Josh Hartnett is Not Worthy

***Warning: NSFW***

I understand some of you may be Josh Hartnett fans.  I half-expect Neo-Prodigy to send me an email after this with "WTF????" in the subject line.

Thing is, I was never able to jump on the fanwagon (lil sis did, though).  I don't think he's attractive.  His voice and speech pattern are irritating and juvenile, as though his mouth and throat are not yet fully developed.  When it comes to his acting style, watching a Josh Hartnett movie is like ordering bland with a side of bland.  And though Hartnett himself has experience with BW/WM, August (2008) is the failiest fail in Failonia.

August is one of those cringe-worthy films we've all seen before.  Alpha White Male is a self-deluded prick (complete with a gun tattoo on his torso) who does whatever he wants to whomever he wants.  He smacks his brother and business partner upside the head, and talks shit to literally everyone, including the people trying to hire him.  Every woman he meets is nothing but a nameless, coke-snorting sperm depository.  Hell, the movie even starts out with him being emo in a bathroom with a bony blonde.  As if we really believe anything she does or says matters to the AWM.

The film, at first, proffers the idea that maybe the cure for his arrogance is being reunited with the black love he lost.  In fact, he runs into her while on a "date" with one of his not-very-sober sperm depositories who looks like she's about to pass out right there in the restaurant.  The AWM forgets he's supposed to be on a date and instead turns all of his attention all onto Naomie.  He later even convinces her to come to his house for dinner where they affectionately catch up.

And after being lured into a false sense of security, this bullshit right here happens.

For those of you lighting your cigarettes and pressing rewind, pay close attention to the AWM's facial expression at the end. Survey says?  Sperm depository!!!!

No wonder this film tanked (along with several other problems, of course).  While we do see the AWM cut back down to the size in the end, it's still troubling to see a black woman in a film like this.  I don't like the white emo movie scene, where the main character's problems are patently manufactured.  I loathe how women in these films are always so damn disposable, whether they're the AWM's mother, girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, sister, business partner, pilates instructor - whoever.  Not to mention, the ego, looks, and sexual prowess of the AWM are always severely over-hyped ( I mean seriously, what was that?  A few seconds?).

Films like these are bad enough on their own.  But when a black woman is dragged into the mix, and basically used as some white boy's cum bucket, it tends to rub me extra raw.

Let me be clear: I'm also disappointed in Naomie Harris, because I'm a huge friggin' fan and she usually has very good taste in the roles.  She was probably hoping that this movie would really rake in the dough, considering who the top billing actor was, but alas, it came and went...and rightfully so.  I'm more disappointed in her than I am with Zoe Saldana and her upcoming film with Michael Vartan (*shudder*), because Harris is older, more experienced, and more established.  She didn't need to do this film, or any like it.


  1. I had a huge crush on him for a minute. And Hollywood Homicide brought the man candy with both him and Harrison Ford. Since then, he's kinda fallen off for me, but props to Rihanna.

    I saw August a few years ago. For me, I liked the film well enough because the film established that the alpha white male was an irredeemable asshole who treated everyone like shit.

    And I guess for me Harris's character was unique because the role of the good woman who tries to redeem the bad boy is usually reserved for white women, where as Harris would've been reduced to the random jumpoff.

    They established he was the douchebag and to see him finally get humbled and broken by his pimpness David Bowie was gold.

    For me, I was okay with this because the film called August on his shit whereas if this had been Twilight, Gossip Girl, or Limitless (Bradley Cooper's White Male Fantasy), he would've been praised as the hero.

    That being said, that was my impression when I saw the movie and by no means is it the standard and the next person's mileage may vary for equally valid reasons.

    Your points are immensely valid and I definitely see where you're coming from.

    Which thinking back on it now, it's kinda fucked up that August is actually a step up from the legions of AWM fantasies that have been released since then.

    That's right Limitless, I'm looking at yo ass.

  2. to see him finally get humbled and broken by his pimpness David Bowie was gold.

    That was the high point of the film for me. Because Bowie doesn't come out until the very end and every syllable he uttered was boss.

    And I guess for me Harris's character was unique because the role of the good woman who tries to redeem the bad boy is usually reserved for white women, where as Harris would've been reduced to the random jumpoff.

    1) That type of role does more harm to women than it does good. A smart woman simply replaces a bad boy; she doesn't try to redeem him. (See "The Power of Pussy" by Amaya Radjani)

    2) Harris was basically reduced to a random jump-off. After they fuck, he has no more use for her. He can't even keep a single, simple appointment.

  3. *hurls*

    This movie passed me right on by, praise Claude! Never heard of it. Naomie, girl, ya got to better than this!

  4. She's supposed to be in a Bond film next. Since I am the furthest thing from a Bond fan-girl, I'd like to hear others opinions on this development.

    I didn't even watch that clip in this post. Man, seeing it on my tv was discomforting enough. It would have been better if he just used an old sock. >.<

  5. I'd seen footage on youtube and wasn't interested. Hartnett hasn't been compelling since his early years in Hollywood, when he was all about being different from the pack, not white bread like Vartan. He's become dull, wooden and boring. Naomi wasted her time w/this film. She really did.

    Why can't we get some worthy White dudes if they have to be in the damn film? If I was a thousand years younger, I'd be all over Gaspard Ulliel. He's fine, French and a damn good actor.

    Gaspard in Chanel

  6. Your problems with this movie made me uncomfortable. I always feel like I'm some emo/indie/hipster/etc white boy's token and it's gross. Granted I've never actually dated a (full) white guy, and at this point I'm mostly not interested in doing so, I still feel like I'm what Naomie is to Josh in this movie in a way. I get approached/asked out by white guys more than anyone and they almost always give off that awkward I-want-you-to-be-my-token-black-girl-sperm-dumpster vibe. I don't really know how to describe it, but I feel it. I don't like it and I'm not interested in being THAT girl for anyone. Especially an AWM. I feel disgusted just thinking about it.

    I still love you, Naomie! You have and will do better.

  7. I'm tempted to look at this train wreck just for the Bowie parts. Yes, I like Bowie that much. Too bad I can't find all his parts on YouTube (just that minute-long blip about not liking the way the AWM protagonist does business).

  8. I'm tempted to look at this train wreck just for the Bowie parts. Yes, I like Bowie that much.

    Unfortunately, to fully appreciate Bowie's classy verbal smackdown at the end, you gotta watch the whole film. And when I say that ain't easy....

  9. Notice how Hartnett avoids kissing her, btw.

  10. @ The Girl

    I'm glad at the discomfort because I don't want black women to look at films like these as a sign of "progress".


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