**Reset Alert** I've gone through and deleted the least productive comments. I will be practicing much stricter comment moderation on these posts from hereon out.
For anyone wondering, this post is an attempt to analyze unhealthy BM/WW relationships from a PARENTAL standpoint. When you respond, it should be about KIDS and ethnic autophobia, and the variables which lead young black men to pursue white women for all the WRONG reasons. I'm not talking about black men who marry women like Elayna Monts, or who date women like commenters Joanna and Victoria...I'm talking about black men who marry women like "Girl" from Dude's adventures, or my white "fan."
Granted, we should all be talking about the Georgia Prison Strike, but alas...I can see that's not meant to be.
I want to once more thank "Dude" for sharing his adventures and personal history, as well as the all the knowledge I've gained from the overall experience. As I mentioned in a previous comment, I think the BM/WW issue in America has become so common that we oversimplify the reason the pairing became so widespread in the first place. It's easy to throw around terms like "conditioning". It's easy to pass it off as merely "lust", "fetishism", or even "autophobia." It's easy to say a word, but saying a word is not dealing with the issue.
When a black man like That Dude describes himself and his experiences, and you, a black woman, blows him off, congrats to you. You've asserted yourself. You've shown you're not one of those pathetic women "waiting" for your black prince. You probably already have a man anyway, a non-black man no less. You don't need a black man. So when one is letting you know his thoughts, history, and is talking about white women, you don't have to listen. You've heard this all before. He's not your man, so why should you care? You know he's conditioned; like a total weakling he's succumbed to the media, to his environment, and now things are coming back to bite him. So you tell him to "leave WoC alone", to keep his dysfunction to himself, and in so doing, you accomplish absolutely nothing.
Not everything pertaining to BM/WW is about strictly about dating. Just because you've "heard it all" doesn't mean you understand it all; there are areas of life you haven't considered yet because they don't pertain to you - yet. Many of you who read and comment here are young, either in college or fresh out of it. You're not raising teenaged boys of color. A lot of you who comment here and email me personally don't have kids. This is what I meant about "learning"; you may have learned all you need to know about how to avoid dating black men with white baggage, but you still have to learn how to avoid raising them.
I've met happily married black women who've found themselves raising black sons who only want white women. And when I meet these women, I've noticed a pattern. There's the shock; they were caught off guard because they thought they did everything right. They married a black man who was there for his kids and together, they provided for their family. They didn't argue in front of the kids. They surrounded their kids with positive imagery of black people. There's the hurt; these women feel wounded because they bore their sons, raised and supported their sons, sacrificed for their sons, and now their sons don't want women who look like them. And then there's the helplessness; when black mothers find themselves in this situation, words like "conditioning", "media", and "fetish" suddenly mean absolutely nothing to them. They name the problem, but they do not dissect nor dismantle the problem.
Black women, unless you adopt some white kids, your kids are going to be black, and you don't know which ones are going to be boys. You're not really sure how they may wind up on on the BM/WW train. In my post about autophobia, I talked about how this problem is more complex than people think. When a black man finds himself persistently pursuing a white woman he's not physically attracted to, doesn't find interesting, and thinks is an overall idiot with dormant racist tendencies, it's easy to blow him off when he's just some guy in the bar, or on the net, or at your job. But what about when he's your son? Your baby brother? Your nephew?
What do you do when the black male in question actually matters to you, depends on you in some way, and looks to you for answers? Do you just blow him off and tell him to leave WoC alone? Do you abandon him?