Men are Not Strictly Visual
|Julia Pace Mitchell. And yes, |
hetero men want some of this.
Um...no, they're not.
Now, I'm not going to weigh in on this too heavily because I'm not a guy and I can only speak from my experiences of interacting with men. My father in particular stressed to me that concerning heterosexual men of worth, a woman has to be more than what meets the eye. And the gay men I've known have been not so shallow with their tastes, despite the stereotypes.
While I've noticed that some men may start out judging only the visual, the moment their person of interest makes the wrong move, that pretty face/rocking body be damned. Men also want to be listened to, comforted, appreciated, and even occasionally rescued. And most men seek actual compatibility with a potential significant other. They want someone who will read their poetry, listen to their music, hold them in their darkest hour, and have their backs in a jam. More than simply being paired with an attractive mate, most men want to be loved and understood. Because as time passes, looks fade, and contrary to popular belief, men know good and well they need more than looks to be able to deal with the same partner for decades.
Remember what Chris Rock said about life not being short, but long? Especially if you make the wrong decision?
I for one have been thick, bony, everything in between. Men have never NOT been interested in Moi. Thanks to my father, I learned long ago that what truly draws people in are the intangible things: wit, personality, eloquence, experience, open-mindedness, fairness, kindess, and so on. Women alone are not attracted to this qualities. Women aren't the only ones seeking long-term companionship; in fact, I recall my former sociology professor Dr. Elena Ermolaeva quoting stats to our class which revealed American men tend to want marriage more than American women.
So I think some heterosexual women actually take comfort in the myth of male two-dimensionality. I think it's a form of psychological projection; these women themselves have nothing to really offer anyone (or merely think they don't), so they tell themselves nothing's really expected of them in the first place aside for a thin body (depending on the time period) and a pretty face. Not so. This is the 21st Century. Not every man is cozy with the thought of an uneducated partner who doesn't bring in a paycheck. This recession mostly likely killed off the last shred of that archaic belief.
There are, of course, other things to consider, some of them very simple. Some men need - not just want, but need - a woman who can cook. There's a reason for the old adage about the way to a man's heart being through his stomach. So if your ass is deliberately bony, rest assured it doesn't look good on your resume.
I invite male readers to speak up on this. Do you feel you are strictly visual? How do you feel when a man or woman assumes this about you? What do you look for when considering a partner for a serious, long-term relationship? What obstacles do you feel arise when people hang onto this sort of thinking?