movies don't ask)..hell there was more up standing females in Anime.

      Delete
  5. By the way, y'all...the soundtrack on this show....

    *wrings hands*

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  6. Awww, I'm sorry they ruined your books. I read the synopsis, poked the cast, and then tried to imagine you watching it. LoL.

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    1. The books were mildly entertaining when I was a teenager. As an adult, I cringe.

      Delete
  7. I hate this show. And Katarina Graham's face bothers me, it's like she has this permanent, bitchy smirk on her face. Also, still pissed off that fucking Bianca Lawson is her character's ancestor aka hand maiden aka slave to the main character's ancestor/reincarnation.

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    1. Yea, like this pic of her . . . what's up with her left eye? I don't know if it's the face angle or something but it looks smaller than the right one.

      She has better pictures. And yea, I hate this show but keep watching it so I have a reason to hate it. Most recent episode, my god . . . they can't have an episode unless it's completely about Elena.

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    2. If I remember correctly, Katarina was born with her facial features slightly out of alignment. Whatever the condition is called, it made her face asymmetrical. I wouldn't call it a disfigurement, but it's enough for people to notice.

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    3. Oh okay, thanks for letting me know. Under most conditions it wasn't very noticeable for me, but I've wondered about it for a while.

      But asymmetry and all Katarina is leagues ahead of Nina in beauty and talent.

      Delete
  8. @StrangeSista,

    The only one that comes to mind is Nikita.

    @Ankhesen,

    I'm actually surprised you took to Caroline. I expected you to tear her to shreds.

    Oh and any thoughts Katherine (naughty Elena)

    And True Blood......all I'm gonna say is make sure the alcohol is ready for the Tara scenes, YOU GONNA NEED IT!!!!!!!!

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    1. Caroline's characterization is problematic in some areas, but she's heroic. She's a fighter, not a whiner, and on a show like this it's sooooooooooo refreshing.

      If it were up to me, the show would center on Bonnie, with Caroline as her bottom bitch *nods*. I'd lose Matt, the Salvatore Brothers, and Alaric while I was at it.

      I prefer Katherine to Elena. She fights, and she doesn't whine.

      Delete
  9. This post makes me want to go on a Vampire Diaries marathon. I never cared much for the show. Now, I want to see the fail for myself.

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  10. Ha! King and Queen Bland. Those two are the ones that I've seen on the promos for the show here in the UK and...yeah, I just got that vibe to stay away.

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  11. You should read Fangs For the Fantasy analysis of this series. this rant contains spoilers

    The way they make no sense is beyond me and the treatment of race is just dreadful. Black people either serve white people or they are killed in for not doing that or are food (usually for Caroline) They called Bianca Lawson's character Bonnie's ancestor "Kathrine's handmaiden" um no she was Kathrine's house slave. All the witches so far have been Black until it came time to show the 1st witch (I though they would do like Buffy and have the 1st witch be African but no she was white) and Vikings journey to Virginia? Canada yes I would believe but Virginia?

    Also Bonnie has no family and does everything for everyone but like all Black women in fandom she gets hated on for no reason.

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    1. I though they would do like Buffy and have the 1st witch be African but no she was white

      She is African, remember? Supposedly Ayanna is the oldest and most powerful witch ever introduced on TVD.

      Esther is the "Original" Witch in that she's part of the "Original Family" (of vampires, that is).

      Dear God...I'm turning.

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  12. Don't do it, Ankh! Don't give in! YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SEE!

    *begs* Please! Leave TB alone...save yourself!

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    1. If Netflix doesn't stream it soon...sure. I'll abstain. Easily.

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  13. LOL this is going to be good! *buckles seatbelt*

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  14. "Patrick Stewart......on the goddamn CW"

    Funny you mention that because Star Trek TNG was on CW predecessor network.

    "And now that we've gotten this intro out of the way, brace yourselves because the "POC of The Vampire Diaries" is coming up next."

    I'm guessing it's going to be a short list and knowing CW it will be fulled with actors acting in stereotypes.

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    1. It will mostly be a list of the dead. There are more dead Negroes on that show than living ones. Yea, I'd say most POC on the show either disappear or end up dead. And for the record, Trevino is a white Mexican but he plays a white character with no hint of "other" . . . other than that weak mentioning of native werewolves/skin walkers in the Virginia Vikings saga. But read his wiki page and you'll find out his father was born in Mexico.

      Delete
    2. "And for the record, Trevino is a white Mexican but he plays a white character with no hint of "other" . . . other than that weak mentioning of native werewolves/skin walkers in the Virginia Vikings saga. But read his wiki page and you'll find out his father was born in Mexico."

      i call that the Sheen Syndrome. Martin and Charlie Sheen are Cuban not white. So when a White Hispanic Celebrity passes himself as white even to go as far as changing thier name. Then that person suffers from Sheen Syndrome.

      But again you guys are making me do my homework

      Delete
  15. Oh, yes...Michael Trevino is Latino, and though he doesn't portray "Other" on TV, "Other" is written all over him. It's his "Other" which immediately caught my eye and drew me in.

    "Otherness" has a tendency to do that.

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    1. Haha I know. "Other" recognizes "other."

      Delete
  16. So many questions with this show but I never venture into fandom that hate Black women

    If you are Black and want to stay alive on that show you either in the background or a witch that does everything your vampire master says if not you get killed or eaten by Caroline. So far only one witch got away but she is probably dead by now.

    I also did understand what was going on with Pearl (Kelly Hu) and her daughter. Yes they are Asian but are they passing as white? Because they were very well mingled with those rich slave owning founding families.

    And Kathrine dirt poor girl from Bulgaria travelling all the way to England and being able to blend in with upper class English society. Then travelling all the way back to Bulgaria to England in one night on a horse?

    Someone hasn't looked at a map coz, crossing the English channel then trekking through western Europe with all the language difficulties and remember she is a poor girl from a poor family in a poor village learning new languages is really hard.

    So I guess that horse was a unicorn then. And the viking episode again they couldn't get one Native American actor, there are many Ankh has a list. Jay Tavare make a small cameo with his fine self

    And these kids are never in school unless it's to worship the founding families. I always wondered how Bonnie must have felt during all of this especially with Blandy Mcboring gushing about how great it would have been to live in those days. If they had Black writers, shit if they had me I would have Bonnie say.
    "Bitch, stop with that kind of talk. Your look-a-like ancestor owned my ancestor. Not a damn hand maiden a fucking house slave! It wouldn't be so cool to live back then...bitch"

    ReplyDelete
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    1. So I guess that horse was a unicorn then. And the viking episode again they couldn't get one Native American actor

      I know!!!! WTF was up with that????

      And these kids are never in school unless it's to worship the founding families.

      I KNOW!!! The Founders just can't seem to get over themselves. It's like every other episode focuses on them in some way.

      And WTF is up with the serious Gone with the Wind fetish on this show????

      Delete
  17. Ankhesen,

    I could have written these descriptions myself. I even emailed the producers last year and suggested that they consult with Joss Whedon, but they must have ignored me because their ratings continue to slip.

    Just discovered your blog. I'll be sticking around.

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    1. Just remember to create a name.

      And yes...all these vamp shows need desperate help from Joss Whedon. His were the only vampire shows I ever took seriously.

      Delete
  18. Yeah...I stopped watching the show when Bonnie sacrificed herself at the school dance that one episode...I can't remember all the way b/c I think I blocked the foolishness from my memory, but I think in that episode Elijah was coming for Elena and Bonnie started chanting and the nose was bleeding and her face was lookin all crazy and then after ALL THAT (she died btw) all the men cared about was Elena! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Bonnie's boyfriend was the only one who went back for her or something. And she KEPT sacrificing herself in various ways after that. After that, I watched the show less and less frequently until I stopped watching all together. I missed last season completely! Everytime I see Bonnie I'm just like "WHY Blackwoman, WHY!? Who does that? I mean REALLY!"

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    1. Yes...the incessant POC self-sacrifice quickly wears thin.

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  19. Also, I know she was a oneshot but I think Lexie should be added to the whites who make it work. How a badass like her wasn't a regular on the show is a crime in itself.

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    1. She was too pretty. Outshone Elena.

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