Michael Vartan is Unworthy

Case in Point: If her love interest was a black man whites wouldn’t go see it. The first thing the director does in this film is blur her ethnicity. Her exotic appeal to young white boys was definitely a consideration. In this country, being cast opposite a white male lead seems the aspect of success for black women. No formula-driven Tyler Perry movie can do this for Zoë.

You know...I was getting eager to see film this until Michael Vartan's cliched-ass character was unveiled.

This is going to be a straight-up vengeance flick; I get that. I'm not expecting Shakespeare, but come on. This is going to be a film all about a gun-toting assassin portrayed by a woman I'm admiring increasingly...and not only did they have to give her a not-so-essential significant other, but they cast friggin' Michael Vartan.

Mikey is that dude who's made-for-TV...in every sense of the term.  Whether he's ruining the character of Lancelot in the catastrophic miniseries Mist of Avalon, or playing Captain Bland-as-Fuck on Alias, Mikey belongs on the little screen, and preferrably out of sight.  He certainly shouldn't be cast opposite a steadily rising star who, at this point, could probably buy and sell him a couple of dozen times over.  For pygmy's sake, he played Mr. Serves No Purpose in Monster-in-Law.


So the Powers That Be wanted to do the whole Latino thing (while trying to avoid the whole Zoe-being-black thing), but they couldn't cast an Hispanic actor as her lover (and simply drop the uber-lame attempt to make her ethnically ambiguous)?  Was, like, Kuno Becker on hiatus or something?  Nobody thought to give Diego Luna a call?  Was Efren Ramirez unavailable?  Did Bruno Campos just not want a paycheck?
Jay Hernandez didn't cross anybody's mind...anybody at all?

Seriously, y'all?  Michael Vartan was deemed the best man for the job...and we're supposed to accept that shit with a straight face?

I want to support Zoe's career, I really do, but the mere sight of her in the arms of that creature makes me want to spew a fountain of vomit.


  1. MMmmm. Difficult decision but I'll pass. Shame for Zaldana cause it looks like an interesting role for her. And anyway, why is every lead she's paired with a White guy? Almost all the time, except maybe "Drumline" I dunno her entire filmography.

    My policy now is strict abstinence. If it doesn't prominently feature PoC it doesn't get my money or support. Tired of the "one is enough, two is too many" BS they put us through.

  2. Difficult decision but I'll pass.

    I think I'm going to end up passing on this as well. It's like close, but no cigar.

  3. I don't think I'll even allow myself to watch this online for free.

  4. I love female assassins ("Kill Bill" is the motherfucking shit!) and I like Zoe. But this isn't a movie I'm shelling out my hard-earned ducks for. Michael Vartan is a lame, bland character actor with zero whip appeal.

    Oscar Jaenada wasn't available? Freakin' Cougar from "The Losers?" Now that movie I'd see on opening night in damn IMAX with Combo #3 and a Snickers on the side.

    Hollywhite fucks up again.

  5. Plus the title's lame and she wore the exact same underwear in "The Losers." Sorry, Zoe.

  6. Michael Vartan is a lame, bland character actor with zero whip appeal.

    He's like Keanu Reeves, but unattractive.

  7. @ Amaya--- Damn, I forgot about Cougar from the losers. I'm bout to google the shit out of him...

    If this movie had a POC love interest I might be interested, I'm getting a little tired of Zoe but still like her 10x more than most other actresses her age. But they are definitely milking the Latina-not-black factor for all that it's worth, they did it in the Losers too. Hell, I know she's a black Latina so fuck them.

  8. He's like Keanu Reeves, but unattractive.

    LMFAO! Very apt.

  9. Ouch. Well, there's still hope for Citizen Jane this year. I want to see her other movies from this year like Burning Palms and the one about being a heart surgeon or something.

  10. Whitney Houston's rise to fame necessitated the white male paring as well. They cast her opposite Kevin Costner in, The Bodyguard. Vanessa Williams was cast opposite Arnold Schwarzenegger in a safe, sexless vehicle (Eraser) as her acceptance amongst whites grew.

    Poor, tragic Halle Berry gave her all in the film Monster's Ball to get her statue. You have to be a ‘team player’ by agreeing to do whatever is needed in a scene; even if it means shedding your dignity. Thandie Newton has been cast opposite the great Tom cruise and a few other white males. I guess if you’ve been deemed ‘Sexy’ by white folk ‘that alone’ can be seen as the crowning achievement of your career. Being cast opposite Denzel Washington or Will Smith won’t do it I’m afraid. If a black woman is cast opposite a white male she can say she’s made it. Especially is there’s a love scene. Yep, I agree with that Gibson guy.

  11. Come on everybody! When POC are killing POC there has to be a white voice of reason! *RETCH*

    The movie was looking great until I saw that both of her parents were portrayed as lighter skinned latinos and Mikey just sealed the deal. I'll catch it on a premium channel but no thanks.

  12. I've typed it before and I'll type it again...This is why I don't go to movies anymore...Well, it's another reason why I don't go.

    I gave up on Hollywood a while ago because they crank out the same crap while producing lousy films with no depth, no diversity, and no meaning with CGI hoping that will redeem them.

  13. Can't help but feel she is gettting a really crap deal out of this by casting her opposite someone who is as charasmatic as the stuff you use to hang wallpaper with ... Almost as if they are setting te whole project up to fail.

  14. @Erica:

    "Damn, I forgot about Cougar from the losers. I'm bout to google the shit out of him... "

    That scene where he helps Jensen get out of the skyscraper? PANTY-WETTING! Behold:

    If they had put him and Zoe together in this, it would be worth seeing.

    Okay, I'm done pimping Cougar.

  15. Yes, I hate she is being paired with a white guy, AGAIN. Yes, I find it annoying that she is acceptable merely because of her “less-black” heritage, but there are darker-skinned Latinas who never get to see themselves on-screen as Latinas, so I have to be excited about that. I’m too aware that this role could’ve been given to a lighter-skinned, more European-featured woman. I can’t expect Hollywood to get it right on the first try, but one thing I have to notice is that the film looks awesome, has a sexy star, and there’s no question that she is the star. If this film makes it, it’s proof that black women can carry a film. After all, no one else in the film carries more star power than her, not even the romantic interest, who as Ankh says, is made-for-TV.

    I’m sorry to hear the ball being dropped on this one, particularly because of the message it might send to the filming industry. This isn’t a tag-team operation between her and Vartan. She isn’t his romantic interest. And he certainly isn’t the star of the film. This is her film, her baby. Anyone who’s followed Saldaña’s interviews knows that she’s wanted to do an action film for awhile. And now she is. I have to support that. How often does a black actress actually get the types of roles that she wants, ESPECIALLY when that type of role is usually reserved for a non-black actress?

  16. [sits in a corner on a stool oogling shirtless pics of Captain Bland-as-Fuck Mr. Serves No Purpose on the iPad.]

    Hi schnookums, how are you doing this morning? Looking sexy as always. I'm eagerly looking forward to this season of Hawthorne. With your fine ass.

    [Notices that the discussion on the forum has ceased. Looking up to see everyone staring with the NEGRO IS U SIRIUS?!!!!! scowl of death].


    [Discussion board still giving the NEGRO IS U SIRIUS?!!!! scowl of death]

    [pulls at collar and chuckles nervously]

    Hey K. I love that blouse. It's stunning.
    M. Gibson, what's going on playa?
    Amaya, how you doing gurl? You looking fierce. Did you get your hur did?

    So what have ya'll been up to....oh shit!!!!

    [Discussion board proceeds to stomp a mudhole in Neo's ass and beats him with his iPad]

    ....ow...ow....pain....fine....be the way......to hell with all of......

    [notices Diego link and clicks]

    OH HELLO SCRUMP-DILLY-UMPTIOIUS!!!! It's been awhile.

  17. @Neo-Prodigy...
    M. Gibson, what's going on playa?

    That's very nice... and I'm fine sir thank you. I hope you are as well. This has to be the first time I think I've ever been called that. I don't get out much so maybe that's why.

  18. Hi schnookums, how are you doing this morning? Looking sexy as always. I'm eagerly looking forward to this season of Hawthorne. With your fine ass.

    *retches* I watched the pilot and halfway through I had to just stop.

    Is that show really still on?

    [notices Diego link and clicks]

    OH HELLO SCRUMP-DILLY-UMPTIOIUS!!!! It's been awhile.

    Notice Kuno while you're at it. I posted a new pic.

  19. Yes, I hate she is being paired with a white guy, AGAIN.

    Seriously. Guess Who, that movie with Orlando Bloom? they do that to PoC's all the time.

    How does Micheal Vartan get paired with hot actresses anyway? He's way past his prime and he's not that good looking to me or charismatic to me. I could see Adrien Brody IF they HAD to go with a white guy but not him!

    That was the best they could find for her?

    I hope that was a nice paycheck.

  20. Seriously. Guess Who, that movie with Orlando Bloom? they do that to PoC's all the time.

    Actually, that was Ashton Kutcher, another annoying member of the Unworthy Tribe.

    Which is another thing...I get BW/WM. I get that there are plenty of BW and WM into that - I do. But when pairing our women up with these men in film, it has to be done correctly.

    Zoe with Zachary Quinto? Sure. He's a respectable and gifted human being. Ashton Kutcher? No. Michael Vartan? No. No, no, no, no!

    Why not Johnny Depp? Tahmoh Penikett? (He's pretty). Justin Long? (Though I wonder about his ancestry). Jonathan Woodward? (It's a nerd thing). Adam Baldwin? (Again...nerd thing). Clive Owen? Tom Felton? Chris Eccleston? Charlie Hunnam? (It's all about the accent).

  21. The only explanation I could think of is that Vartan slept with the casting director.

  22. @ Student

    That was my initial thought as well. He had to suck someone's dick to get this role. There is no way he auditioned for it and won.

  23. Tahmoh Penikett? Jonathan Woodward? Clive Owen? Tom Felton?

    K LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK......so much so......

    [shoves Zoe out the way]

    What's up fellows? How are you all doing? Not all at once now! Oh who am I kidding? Bring it all on.

  24. @ Neo-Prodigy

    You know what they say. "Nerds of a feather...."

  25. @ Neo

    LOOOOL! I could just see that.

  26. Vartan has to be one of the most boring, milquetoast actors I've seen in quite some time. I guess a Black Woman hasn't arrived in Hollywood unless a white man is her leading man. Typical. I agree, if there needs to be a white dude, your list is quite good. Damn! Can he at least be compelling?

  27. Happens all the time in Hollywhite think about the former go to Black woman Halle Berry. When she was acting in "mainstream" Hollywood films all her love interests became white. From Boomerang to Monster's Ball.

    Same thing going on with Zoe Saldana now that she is mainstream all and I mean all her love interests from now on will be white.

    But I do like Zoe and it is nice seeing a Black woman in the lead of an action film

  28. Well in movies like this I hate when the female (usually a POC) they are always eye candy for the mainstreamed males. That's all the movie looks for now. (sex with a standard male and running around in underwear)

    I mean it has good potential to be different, a woman in a action movie. But it fails as a movie.

    How can it be different:

    A: No romance, but someone to look up to: I was watching The Professional (another movie from Besson) I liked how a hitman turns into a father figure for a little girl (not in a comedic way) that can work for this movie. A woman who parents was killed in front of her when she was a girl finds confort in caring a recently orphan child.

    B: No romance at all: If a male can get away with it why can't a woman?

  29. Uhhh I like Michael Vartan? I agree he's past his prime but I still like him. And I'll prolly still see this movie because I like Zoe and i like action movies. I want her to succeed.

    And man they never let black women go on a vengeance killing spree! I'm going to see it.

  30. @ Ankh

    "Seriously. Guess Who, that movie with Orlando Bloom? they do that to PoC's all the time."

    I think Student was talking about the low-budget film Haven. Halle Berry, at LEAST, got paired with some brothas early in her career. Zoe, however, has mostly been with white actors.

    "And man they never let black women go on a vengeance killing spree! I'm going to see it."


  31. Well while I would love for her male love interest to not be vartan, I think I will still see it. I have a lot of respect for Zoe and like her alot. Plus it looks like a decent action flick and women of color rarely get to headline movies, especially mainstream ones. Its funny how you say Michael Vartan is unworthy (I happen to agree) because when I saw the trailer in theatre two ladies made a comment about how zoe was paired with zachary quinto in star trek and how it made no sense that he would be with her and hopefully that mistake would be ended next time. and then said now she's with another white guy and it was" unrealistic" they were sitting in front of me and my friend and we were going to say something but figured it wasn't worth it.

  32. Well while I would love for her male love interest to not be vartan, I think I will still see it.

    I'll probably wait for it to come out on Netflix, where I can fastforward through all the Vartan-y parts and straight to the bloodshed.

  33. @ Syeira( i like the name ^-^)
    Yes. I thought it was Haven but I wasn't sure.

    At least Bloom was hot, until Zoe's character's brother threw acid in his face halfway through the movie.

    @ idiclove

    .....I'm sorry you had to hear that.

  34. @Neo,

    You are crazy, bruh!!! And yeah, I just recently got my hurh did, and I'm lookin' fierce, as always.

    I cannot stop laughing when reading your comments! Priceless!

  35. I won't see it in theaters, but I'll see it on-demand. Thing is, this Michael guy most likely won't be punished for the movie tanking- it'll be Zoe's neck on the line. This movie would probably be ace (or have a shot at it) if they'd let Zoe take things on a la Salt (or if she'd made them instead of asking for permission, a la Angelina Jolie). Ah, well- I will see it.

  36. Speaking of light vs. dark skinned Latinas; I'm pissed that whenever I mention how horrible Hollywood is with Latin representation, somebody will inevitably pull Cameron Diaz out of their asses. Of course she didn't get pigeonholed as the maid or the "saucy latina", she could PASS. Not to mention, she identifies herself as white anyway.


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