Black Women, Let's Be Honest II

Previously....

Black Women, Let's Be Honest
Toning Down the Desperation

I'll start.  Tyrese's little video was more amusing than annoying, to be truthful.  The guy who's been divorced and has beaten on at least one woman obviously needs to keep his trap shut and his head down when it comes to relationship talk.

I think all the bar patrons in attendance tonight can agree on that.

I'm not even annoyed when men of any color step in to agree with the likes of Tyrese; I expect that.  They want women to remain thirsty, helpless, insecure ring-chasers.  They may talk shit about that kind of woman, cheat on her, and beat her, but they don't actually want her to change, and sure as hell don't want her to go anywhere.

So the men honestly don't piss me off on this anymore...but certain Black women are seriously starting to.

This isn't the first time we've had this conversation, but apparently the memo wasn't clear enough.

If you are a desperate, lonely, thirsty Black woman, always use the pronoun "I" when talking about your problems...not "we".

These are the people who damage us the most.  They're the ones stalking celebrities on their Facebook pages, crying to bored white audiences in forums, going on talk shows and saying that their misery is "our" misery, but that they're the only ones brave enough to come out and say it.  And they're the only ones who get quoted and oh-so-conveniently awarded all the credibility.

I'll be blunt: these women make me sick to my stomach, and I have no sympathy for any of them.  I would if they'd individually own up to their own personal dysfunction, admit they had problems, and were seeking help for their own issues.  But for them to try to speak for the rest of us, to group us into one giant self-hating, unhappy, angry monolith - to me - is a declaration of civil war.

And no, I'm not overreacting because they are hurting us when they pull this shit.

My message to such women is simple:  Fuck you.  Grow a pair of ovaries and get over yourselves already.  And stop playing the Voice of God; I despise people who try to back up their opinions by saying some blasphemous shit like, "Well, I believe God intended for blah blah blah."  Ironically, it's the pagans who say it best: "Nothing can happen that isn't the will of God".  If God really intended for (only) men and women of the same race to be together, then homosexuals, transpeople, asexuals, and interracial couples simply wouldn't exist.  Like...at all.

And yet they do.  What's that say about God's intentions, huh?

But back to the main subject: Fuck you.  Put down the fried foods and chocolates and go for a walk.  Shut off the daytime TV show.  Opt out of the Lifetime channel.  Burn the romance novels; you're obviously not ready to handle them.  Go see a fucking therapist.  Take a workshop; learn some social skills. Get off the fucking internet and deal with the real world.  And the next time someone asks you out - male or female - give it a whirl and don't bitch about insignificant shit like the color of their socks or the fact English is their second or third language.

And learn to say "I".  Psych 101, kids: admission of a (personal) problem is the first step.  Don't say Black women are lonely, insecure, self-hating, and angry; say "I".  Don't say it's hard for Black women to get a date; say "I".  Don't say all Black women long for a Black man and thus are hurt they're dating non-Black women; bitch, say "I".

Stop speaking for me.  Stop speaking for every proud, happily Black woman who's ever commented here or honored this bar with a guest post.  Some of us are single and happy.  Some of us are with women and happy.  Some of us are with white, Asian, Latino, or indigenous men...and happy. Hell, some of us are even dark and twisty, perversely content in our misery (probably a fetish or philosophy thing).

So fuck...you.  Go find your happy and shut the fuck up until you do.

Comments

  1. Ank, Will you marry me? This needs to be printed out and passed out to all black women. Reminds me of that stupid woman on Dr. Drew who was apologizing to a black man she didn't know for crimes she didn't commit. Im so done with these one-dimensional and insular women who insist on lumping us all in the same group. Travel, pick up a hobby, flirt with random dudes. IT WONT KILL YOU!

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  2. If this were a rock concert, this where I'd be standing and holding a lighter high in awe. Or throwing my bra at you.

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  3. *this IS where, my apologies.

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  4. The truest words I've ever read:
    "Hell, some of us are dark and twisty, and perversely content in our misery. So fuck...you."

    The 2nd truest words I've ever read:
    "Don't say all Black women long for a Black man and thus are hurt they're dating non-Black women; bitch, say "I"."

    These women bore the heck out of me. Toddlers are better critical thinkers than these women.

    Don't get too much education, don't earn too much, don't be too independent, but don't expect too much, don't think too much, don't speak too much, stop dating thugs, wait on your black prince--no PRAY for your black prince, but in the meantime marry black & down or you're a golddigger, raise your kids alone while you work 2-3 jobs to pay the rent, but you're an evil feminist if you dare take a man to court to meet his parental responsibilities. You're too fat, too skinny, too picky, too thirsty, too snooty, too angry, too controlling, too frigid, a ho.

    No wonder I see so many black women walking on their asses & eating with their feet. They've turned themselves into pretzels trying to meet, not just impossible standards, but feckin irrational standards of human behavior.

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  5. Or throwing my bra at you.

    *dead*

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  6. "If you are a desperate, lonely, thirsty Black woman, always use the pronoun "I" when talking about your problems...not "we"."

    Let the church say, amen. Not a word else need be said!

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  7. Can I tell you how much I hated the video that was circulating a few months back (I think it was a teaser for a longer documentary) about dark skinned women?
    Ugh, that thing got so much play and I had to read SO many women who were all too happy to act like all dark-skinned women grew up getting insulted, called ugly by their families, and hating their skin. Don't get me wrong, colorism is real, and not just for black people, but we don't all have the SAME experience or grow up in families that believe the same things. It makes a difference.
    Well, this dark-skinned girl has never wanted anyone else's skin but my own (and it is pretty damn nice) and I wish that they would add qualifiers when they talk about the complexes that some people have about their skin and hair.
    B/c then they do it in public, and you have some white person who then thinks it is their job to comfort you and tell you that you aren't so ugly after all, and wow, your hair is so much NICER when it's natural, and I'm like, mind your own business, I don't need a pep talk to know that I look better than you.

    It's like, whatever craziness is circulated about how some women hate themselves is what I feel that white people, esp. white women, adopt as they "rule" about how ALL black women feel. Of course, they always adopt the thing that leaves them as the epitome of pulchritude. I'm seriously going to call out the next person who tries to do that...what am I supposed to be envying about women who have crows feet at 28, age spots by 35, and who then spend the rest of their days injecting their faces with toxins and plastics or peeling it off with acid? I mean, shouldn't I be walking up to the women who have had face lifts by 35 and say, wow, I'm sorry all of you ladies hate your badly aging skin so much.
    So yeah, if you want to complain about hating your dark skin and getting made fun of, please say "I" for that and not "we."

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  8. They may talk shit about that kind of woman, cheat on her, and beat her, but they don't actually want her to change, and sure as hell don't want her to go anywhere.

    This has annoyed me for the longest time. All women would do well to heed it.

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  9. "And learn to say "I". Psych 101, kids: admission of a (personal) problem is the first step. Don't say Black women are lonely, insecure, self-hating, and angry; say "I". Don't say it's hard for Black women to get a date; say "I". Don't say all Black women long for a Black man and thus are hurt they're dating non-Black women; bitch, say "I"."

    -passes the collection plate-

    Do you know how long I've waited for someone to finally say that?

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  10. Thank you!!!

    With the number of desperate black women I have personally met, I was starting to think that I should have my "Black Woman Membership" card revoked. No one seemed to understand why I had absolutely no interest in reading Steve Harvey and his ilk.

    Where are all the articles and books instructing black men (well, men period) how to treat US? Why address only half of the so-called problem? I knew I wasn't the only black woman to feel this way, but it was sure startin to feel like it.

    It's infuriating. C'mon, ladies. Where's your pride? Where's your self-respect?

    Great post, Ankh!

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  11. "Put down the fried foods and chocolates and go for a walk."

    Irony, it's a beautiful thing.

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  12. That last paragraph is gold...no, platinum.

    And this: So fuck...you. Go find your happy and shut the fuck up until you do.

    The individual that inspired this particular post doesn't have a clue as to what her happy is...so finding it? Not likely to happen. She will just continue to project her anger and hate onto the world and wonder why the rest of us don't want to be bothered with her trifling ass. She is jealous of those who have found their happy and are rocking it like 10-inch 'fros and fly-ass platforms and is quick to try and stamp it out because she hasn't a clue what it means to know herself and love herself regardless.

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  13. @ Amaya

    She didn't actually inspire it; this is just the continuation of an old conversation on this blog. She was merely the last straw which broke the pygmy's back.

    These bitches want a war - it is on. The sympathy games have ended. We're always telling white folks they need to clean their house; when it comes to women like these, we need to do the same.

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  14. *applause*

    I'm curious what woman are ya'll talkin' about?

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  15. @ Strange Sista

    Nobody from the bar.

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  16. It sucks when the lowest common denominator tries to act like they represent the whole group! Great post.

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  17. Ank, thank you for saying it so artfully and poetically.

    "So fuck...you. Go find your happy and shut the fuck up until you do."

    This is the poetry I've been missing. Straight, no chaser. Tasty!

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  18. *blog announcement*

    The link at the top went to the wrong post. It's corrected now.

    It sucks when the lowest common denominator tries to act like they represent the whole group!

    Indeed. These women often lead to already despicable memes and drone-speak on the web. You want to know where men came up with the mythical hordes of angry, desperate, hungry (in more ways than one) Black women? Thank these women. They are by no means a horde or a real army; they are not the majority. For every "I agree with people like Tyrese" comments there's usually 25 or so to contradict. But they are highly visible. The crazy ones usually are. The squeaky wheel, after all, gets the oil.

    If you're a sane Black woman living your life and doing what you want, (and being healthy) the media is not interested in you. But if you're a Black woman and self-destructive in some way, you're the guest of honor on national television, with plenty of eager journalists flocking all around you.

    It puts me in the mind of a film I was watching from the 1930s about King Henry VIII. The opening prologue is a statement about how Queen Katherine of Aragon was his first wife, but her story was of no consequence in the movie. "She was a respectable woman...so Henry divorced her."

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  19. These bitches want a war - it is on.

    *straps up* You know you can count on me for a battle or two. I was doing fine until that shit happened and I had to unload. Usually, I'm immune to when people dump on BW because it happens so often, but yesterday was not the day for me to pretend otherwise. I'm sick to death of being lumped in with a misconception, and I'm tired of motherfuckers ignoring the real problems and blaming us for their shortcomings. They want a war? Then count me in.

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  20. That was powerful! Brava! My only issue with this is not knowing what Tyrese did to piss you off - I'm not into the nonsense celebs do when they ain't doing their jobs. Your words chilled me... and I'm not a woman but, still, your message is clear: Own yourself and stop hiding behind the rest of us and making us all look bad.

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  21. This post is powerful. I too really wish that women like this would speak for themselves and not all of us. Because they really do effect the lives of those who are happy, healthy and living life to the fullest, be they single, or in a relationship. Im all for live and let live, but when what you start doing or saying in the public eye begins to effect those around you of the same race, gender or ethnicity;then you need to either sit your a** down or someone needs to make you sit down.

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  22. this this this this and THIS! And its not always other black women making these claims..To these broads it's like: "Ay yo Dear Prudence, Open up your eyes and see the brand new day." get comfortable with yours..same applies to these close minded heffas who beef with the more open ones about the dynamics of relationships such as choosing to be in an open relationship..they're the same as those who so vehemently disapprove of interracial and same sex relationships and find the biggest microphone out there to spout about it...again..you're kept it 100% and said the truth: its about changing YOUR behavior..not anyone elses. these women need to stop projecting and get comfortable with theirs.

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