Contemplating My Conditioning

I recently read a post by Neo-Prodigy in which he talked about the conditioning of a heterosexist society on a homosexual man.  No baby-sitting, no matter how much you love kids, or how much your friends and relatives could really use the help.  No touching your partner in public, no matter how innocent and loving.  Always avert your gaze from the good-looking guys in the locker room at the gym, even if they're speaking directly to you.

I've been meaning to do a post about similar conditioning of Black women, but I wasn't sure if it would sound crazy or not.  Then the lil sis made a comment which made me realize this post was quite necessary.

The lil sis recently found out two her of best friends (both Black women) are in abusive relationships.  Add in her other best friend, and that brings the count to three.  To which a bewildered lil sis said, "I shouldn't have three best friends in abusive relationships.  That's not normal.  Maybe one friend, or friend of a friend, but my three best friends should not be getting knocked around, even as we speak."

The lil sis was right; it's not normal to have three best friends who are regularly getting choked and beaten by their boyfriends.  And a woman shouldn't go from being tough and self-reliant all her life to tolerating abuse.  Somewhere, something went wrong.

There's a softness in my voice, which I don't always think was there.  In fact, I remember hearing for years that I had a big mouth and a powerful voice; I heard that phrase every day until it suddenly stopped.  I think it's around the time I grew quiet.  I've also noticed that every since I worked in mental health, people have told me how soothing and calming my presence is.  I thought I was just doing my job, but I realize that it goes much deeper.  For years, I've played peacemaker.  I've tried to alleviate tension.  I've sugarcoated things, applied humor, avoided cussing, and patiently listened to people's problems when I really should've been telling people to get over themselves.

But I wanted to be listened to, not just heard.  I wanted my words to have impact.  I didn't want to just be dismissed as another Angry Black Woman.

With the steady rise of the "loud, fat, ghetto Black woman" meme, I think, comes this new and often subconscious behavior of Black women.  We start doing everything we can to not be seen as the dreaded Black Dragon.  We don't want plumes of fire to burst forth from our mouths and scorch everything in sight.  With my Kerry Washington post, I talked about the increasingly counterproductive characterization of Black women in Hollywhite - the skinny, often light-skinned, straight-haired, housewife/girlfriend who cries, whines, and serves no real purpose (think "Chocolate Cookie Cutter Cutie").  She's helpless, and she goes through desperate lengths to keep her man, whether it's tolerating abuse or getting pregnant on purpose.

And we're told to be just like her, because she's "a real woman."  She's "feminine."

Folks, one in three Black American women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime (Source).  Those whose abusive relationships end in murder don't get nearly enough media attention, which sadly goes without saying (Source).  Add a harrowing recession to the mix and we have a severely toxic situation on the rise.
"My Margaret was wise too; she said to us, 'Trust in those who offer you service, and in the end, my maidens, you will find yourselves in the ranks of those who have been deceived.'"

~  Ann Boleyn, The Tudors (Episode 2.10)
The lil sis says that relationships have become more difficult for her, because she's gotten hypervigilant.  Her new pet peeve is when a would-be boyfriend starts offering to pay for things which don't relate to them as a potential couple, such as her hair and nails.  She said to me, "That's how it starts.  They do all these things for you and then they feel entitled."

One of the lil sis's abused friends hasn't worked since her child (whom she gets beaten in front of) was born some years ago.  Her significant other pays for everything; he's in complete financial control.  Another friend used to be a no-nonsense fighter who had no problem throwing down with the boys - and winning.  So the lil sis asked her, where did all that strength go?  What happened to the girl who didn't take shit from anyone?

The friend (whose own mother was abused in front of her) replied that people kept telling her she was too aggressive, too angry, and need to calm down.  She began to question herself and her own behavior, and figured she'd get along better and with more people (read: men) if she didn't argue or fight back.  Think of it as the deadlier version of dumbing yourself down and/or having sex with someone simply because you think it's the only way to make them like you.

For black men who badmouth black women, and help preserve the aggressive, borderline-violent stereotype of the black woman, this is something I really want you to think about.  While researching this post, I came across a website which said that most of the black women in DV relationships are in them with black men, and the main reason they don't leave is that they're afraid they don't have any options outside of black men, and will die alone if they leave.

You can imagine what happens when the blindly-pro BW/WM articles start incorporating that type of information.

So what about you, ladies?  Have you stopped to think about your conditioning?  What have you discovered about yourselves?

Comments

  1. I'm sorry that your lil' sis is dealing with this dilemma, but I'm more sorry towards her friends.

    I think part of the reason why this is happening within our communities is because of the identity that we were installed with about being aggressive, emotionless, and powerful. Some, if not most of us believe women are weak. With the case of black women, some of us believe that black women are angry, loud bitches. Remember the Sergeant Willie Pete movement on Youtube? He had nothing good to say about black women and even sided with a white racist who demeaned them. That was the moment his empire crumbled.

    I don't know all of the causes for this behavior. I can only speculate. Some of it has to do with the history of abuse by whites. Some of it is due to economic conditions. Some of it is due to witnessing abuse in the past. Some of it is living in a world where male dominance is prevalent and excused even in fatal instances. And. some of it is due to mental problems. Maybe, it's all of them.

    One thing that's clear is that we can not keep the lid close on this issue. It must be acknowledged openly and honestly if we are to make that first step towards the healing process. Physical and verbal abuse could destroy lives. It has already claim far too many.

    What should be done to tackle this issue?

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  2. "In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it" (Ephesians 5:28 and 29 NWT)

    I find it horrible that men would resort to hitting their wives. i witness my share of DV. I see some changes and not. But I blame the break down of family values. Today people can careless about another human being let alone their spouse.

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  3. I've definitely thought about my own conditioning. It didn't come from my family, but from others. For instance, I remember speaking with some fellow staff and being told that my personality could be "overwhelming" at times.

    I silenced myself for in certain situations as to appear non-threatening, I admit to that. However, as I began to get older and become more clear about who I was apart from others, I am more vocal about what pleases me and what doesn't.

    It took a lot of internal work and soul searching, but I "arrived" some time ago and have never looked back. It breaks my heart to see my fellow sisters so devalued and broken that they don't believe they deserve better than abuse and control.

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  4. When I was a kid, I saw Child's Play 3. For those of you who aren't familiar with the plot, the serial killer who possesses the doll is out to transfer his soul into the soul of someone innocent, pure: Andy who is a child. Chucky has failed in the first two movies. This time in the third film, Andy is a teenager and Chucky has found a new target. An innocent and pure-hearted boy name Ronald. What struck a nerve with me was this was one of the first times that I've ever seen a black character (even a child) portrayed as innocent and pure. And it was actually refreshing to see us portrayed as an innocent soul. It was surreal to see a white character risk his life to protect an innocent black child.

    And that's the problem. We often get viewed and treated like savages not only by whites but by our own. We don't blink an eye at the fact that about 95 percent of the crimes committed by blacks are to other blacks.

    We don't blink an eye at the fact that too many brothers are locked up in cages like cattle.

    Hell look at most of the media that depicts us. Most of the time we can't even have a black family friendly movie without even the kids being raunchy or vulgar or promiscuous.

    And I'm not even talking about Tyler Perry, this shit was going on long before him.

    Blacks are expected to be hard. Black women can't be feminine or vulnerable. Black children don't get help from cops when they call the police about being abused. The cops and the system don't do shit. While they're quick to yank white kids out of abusive homes, they don't even bother with black kids. When white kids get in trouble with the law, they often get counseling and resources. Black kids, jail time.

    The problem is, we don't demand better and we don't expect better. We still view ourselves as 3/5 subhumans.

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  5. @ Brotha Wolf

    What should be done to tackle this issue?

    I often say that sexism is perhaps the oldest of the -isms.

    While the DV numbers for BW are 1 in 3, for all women in America it's 1 in 4. Rape statistics also tend to be ridiculously high; for example, I recently learned from Anishinaabekwe that 1 in 3 Native American women will be raped in her lifetime.

    While race, finance, and location all contribute, at the end of the day, it's a gender matter, and a serious one at that. So much for sexism being dead, huh?

    Many men don't like hearing no; they don't like independent women, and their aggressive behaviors towards us are basically community-sanctioned. The victims are looked down upon and blamed. And just as white people ignore the deaths of POC at the hands of white people, men often ignore the abuse of women at the hands of men. They don't listen, they don't join activist groups, and their first instinct is to protect/justify the actions of a man accused of DV or rape.

    And such men are NOT some time minority. 50% of all women murdered in America are murdered either by a current husband or boyfriend, or an ex. And women are most likely to be raped by husbands and boyfriends. After that, it's relatives, then friends, and in the distant last, strangers.

    @ Lenoxave

    I've definitely thought about my own conditioning...However, as I began to get older and become more clear about who I was apart from others, I am more vocal about what pleases me and what doesn't.

    I understand completely. These days, I just don't give a fuck.

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  6. *NOT some tiny minority
    **Some Amish women, for example, are raped over a hundred times in their lifetime by fathers, uncles, siblings, and cousins.

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  7. And it was actually refreshing to see us portrayed as an innocent soul. It was surreal to see a white character risk his life to protect an innocent black child.

    Same feeling I got when Dr. Nathan Stark on Eureke flat-out stated he would do anything for Kevin and his mother Allison Blake. I raised an eyebrow at that line, especially since I thought Stark was the coldest, most selfish bastard on the show.

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  8. "Blacks are expected to be hard. Black women can't be feminine or vulnerable. Black children don't get help from cops when they call the police about being abused. The cops and the system don't do shit. While they're quick to yank white kids out of abusive homes, they don't even bother with black kids. When white kids get in trouble with the law, they often get counseling and resources. Black kids, jail time."

    That's what pissed me off about Columbine. Like where was the memorials and media attention when black and latino kids in urban areas was getting shot at?

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  9. @ Ankhesen

    As a side note I notice that in one of the comments in an article found on theloop, one guy said how the piece was making black men look bad.

    I wanted to respond how this article was not trying to demonize black men. It was trying to shed light on a serious issue that affects all blacks. Besides, society has already made up its mind about how black men are. They will draw a collective conclusion on an entire race if there was one violent member out of millions. So, fuck them.

    This is not about tarnishing images. This is about stopping the cycle of violence against ourselves in our communities. Period.

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  10. Just to clarify, I'm worried the 1 in 3 stat will be used against thirsty BW and reprogram them to believe that the best way to avoid a violent relationship is simply to avoid black men altogether.

    It's one thing when white folks believe this bullshit. It's a whole new problem when we believe it ourselves.

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  11. Yes, I have absolutely thought about my conditioning and I have made great strides at rejecting all of it that is counter to my living my best life.

    This society places a great weight on us in a way that cripples most of us unless we are able to find a way out of it. A lot of us are not able to find a way out and then that creates a cycle to be endured by yet another generation of black women.

    To be seen as an individual in THIS society as a black woman that deserves to be and to exist without stereotypes is a fete that I hope we all get to enjoy someday.

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  12. @ Ankh

    Not to derail, but black men are also constantly victims of domestic abuse. Last time I checked, black men are abused at a frighteningly high percentage too. Why there is a lack of articles outlining this, makes me wonder. Probably because it would take the wind out of the rabid BWE's idiot's sails. I also wonder what the numbers for white domestic abuse are, because like many negative white statistics, they seem to be tucked away.

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  13. Neo-Prodigy said...
    And that's the problem. We often get viewed and treated like savages not only by whites but by our own. We don't blink an eye at the fact that about 95 percent of the crimes committed by blacks are to other blacks. We don't blink an eye at the fact that too many brothers are locked up in cages like cattle.

    This apparent double standard has always troubled me. We can kill… beat- abuse our own all day long and no one (civil rights activists/community leaders) bats an eye. No mass marches down the streets; no signs… no pickets- nothing. But let one white man beat- abuse, or misspeak on the air; or otherwise kill us and we’re boarding buses. We’re marching down every avenue in the city, shouting- “no justice, no peace!” Its the only time we seem to come together for a cause. We get all bent out of shape when a white racist stays true to his programming and kills one of us. But to me the greater tragedy is when we do it to ourselves. And there have been some horrific crimes committed against us… by us; especially against black women.

    Our village is broken. We are responsible for us; especially we fathers. When I sired 4 children I also knew that one day they would grow up to have kids of their own. I also told them that if you have any unresolved issues with me, (I’ve made mistakes; I’m not perfect) to wait before having kids. Grow up and find yourself first; before you wonder into parenthood. Don’t turn around and take those daddy issues out on your own children; or your partner. Because that’s not going to heal you. I knew that if I failed in my duty to mentor- lead (and love) they would do the same to their own. Moreover, their children’s children would follow suit; and so on…. and so on…. and so forth. It takes a village to raise a black child- but Our village is broken.

    Most of our young black men are stuck in a cycle of perpetual childhood and learned helplessness. With no man in the home (to balance the equation) there's no model to pattern themselves after. So mother becomes the only model they have. She provides for them well past the time that she ought; but these boys stay pinned to the titty much too long. Depending on mother well into their 20’s and 30’s they lack the acumen to take care of anyone; not even themselves. They can do grownup things like impregnate women, cuss- drink and drive, but they’re utterly hopeless as fathers.

    In many parts of Africa, villages hold Rights of manhood. Rituals and initiations so designed to usher one into manhood. To have the right to marry and own cattle. The elders gather and choose the candidates. The elders of the village instruct, they lead- mentor and pass on traditions. In this country who will teach young black men, if black men won’t?

    There are videos being posted to the internet from almost every municipality in this country that lay bare our self-esteem issues. Whether we want to admit it or not. Now notice in the video (as we try to kill and maim ourselves) let one white police officer hit a black woman and we'll cry racism and police brutality. I’ve never seen so many young beautiful women at each other's throats, and so many sad-sagging, young black men edging them on.

    We can’t go to a club, or a store; a meeting or venue where we don’t end up fighting ourselves. We’ve been trying to break the white man of his bigotry, while our own malady has been festering for years.

    Neo-Prodigy said...
    The problem is, we don't demand better and we don't expect better. We still view ourselves as 3/5 subhumans.

    And that’s so very, very sad. It’s our inconvenient truth. Ostensibly, we’ve been conditioned to hate ourselves by a race of men with long histories of manipulating non-whites against non-whites for his benefit. Nothing new. I hope I didn’t offend with the links.

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  14. "The problem is, we don't demand better and we don't expect better. We still view ourselves as 3/5 subhumans.'

    Funny you mention that because, if there was a black person who do view see themselves better and want better. They are considered white.

    I remember a time when being smart means being white.

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  15. I can sum up my conditioning in a poem I once read:

    "TOO BLACK"

    They take my kindess for..WEAKNESS
    They take my silence for..SPEECHLESS
    They consider my uniqueness ...STRANGE
    They call my language...SLANG
    They see my confidence as...CONCEIT
    They see my mistakes as...DEFEAT
    They concider my success...ACCIDENTAL
    They minimize my intelligence to...POTENTIAL
    My questions mean I am...UNAWARE
    My advancement is somehow....UNFAIR
    To voice my concern is....DISCONTENTMENT
    If I stand up for myself i'm too..DEFENSIVE
    If I don't trust them I am too..APPREHENSIVE
    I am defiant if I....SEPARATE
    I am fake if I..ASSIMILATE
    My character is constantly....UNDER ATTACK
    Pride for my race makes me..TOO BLACK


    I sometimes think honestly if I were to live/visit anyplace outside the U.S. that's less racially hostile, I wouldn't know how to react and people would think I'd have a severe problem at my reaction to it all because this kind of perception we have about ourselves is pathological among blacks as it's inflicted upon us by NON-BLACKS. daily.


    and not to hijack but a big F-U goes out to UC BERZERKLEY
    ...where were the protests and flaming couches being thrown out of windows (and other famed antics) on these spoiled rich kids using a race-sensitive issue like affirmative action to earn money to go towards their little exclusive organization?

    Letting a war criminal like John Yoo teach there is obviously a result of BS like this.


    and another big F-U to the runner up: Wikipedia for selectively upholding any given author's obvious white supremacist viewpoints concerning issues regarding POC and history amidst other subjects.

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  16. and another big F-U to the runner up: Wikipedia for selectively upholding any given author's obvious white supremacist viewpoints concerning issues regarding POC and history amidst other subjects.

    Indeed. I've noticed this as well. Wikipedia prefers whitewashed history, and they don't even try to hide it. That's why I avoid their info on POC as often as possible and never contribute to their fundraisers. Fuck Whitopedia.

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  17. I honestly feel like people are trying to re-program me sometimes. I remember in my last year in college the first day of class my teacher was talking to us about how things might be difficult having to work together as a group but we just had to work through it blah blah blah...he went on to say "So and so might not have finished their scene of animation, Pepp's being a bitch" and I kinda laughed at that but then I was like "wait why am I the bitch?" I know I have a forceful personality but damn. This wasn't the only time something like that happened in that class but this one sticks out the most in my mind.
    I felt like I was at war in that class, that they wanted to change me because I was an outspoken black woman and they just weren't used to it. I was going through some crap with my white ex at the time So I felt totally besieged. When we broke up he was trying to tell me I was rude and inconsiderate and the whole time I was in the relationship I felt like I was being overly demure, that I wasn't myself. And here he was telling me that my overly formal cowed behavior was rude. WTF? I kinda snapped at that point and let him have it, and I decided I wasn't playing nice anymore. because I was a miserable trying to please him and those crazy white folks in my class and I'll be damned if I let myself get in that position again. Now whenever someone tries to pull that whole "you're so mean" crap with me I just suggest that maybe I'm not mean, maybe you're just a chump.

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  18. As long as we are surrounded by this "Matrix of Whiteness" we will still be implanted with messages telling us that we're bad, stupid, promiscuous, and less than human. It's a fact that centuries worth of destructive programming combined with the continuous propaganda machine that exist today is the reason why many of us are "lost in the darkness". Some of us are indeed complacent being viewed as less than human. That was part of "their" plan all along. The major question is what can be done to release those mental chains?

    Even though there are some movements against violence, and some (black) people all over the country working to end the violence against ourselves, there's still much work to be done. However, whenever black folks start learning about who they really are, develop racial pride, and get angry, this white nation will do whatever they can to suppress it even if they resort to massacre. Those bastards don't want us to be truly happy, they want us to be controlled or dead. That's all it is.

    You see, I believe in hell, because being black in a white world IS HELL.

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  19. "That was part of "their" plan all along. The major question is what can be done to release those mental chains?"

    Will power pure will power. You ahve to have the willingness to change.

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  20. Part 1 (cuz I'm long-winded):

    Have you stopped to think about your conditioning? What have you discovered about yourselves?

    Periodically, Ankh. When shit starts to seem all out of whack and/or depressing in my world, I have to stop, and to borrow from James Baldwin, “do my first works over.” Simply put, what usually guides the when of the re-examination, is when too much just doesn’t sit well with my spirit.

    I’m 55 now, but early in my life, I’ve been one of those “friends” about whom your lil sis shared. And while it certainly shouldn’t be normal - it, more often than not, is a “normal occurrence.” And since we live in a world based on patriarchy, it’s allowed to remain that way.

    To your, “ And a woman shouldn't go from being tough and self-reliant all her life to tolerating abuse.” - I submit, there really wasn’t any “going from…” – “to” anything. The something that went wrong was always there, somewhere deep and unacknowledged, masked by toughness, self-reliance, or whatever.

    Usually, it seems to me (as it was in my case), the “something,” is inextricably linked with issues of low self-esteem – which I’ve deduced - began long before we were even born. Trauma, after all, is trauma, and basically, at least to my mind, its effects, while having myriad manifestations – are rooted in how we view and love ourselves (though I’ve yet to meet a mental health professional, who’s not tended to totally ignore and write-off the trauma experienced by my kinfolk from the belly of the ship to today, as - “not the same thing.” Probably one of the reasons I finally decided to just avoid them some time ago.

    The day I “discovered” that I had to change the lens through which I viewed myself from “theirs” (white folk, men, etc.) - to my own, and love the hell out of me, first - was the day that shit really ceased. It was hard work; took a long time - it continues. Why? Because whips and chains become fists and feet; or hurtful/hate-filled words and deceitful acts; or manipulation and control, etc, etc. – still. And all of it - is in the service of a domination-wrought patriarchy.

    ” There's a softness in my voice, which I don't always think was there. In fact, I remember hearing for years that I had a big mouth and a powerful voice”

    Though my voice has always been literally powerful (sang in the bass section of the church choir from 6th grade, til I stopped going), I was never accused of being loud or having a big mouth because at home, at school and Lawd knows, out in public around white folk! - we were taught to be seen and not heard unless asked to speak (generational?). So the silence was pretty much already there. Not until we transferred from our segregated, Catholic school, to the public school in our neighborhood after the divorce, did I find my voice, with the constant encouragement of my 9th grade English/French teacher. She realized I had a great mind – on paper - and she prodded me endlessly to, “Open your mouth Deborah, the rest of the class can’t benefit from what you know if you keep it to yourself!” And the more I began to, the more I liked it - because not only was I being listened to – I was being heard.

    Now, I’m often characterized as an “Angry Black Woman” - loud ("deep bottoms" such as mine, I've found - can't really help the way their voices resonate, especially when passionate about something!) and/or with a big mouth. And you know what? I could give two shits about that these days, because I know now, that my voice, imbued with the truth of my lived experiences, is both literally and virtually “powerful” - despite those who would dismiss it (and there will always be some who do).

    Your lil sis is on point on how it starts, but how it continues, again - has to do with “how we see and love ourselves.” I choose not to substitute either of those things for someone else’s because, as you say – it can, and often is deadly.

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  21. Part 2

    ” While researching this post, I came across a website which said that most of the black women in DV relationships are in them with black men…”

    I’d disagree with that research, just based on my own lived experiences in a 30-year, inter-racial marriage. Our circle of friends over that span of time (mostly military or civilians working for the DOD), has shown me that broken bones and/or bruised eyes, or whatever – do not solely, a DV relationship make.

    I’ve known Black and Latina women in relationships with white men (and white women with white men too) who’ve not had a hand lain on them. But the damage to their spirits/self-respect/their very lives - was unrelenting and crushing as a result of verbal and psychological abuse coupled with their low self-esteem and not loving themselves enough.

    A white friend of mine in San Antone some years ago, was being pimped – by her Italian-American (society-identified white) husband after he got out of the military and couldn’t find a job to keep the family (which included two daughters and a son) living in the manner to which they were accustomed. She called me at 3 am one morning frantic, because her trick, all coked-up, had demanded and tried some auto-erotic asphyxiation shit – against her will.

    Screaming in the phone that he was trying to kill her (the husband, supposedly her muscle, was absent when she tried reaching him), she asked if I would come and get her from the Omni Hotel. I did. When I got there, she ran to my car, butt-assed naked except for a trench coat. All she kept babbling was, “I kept calling Fred (not his real name) and he never answered!!”

    Her beautiful, 13 year-old daughter met us at the door. This child already knew what her parents were doing, having accidentally (?) picked up messages from the phone in their bedroom once – a phone she knew, under NO circumstance, she was ever supposed to use/answer/check.

    Anywho, I watched a documentary on PBS some time ago, about the women of Lugu Lake in China and their “walking marriages.” I found it extremely interesting. For so many reasons, I could see how the matriarchal/matrilineal traditions of the Mosou, are extremely beneficial and validating for the women, the children, the families. A short video is available on Frontline/PBS but I couldn’t get a short link to post here. If you’d like, just Google “The Women’s Kingdom” on PBS to see it. In the meantime, here are a couple links. I’d be interested to know what you think:
    http://www.insideoutchina.com/2009/01/mosuo-walking-marriage-on-lugu-lake-2.html
    http://www.mosuoproject.org/main.html

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  22. I read this post http://ballastexistenz.wordpress.com/2011/09/26/what-it-means-to-be-real/ on being a real person. I know she is white, but her post on being abused (she is disabled, so it was abuse on the basis on her disability) and not knowing it was wrong and that she was a real person is something I thought of while reading the post and comments here. That's an important part of conditioning, not thinking of yourself as a person and being labeled as aggressive and accused of harming others for standing up for yourself, even when you do it really nicely and even pleadingly. It resonated.

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  23. "Screaming in the phone that he was trying to kill her (the husband, supposedly her muscle, was absent when she tried reaching him), she asked if I would come and get her from the Omni Hotel. I did. When I got there, she ran to my car, butt-assed naked except for a trench coat. All she kept babbling was, “I kept calling Fred (not his real name) and he never answered!!”

    Her beautiful, 13 year-old daughter met us at the door. This child already knew what her parents were doing, having accidentally (?) picked up messages from the phone in their bedroom once – a phone she knew, under NO circumstance, she was ever supposed to use/answer/check."

    I had to step back from the computer for a minute before typing. That was heart breaking.

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  24. Javan...It was. And worse, the 13 year-old who went to the same school as my youngest, began to act out in school - just like her mother. He'd see her, doing shit with boys and go over and talk to her just to break it up and then, come home and tell me I needed to talk to her mother. I did. Ended up with them tearing her ass up - for shit SHE LEARNED AT HOME!

    There's all kinds of abuse going on in this world...

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