Fauxgyptian Hall of Shame

I'm going to keep this brief.
1) The Ancient Egyptians were Black Africans...not white, not Arab, nor any other random, conveniently ambiguous shade of (really) light brown.
2) Whenever non-Black women portray Ancient Egyptian women, they often look ridiculous, because the clearly African style doesn't suit them the way it does us.
3) In keeping with the vow to be more vocal, I've decided to start the Fauxgyptian Hall of Shame. This is not a spectator sport. Send me links and names of Fauxgyptians who make your corneas itch, and I'll add them to the page.
For the record, these are Ancient Egyptians done right:



(Thanks, Anna Renee!)

And these...are hideously wrong:

Stacy Haiduk as a mystical urn guardian in some
God awful episode of Charmed.
After another white actress "replaced" Gina Torres's
Cleopatra, Lucy Lawless's treacherous ass took
over the role on Xena.
Mili Avital in Stargate.
Rachel Weisz in The Mummy Returns.
Patricia Velasquez in The Mummy &
The Mummy Returns.
Kim Kardashian looking really stupid as
Cleopatra in Harper's Bazaar (2011).
Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra (1963)
Angelina Jolie, Cleopatra-to-be
Lyndsey Marshal as Cleopatra in Rome.
Leonor Varela as Cleopatra (1999)
Yul Brynner & Anne Baxter as Ramses
 and Nefretiri in The Ten Commandments.
(the rest of the trifling cast is implied)

Nia Peeples as Nefertiri in Highlander.
Peggy Ashcroft LOOKING RIDICULOUS as
Cleopatra (Antony & Cleopatra, 1953).
Really, Vivien Leigh? Seriously?
(Caesar & Cleopatra, 1945)

Comments

  1. I am almost at a point where I am like let them have "Egypt" Kemet no "Eygpt" yes. If they want it so damn much they can take it. I mean they obviously have some fucked up self-esteem issues that they need to work on.

    Because if you really want to believe that Braid extension wearing mummy of a Queen was anything other than Black you real fucked up. I mean who wears braid extensions since forever? Black people that's who. http://fyeahblackhistory.tumblr.com/post/12227768434/apademak-queen-ahmose-nefertari-still-got-her

    Anywhoo I think you'll be interested in this YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/dogons2k12

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  2. I'm adding chick from the HBO series Rome to the list.

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  3. I loved "Remember the Time." Iman looked absolutely fantastic!!! The rest of those women look a hot fire mess.

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  4. I think it goes without saying that Elizabeth Taylor, the most famous portrayer of an African Queen on film is by far the most irritating, at least to me. As is each and every one of those damned history channel, discovery channel, and Nat'l geographic documentaries done WRONG in their portrayal about Egyptians whose actors/actresses like you said are ambiguous shades of brown to white and sometimes with British accents (wtf?)..*shudders* ugh! just irritating.

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  5. I know I'm supposed to be mad about Fauxgyptians right now, but having watched that video I'm just feeling the Michael Jackson love. Whatever his personal relationship with his blackness and whatever else he was or was not doing; he worked with black performers in a dignified manner, and many, many of the charities he worked with were primarily for black people. I miss him. :(

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  6. Can't forget Angelina Jolie: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/angelina-jolie-my-cleopatra-performance-193314

    Then there's Kim Kardashian: http://socialitelife.com/kim-kardashian-as-cleopatra-for-harpers-bazaar-chats-with-liz-taylor-photos-02-2011


    It's also interesting how Hollywood keeps making some form of a Cleopatra character, who's race always seems to be up for debate, but we hardly see (if any at all) movies that feature Nefertiti, who is clearly a black woman.

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  7. Would it be off-topic to point out the hypocrisy/mayhem that ensues if a black actress is given a role that they don't consider to be a "black" role? It doesn't happen often but you know it makes them FURIOUS. If race isn't specified, then it better be something "stereotypically" black.

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  8. I've seen A LOT of these weird white-folks-with-african-braids-wigs on my TV screen, but the only one which comes to my mind right now is that chick from the godawful Highlander series.

    http://highlander.wikia.com/wiki/Nefertiri

    There is something pathetic and desperate in the whole "everything but black" portrayal of the ancient Egyptians in TV series and movies.

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  9. @ Neo-Prodigy

    Name? Link?

    It's also interesting how Hollywood keeps making some form of a Cleopatra character, who's race always seems to be up for debate, but we hardly see (if any at all) movies that feature Nefertiti, who is clearly a black woman.

    Mm-hm....

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  10. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384766/fullcredits#cast

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1203457/

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  11. @ Amaya

    I loved "Remember the Time." Iman looked absolutely fantastic!!! The rest of those women look a hot fire mess.

    The ones with straight wigs do.

    @ Nicthommi

    Would it be off-topic to point out the hypocrisy/mayhem that ensues if a black actress is given a role that they don't consider to be a "black" role?

    Not really.

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  12. I'm surprised that the movie The Ten Commandments hasn't made the list yet...

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  13. And since we're on the subject of ancient historical sisters getting whitewashed, can we PLEEZE remind mofos that Andromeda (Perseus's wife in Greek Mythology) was also black and was the PRINCESS OF ETHIOPIA!!!!!!!

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  14. @ Vivi & Neo

    Don't even get me started.

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  15. @ Aiyo

    I am almost at a point where I am like let them have "Egypt" Kemet no "Eygpt" yes. If they want it so damn much they can take it. I mean they obviously have some fucked up self-esteem issues that they need to work on.

    Right??!!???

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  16. It's not surprising considering white people's obsession to whiten everything including Jesus.

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  17. Peggy Ashcroft Caeser & Cleopatra (1932)

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_GHp2s2v3Mx4/TKDSpwBtvCI/AAAAAAAABlU/G1MMJ1ahAdg/s1600/Cleo.jpg
    Without a doubt this look is more convincing on Iman.

    Vivien Leigh Ceaser & Cleopatra (1945)

    http://image.toutlecine.com/photos/c/e/s/cesar-et-cleopatre-45-03-g.jpg
    Blue eyes and pale skin...really?

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  18. The way Aiyo feels about 'Egypt', is the way I feel about the media regarding Cleoparta. At this point, they can flipping have her and bleach her clear.

    The African continent is chuck full of Queens whose exploits have been under-reported, and whose ethnicities can't be counter-argued and/or dismissed by the mainstream, which is probably why movie makers cling to Cleopatra like a newborn at their mom's teat. I say we do more research into these women and give them some shine, even if it's only among ourselves. Cuz Lord knows HollyWTF isn't about to do that.

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  19. I would get irritated everytime they showed portrayals of people like Cleopatra because you know that most Egyptians aren't White. In a land that have always belonged to Africans, it's amazing how the critics portray Africa was a White man's land. There is no way that they can use, in this case, that there were no Black Egyptians.

    I'm glad that the historic DNA is out. A couple of years ago, it was tested on a few of the TODAY show members. I wonder how some of the NON-Black newscrew( it was Katie Couric, Matt Lauer, Ann Curry and a few others at the time. )felt when it was discovered that they all had some Black ancestry in them?Genealologists and scientists has even said that Adam and Eve may have been African descendants Heather Locklear boasted about her Black genes and Beethoven was part Black. It has also been said that most people in this world have Aboriginal or Black ancestry in them. None of this surprises me a bit. The only difference is whether people will accept or reject these results..which too often they will do the latter.

    The thing about history is when you're in a country like this one and many others you're deliberly not going to get an accurate depiction of it. At times, I would laugh at this because of it. It kind of reminded me of what a White Mormon woman who wanted my family and me to believe that Aztec Indians were blonde and blue eyed. We politely laughed at her and showed her the door.


    Movie execs try to Whiten things when it shouldn't be. My favorite X-mas movie was the Ten Commandments. The thing that bugs me most about this movie was that it was grossly inaccurate. Nimrod wasn't White, neither was Ruth, Zipporah and many others, yet there are viewers who will accept the status quo.I've seen another version of the TTC. In that case, movie accurately depicted the characters in the bible,but I noticed that they haven't shown that version again. Hmmm... I wonder why?( being sarcastic)

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  20. Brotha Wolf said...
    It's not surprising considering white people's obsession to whiten everything including Jesus.

    I so agree.
    Historical revisionism" is either the legitimate scholastic re-examination of existing knowledge about a historical event, or the illegitimate distortion of the historical record such that certain events appear in a more or less favourable light.”

    Whiten history period. The one thing you don’t seem to see a lot of on the history channel (nicknamed by many as The Hitler Channel) is us. You won’t see much on the civil rights struggle or anything concerning Indigenous Americans. But what you do see is a pathological fascination with Hitler. It would seem the further Hollywood goes back in time the whiter history gets. Course the same applies to the future as well. Whiten cavemen- whiten biblical figures (including Zipporah, the wife of Moses and the Queen of Sheba). Whiten the Middle East and the entire continent of Africa for that matter.

    The white mans’ mission (Orwellian in its craftiness) is to make it appear as if all life sprang from the loins of some unknown white ancestor. There are people in back rooms and others who preside over school boards revising every facet of history to maintain hegemony. You can’t turn to the History channel, the Military channel; National Geographic or the Learning channel without some white man/woman putting everything into perspective for you.

    Orwell writes: "He who controls the present, controls the past. He who controls the past, controls the future.”

    Whites in power have honed this practice to an art form.

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  21. Um, Cleopatra was brown.

    Granted, she was a Ptolemy, but her family mixed heavily with the Kemitic nobility in order to ensure their claim to their throne and to avoid being expelled from the country.

    The original Ptolemies were Greek, as in those curly haired brown folks from the sea.

    So...it's a lose-lose sitch for white folks trying to claim Cleo.

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  22. Looking at the pictures of the Hall of Shame… Wondering which wig looks the most ridiculous… Mhmmm… Lyndsey Marshal's or Stacy Haiduk's? I can't decide…

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  23. One of those moments where I decided to look up Andromeda on wikipedia. Listed as daughter of the Ethiopian king and queen. Image: A white woman with red hair. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andromeda_%28mythology%29

    ...Wait...what????! There is neither rhyme nor reason to this. I'm with Aiyo.

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  24. "So...it's a lose-lose sitch for white folks trying to claim Cleo."

    Won't stop them from trying (and denying), though. I spent last night and part of this morning trying to think of a single other non-European queen who has gotten as much attention from the film industry, and I'm drawing a blank. This one queen has their fascination like no other. Come to think of it, Queen Boudicca/Boadicea of the Iceni was a pretty bad-ass European queen; you'd think there'd be more silver-screen films about her from Hollywood (on par with the films on Elizabeth I and II), but no. Another feel-good film about Cleopatra, coming right up!

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  25. Looking at the pictures of the Hall of Shame… Wondering which wig looks the most ridiculous… Mhmmm… Lyndsey Marshal's or Stacy Haiduk's? I can't decide…

    Even more ridiculous is how fabulous they think they look.

    The pic which really get me is Angelina Jolie's. Cleo is sooooooooo obviously brown while Jolie is sooooooooo white.

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  26. Re: Jolie - Maybe they'll spray-tan her "A Might Heart"-style.

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  27. OH! I remember the time! YES! We would wait in anticipation for everything Michael did in this time period, and REMEMBER THE TIME was just FABULOUS!
    Isn't it something how Iman looks exactly the same today? Hmmm... black dont crack, trite phrase but true!
    I actually got goose bumps thinking about how fabulous this depiction of Egyptians was...truthful, beautiful, BLACK!

    I have a response video to your Fauxgyptian Hall of Shame, done by Richard Pryor. Check it out!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCUzQZD-bfg&feature=player_embedded

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  28. Here's a better link I hope. Richard Pryor's off topic but not really.
    Truth about Egypt they trying to hide

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  29. @ Anna Renee

    Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you - that was the best vid ever!!!!

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  30. @ Anna Renee - Pretty much! Case in point: http://knowledgeequalsblackpower.tumblr.com/post/13749871005/uniquecauseihavetobe-deejaybird-to-destroy

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  31. Nice link Anna! Now one of my favorites. lol

    I'm sooo glad the it's becoming more generally known that Cleopatra and many historical others are black or are part black. BUT.... we still have a steep hill to climb to TRULY make these facts common knowledge among the masses since they're clinging onto each and every morsel of white-washed propaganda for dear life. Their white supremacy hangs on this.

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  32. Lawd, Paul Mooney! *dead*

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  33. That Richard Pryor clip is inspired genius! I laughed like a loon.

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  34. @Ank, Sister I thought you'd like that one.

    @Leoprincess - This video made me rethink Richard Pryor.
    Your link shows the complete madness and desparation that these people have. I dont know how to call it. Its beyond demonic.

    @ToddRodd, yes we must keep climbing and digging, though. As I dig, I keep finding pure gold! The Spirit is working with me, thats for sure!

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  35. Radio show from the BBC they Halle but I say Gina Torres
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDyilFGNm_Y

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  36. @ Anna Renee - I swear, some folks are really, really in-flipping-secure about their place in this world. People who are confident in their history and in their past have no need to do such a thing.

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  37. ^Sorry, that should have read their own family's past.

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  38. Iman know she look exactly like Nefertiti

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  39. Iman know she look exactly like Nefertiti

    Mm-hm!!! She just knew she was meant to play the role.

    That shit went without saying.

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  40. Hello everyone! First-time poster here.

    I know this is about the whitening of Egyptian queens and others of the past in Hollyweird movies, but here is a small ray of hope. Halle Berry played Nikhaule/Queen Sheba in the made for Showtime movie "Solomon & Sheba". I know Sheba wasn't Egyptian, per se, but other queens of color had been whitewashed as well. Gina Lollobrigida played Sheba in the Cecille B. Demille version. And let's not forget the "black and brown animation" from the movie "The Prine of Egypt"

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  41. Spelling correction: The Prince of Egypt.

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  42. Hey Mickey. Welcome to the Bar. Have a Mojito on me.

    You mean The Prince of Egypt where Moses got lighter as the movie went on? That Prince of Egypt?

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  43. @ Amaya,

    Taht's the one. It's funny that you mentioned the lightening of his skin because I did not even notice it and I am generally aware of such things. At least his wife remained dark-skinned.

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  44. i know this vampires and all, but aaliyah played an egyptian queen.. and i thought she looked quite PERFECT as an egyptian..even thought the white peoples plotted to kill her (-_-)

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    Replies
    1. Don't forget in the books she was reportedly "without color." Aaliyah's casting did not go over well at all with Anne Rice fans.

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  45. That was A Bad Bitch!! Indeed.lol

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  46. Mie said:Don't forget in the books she was reportedly "without color." Aaliyah's casting did not go over well at all with Anne Rice fans.

    Jensen said: why? cuz to me she killed it, she was the reason i even like the movie.so what was miss ann Issuse! with having some ''color'' in the film.

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    1. That's funny that they did not like the casting of Aaliyah in the second installment of the Vampire Chronicles because Anne Rice said herself that she wanted a Black actress to play the character. These mofos have got to realize that they are not going to always get their way.

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