Contemplating "That's Just...Sad"

You've probably noticed that whenever you call out a drone/drapto for saying something racist, they often resort to lines like, "So you're saying we can't be friends/go out (or you don't trust/like me) because of what I said?  That's just...sad."

Whenever they do this in person, they often soften their voices and avert their gazes in order to appear genuinely hurt.  If they're female, they're very likely to bring on the water works.

But here's what I hear whenever someone says that to Moi: "Yes, I'm racist, but I don't want to be called out on it.  And I still want you to be my friend/booty call.  After all, being called a racist is really hurtful and offensive, and the fact that you would even say something like that to me is just...sad."


Um...No...We Can't Be Friends


  1. This goes back to the racist white mindset that being called a racist is somehow more offensive than the racist act itself.

  2. Oh yes, whenever I hear "that's just sad" it just makes me feel violent. But then again I'm easily enraged because WWT make me angry too.

    BTW like the new look. Would you like me to make a banner for you? I don't want to brag but I'm kinda awesome at the photoshop.

  3. Thanks for the offer, Pepp. I'm still in the experimental stage, but alcohol-related backgrounds will most definitely have a future at the bar.

    RE: Oh yes, whenever I hear "that's just sad" it just makes me feel violent. But then again I'm easily enraged because WWT make me angry too.

    Exactly. The goal is to deflect guilt and appear like the rational, bigger person, but all it does is piss POC off.

  4. Ankh,

    You remember when I mentioned on my blog about a white girl who was offended about what I said about white people even though it's true, and she never spoke to me again?

    Well, in retrospect she didn't want to face the fact that her people have a serious problem when it comes to people of darker hues.

    Whites want to do EVERYTHING they can to deflect even a slither of guilt away from themselves and their color. If you have a white friend who did or said something racist, you called them out on it, and now they get upset enough to risk your friendship, all it means is that you were never really friends to start with. You were friends as long as you kept your mouth shut while the white friend got away with some racist bullshit. Those kinds of whites only want you to be their "proof" that racism is no big deal.

  5. You were friends as long as you kept your mouth shut while the white friend got away with some racist bullshit. Those kinds of whites only want you to be their "proof" that racism is no big deal.

    Ding ding ding!!!!

  6. Damn wolf that is the truth. It's like they can offend and piss off whoever they like and never have to take responsibility for it. It's like some fantasy land where there are no consequences for their actions. Just thinking about it leaves me feeling bewildered that this ish actually happens.

    Anhk: Drop me an email if you ever need or want some photoshoppery. I like your blog a lot and I'd like to give back cause sometimes I come here after a bad day and feel better.

  7. I read this article on Aversive Racism and one thing it really made clear in my mind is that a major part of white privileged is always being given the benefit of the doubt. This benefit is given to them universally by other white people as well as by many POC (Uncle Toms).

    This works both in social interactions and institutionally. In the media whenever a white person commits a heinous crime they say: he was mentally ill, she was abused as a child, they were on drugs. Basically every excuse in the world why this white person should be given the minimal sentence. They did a study in Cleveland, Ohio of drug offenses: white people got sent to rehab, black people got felonies and prison time. Same crime.

    Socially, both online and in person it works like this. White person does something blatantly and obviously racist. White people and a few POC will immediately jump to their defense: they didn't mean what they said, they are ignorant you need to educate them, they are just copying what they saw in rap videos, all stereotypes are based on truth, you are being to PC and of course the biggie "you are overreacting or oversensitive or pulling the race card".

    It is deeply upsetting for white people not to be given the benefit of the doubt, they demand this privilege.

    Professionally I've been in situations where older white women I work with have randomly gone off on me. While everyone agrees that it was inappropriate and unprovoked they always make excuses for the behavior. She was having a bad day, health issues, divorce. Basically no one cares that my day was ruined. I'm expected to be their personally punching bag anytime a white woman is having issues.

  8. Perla Buttons9/16/11, 5:16 AM

    @modest-goddess: "It is deeply upsetting for white people not to be given the benefit of the doubt, they demand this privilege".

    Damn, this reminds me so much of my non-POC ex-boyfriend and his "I'm nor racist, but..." family. They'd say something 100%, no-doubt-about-it racist, and then - when I called them on their shit - they'd freak the fuck out or backpedal and try and hide their original words and intent.

    I would then (if I was to continue to be in their good books as the nice little brown girl),* be tasked with soothing their fee-fees and saving them from the fact that what they said was racist. They had expressed racist sentiments. They were racist.

    I was essentially tasked with saving them from themselves.

    *Yeah, I know, I know. I have learned from it and will vet the hell out of future dates. Never again!

  9. What kills me is how they will try to "gaslight" you and make you feel as though you are the one with the problem. Because of course, as a person of color I am basically just Boo-Boo the Fool and need a white person to explain to me what is really racist (so if I'm not on fire or being chased by a guy with a hood and a rope, then it's not racist).
    No, that's not racist b/c a)I didn't know that was offensive b)It really can mean this so you should assume that it was meant in the inoffensive but often ridiculously unbelievable way c)you are just so sensitive d)why do you people have to make everything about race e)I am colorblind so I could not be racist.
    So you have to love how often now videos of white kids in blackface, or imitating Asians, or whatever will pop up, and HOARDS of white people will say, oh no, that wasn't racist. They don't have the same history as us so it's not racist for them to parade around in blackface.
    Or right now, there is the model who did yellowface in a photoshoot that is simultaneously defended as making her look "Slavic", making her look "Vulcan" making her look young, making her eyebrows even, or just simply, what, I don't see it and she says she wasn't aware so stop accusing her of racism. Never mind that 95% of her work does not look like this. (She has other examples of yellow face that appear in otherwise ethnic looking photo-shoots that is apparently just a coincidence and we are just racism conspiracy theorists who see racism everywhere).

  10. Oh forgot to add how the POC that they have had sex with is frequently paraded around as a reason why you are just pathetic for accusing them of being racist...

  11. This reminds me of what is happening with Miss Angola and hatin arse ho bitter bitch Miss France. Miss France is butt hurt that Miss Angola won saying she did not deserve it giving shitty excuses like "I didn't know her very well, she never made an effort to be friends with me. She sat around wearing jeans and had on very little makeup. The fact that the pageant was held in Brazil played a factor"

    Bitch who is you? You're no one so why would she want to know you and 2 maybe homegirl does not need make up. And Yeah Brazil is a most POC country however the last time they had a Black Miss Brazil was many moons ago they usually go for White Giselles or light skinned meztizo Adrianna Limas.

    That chick could not handle it that a beautiful Black African woman won against her lilly white self.

  12. @ Aiyo

    I just went and read up about that.

    Miss France needs to STFU. This is so typical. "The only way a WoC could win is either other POC identify with her or, non-POC feel sorry."


    Talk about playing the race card. For pygmy's sake, be a gracious loser. When a contestant gets crowned, the whole world watches to see how the others react. Now is not the best time to shoot off at the mouth.

    And no...I don't see how the pageant's being set in Brazil was a factor. Besides, WTF is she trying to say? "If we'd held the pageant in a predominantly non-POC country, no WoC would've won"?

  13. I love the it's so sad excuse. Anything to get off the hook. Racist whites are always pointing out the so called "pathology" of Black people, that they never stop to examine their own. In an abusive relationship, the victim isn't the only one affected.

    As for Ms. France, she can kick rocks. The basis of her racist argument is since Angola was the country from which Portugal sold the majority of slaves to Brazil, then as an Angolan she got preferential treatment.

    WTF kind of thinking is that you may ask? Ans: The sick & twisted mind of a hate filled racist.

  14. And now all the white girls on LJ who think she's hater are rallying to insist she's not a racist.

    Excuse me, but...when a white chick simply refuses to believe that a Black chick can win a beauty pageant without "interference", there's some racism going. This is not an isolated incident; this is an established pattern of behavior.

  15. I hate the "im not racist,but..." because prettty much everything after the but is racist. In college I've had many white girls say things like im not usually attracted to black men or asian men,but I would sleep with so and so, so you know they must be good looking. It was like since they acknowledged the person of color as fu*kable, that the value or worth of the person was some how now validated. When I would tell them how offensive those statements were they would get defensive and say that they couldn't be racist since they would sleep with a person of color. We had to stop being friends after that. I genuinely believe that most white people think true racists are kkk members or people who physically assault minorites while spewing racial slurs. Everyone else who says something racist or does something offensive, just made a mistake and needs a second chance in their eyes.

  16. Her argument is pretty weak because while Brazil is definitely majority POC (and despite the fact that some are in denial about it, majority black by a landslide), they don't market themselves as such, do not celebrate it as such, and themselves do not even choose to export that brand of beauty as their national standards. They are still very much in the process of many "firsts" in regards to black people and black women.
    Ask any person on the street what a "Brazilian" looks like and they will think it's a tall skinny, blond, white woman, even though those women are a small minority(and recent interlopers) in Brazil. So if Brazilian judges were really the ones picking, they'd pick the same girls that they choose to send here to the U.S. and Europe as the faces of "Brazilian" beauty. Quite a scam they have going there really.
    When I tell people that Brazil has the most black people in the Western Hemisphere, and in fact, more than any country outside of the African continent, they look at me as though I have two heads.
    But they also think I'm lying when I point out that people that look like me can be found in abundance all over South America (excluding maybe Argentina) and in Cuba, the Dominican Republic, etc.
    B/c you know, real Latinos are either white or perhaps look like Eva Mendes. (And don't get me started on how they cannot process the fact that their are people of entirely Asian descent who are 3 generations or more rooted in Brazil and Peru.)


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