The Black Woman Attraction Paradox
A recent Facebook request for a link to a previous post on how black women are perceived as "droppable" reminded me that I need to clarify my thoughts on something. And while I write this from a heterosexual standpoint, something tells me that this applies in the lesbian world as well.
According to Moi, black women are attractive not only to us, to our male counterparts, but to non-blacks as well. Why? That's the natural order of things. As human beings, we're designed to be attracted to one another, regardless of skintone, hair type, or eye shape. We have an innate curiosity which draws us to one another in the first place. Our pheromones are all the same. It is simply a natural human aspect.
Racism, on the other hand, is unnatural. Racist social conditioning is directly in conflict with human nature, because it tells us that what we want by biological design is wrong (homophobic social conditioning, ironically, works the same way).
Case in point: While I was in Appalachia, my gay boyfriends introduced me to the concept of morbid fascination. And though I was fairly familiar with the phenomenon itself, I didn't know its name. They gave me the example that there are humans who openly detest the notion of homosexuality...yet constantly try to maintain homosexual friends. They claim to think homosexuality is wrong, yet they can't seem to stay away from their gay friends, and even try to set them up on dates with their other gay acquaintances.
The desire to be around [gay] fellow humans is natural. It's likely because they've met a kind soul or kindred spirit, and thus gravitate towards this person who is good and who would cause them no harm. However...their rejection of their friends' harmless sexual orientation and their tendency to drop the gay friend first, or be generally disrespectful and inconsiderate is the unnatural result of conditioning.
Black women tend to experience something similar. People are drawn to us all the time. People ask us out all the time. People - in general - are attracted to us because as humans, they're supposed to be. It's natural. However, the mistreatment we often experience at the hands of others is unnatural; it's been programmed into them, some of who aren't even aware at times. They've been programmed to think we are expendable, so that they don't feel obligated to us in any way. Much of this is subconscious, especially amongst fellow POC, but this is where very dangerous circular thinking tends to enter the situation, like, "If I hesitate to defend her, then it must be because I don't have to. And if I don't have to, then I won't. And if I don't, it's okay. It's okay because defending her didn't occur to me right away in the first place, most likely because it's probably not that big an issue, really, and if it's not a big deal, then I don't really have to do anything...." and so on and so forth.
Another thing people have to keep in mind is the issue of distorted perception. Black women keep writing blog posts like these because other people truly believe they're treating us "normally", when actually, they're not. It doesn't come as a surprise to us, of course; they've been conditioned not to, despite their biological programming which tells them to react to us the way they would any other woman. They've been conditioned to ignore the instinct to treat us like fellow human beings.
Ever notice "the pause", ladies? You know...someone who isn't a black woman comes up to you and says hi. You say hi. They say some about the weather or traffic or the ridiculous price of gas. You concur or something. Then...pause. And after the pause, everything tends to go downhill because what comes out of their mouths next - a good 90% of the time - is a huge turn off (take your pick; I'm too tired).
Now, to the person talking, what they've just done is perfectly harmless and normal. They think they're being nice and having witty, civilized conversation. They literally can't see anything wrong with what they're doing. And when it inevitably fails, they get frustrated because you're not conforming to what they've been conditioned to think of you, they really don't know where to go from there, but they want to continue nonetheless because they are, quite naturally, drawn to you.
Fashion Tip from Moi
For guys and gals who are into black women: acknowledge your conditioning. Confront it. Pay attention to it. Analyze what you do and don't do. Don't downplay anything. And don't tell yourself she's not worth it simply because you don't know how to act - learn how to act. The conditioning is poisonous to you; so drop it at the first sign of trouble...not the woman.