Stages of Modern Black Communication - Denial (1)

Peter Norton and Gwen Adams
Perhaps black people are in denial about some things concerning the BM/WW trend.  Gentlemen first, shall we?

"Driving Miss Daisy"

Black women have noticed some black men, when chasing whiteness, feel they need to throw black women under the bus.  They feel that in order to thoroughly impress white women, they need to adamantly denounce black women's features, behaviors, and overall existence.  These black men build up the idea that of course no one wants black women, not even black men, and they always stress that it's because there's something "wrong" with black women.

Some white women are immediately repulsed and creeped out by such behavior - as they should be.  They know something's not quite right with men who behave like this; even if they're not sure exactly why it's wrong, they realize at once it's not healthy.  Other white women, however, out of a need to feel superior, often buy into it and actually agree to go out with this type of man.

This always comes back to bite both sides, of course, for obvious reasons:

1) It's a myth; whites actually show a strong preference for non-white features, cuisine, fashions, and cultures overall (see next section for elaboration).

2) The myth is very easily shattered the second this type of BM/WW couple see a black woman on the arm of a non-black man (or non-black woman), particularly one who's successful and wealthy and could have any woman in the world.

Rain and Naomie Harris
in Ninja Assassin (2009)
Example #1: American billionaire Peter Norton left his white wife and college sweetheart, married a black woman, and has five children with her (see above).

Example #2: The Wachowski Brothers created an entire film solely because of their muse du jour, international Korean star Rain (Bi).  And when Rain actually agreed to sign on, he was allowed enormous input.  The role of his love interest "Mika Coretti" was initially written for a white woman, but when Rain signed on, the character was suddenly recast as a black woman.  For those familiar with his career, this came as no surprise.

Example #3: The Count von Habsburg of Austria married a Sudanese woman named Mary Nyanut Ring Machar, now the Countess von Habsburg (right). Members of the royal Austrian family objected, of course, but it got them nowhere. The couple has been married for over a decade now and have three children, each one carrying the title of Count/Countess.

And the list goes on...and on.

3) This is House Negro behavior.  It calls to mind Malcolm X's speech about the House Negro vs. the Field Negro, and how the House Negro loved Massa "more than Massa loved himself."  When a black man demotes black women in his mind, then in his speech, all to earn the favor of white women, he has sold his soul and the souls of all his ancestors right on down the river.

Brown Envy tanning lotion.
Brown Envy

As mentioned above, whites are attracted to non-white features and fashions.  Most whites are very open about this, and because of it, their preference is known seemingly to everyone...except for black American men.

Now, black American men actually do know this, of course, but to an extent they're in denial.  Remember, denial is a psychological defense mechanism the mind uses to "protect" a person from a potentially traumatic truth.  In the case of black men, these truths are:

1) The "white standard of beauty" isn't the standard of beauty, even amongst whites.  Thus the main reason it's  so widely advertised is simply to further white supremacy.  But by claiming to have helplessly succumbed to white media's wiles, black men are in fact  accomplices to the white supremacist agenda (see #3 above).

2) By chasing white women who long for black female features, black men develop a particularly disturbing brand of fetishism.  They want a black woman...who's white.  This indicates that they are not really chasing white women, but the institution of whiteness.  For them, the institution is "the standard", the ultimate goal, the pinnacle of achievement.  Which means black men like these are not only accomplices to the white supremacist agenda, but they actually agree with and revere it.

Divide and Conquer

When dismissed or criticized in any way by black women, black men often bring up the ominous "divide and conquer" strategy of the white supremacist agenda.  Usually, this is a tactic used strictly to avoid being held accountable for their own deliberate behavior, which is ironic because:

1) Obviously there's a divide-and-conquer agenda going on; no POC needs that pointed out to them.  However, dividing male POC from female POC is just phase one.  Hell, it's not even phase one; if the white supremacist agenda was laundry, the division of male and female POC would merely be the pre-wash cycle.  If you simply separate the men from the women - and then leave it at that - the two sides will just find a way to get back to each other.  Hence:

2) While black men drone on and on by the division by sex, they always fail to mention the division of self.  Divide a man from his ancestry, from his identity, from the support of his community, and he is your slave forever.  He will trust you first, and himself never.  He will have neither inner nor outer strength to draw from.  He will be a shell of a person, ever dependent upon you.  And the best part is, he won't even realize it's happening.

This is where the autophobia factor comes into play, by the way; this is its quintessential component.  If you separate a black couple only with space, they will climb walls, cross deserts, trek through mountains, and swim across lakes to be reunited - people have done this before.  But...if you leave them together, and merely redirect their attentions, then you can have millions of them in the same place at the same time, but each one will be effectively neutralized.

Always start with the male children.

Give them candy, Coca Cola, and guns.

Tell them secrets.
Teach them to doubt everything,
especially fathers and priests.
Show them what happens to men
who won't listen to reason
and necessity.

Take them to the grave of warm skulls.
Make them watch all the ways
for torturing a sister.

Do not trust them
too long with their mothers,
but do give them bread
and shoes for their feet.

 - Amy Uyematsu, "Lessons from Central America" (1998)

Black Female Desirability

This is a major one.  Many black men strongly resist the fact that black women are desirable.  This resistance is what I call the autophobic paradox; these black men want to believe they themselves are attractive, but that their female counterparts - who have the same eyes, noses, lips, skintones, and hair textures - are not attractive.  Black men tell themselves this because to them, black women are the Backup Plan.  If chasing whiteness - or Asian submissiveness, or Latina spice - doesn't work out, they like to think that there's a group of women who will always be waiting for them.  And for those women to always be available, they can't be desirable to anyone else.  And if no one else desires them, then black men can't desire them either.

Thus the Backup Plan Belief requires that black men ignore a few certain facts:

1) Black women are going to school longer and taking jobs where we meet an abundance of non-black men.  We're in classrooms and conference rooms and on business trips with these men.  Sometimes work and academics require us to travel outside our hometowns, even to cities abroad.  We're getting to know "new" men personally and professionally.  We're meeting men on our educational and occupational levels, and we're learning it's okay to date non-black men, so long as those men respect and treat us well.

2) Black women are extremely attractive, and everybody knows it.  White women are more honest than ever about wanting our lips, eyes, hair textures, and skintones; white men are more open than ever about their attraction to us, as are Asian and Latino men.

As for the knee-jerk "media argument", mainstream media is no longer popular media; online media is.  Switch off the TV, skip out on the movie theater, browse YouTube and the blogosphere instead, and you'll see everything white American media would prefer you didn't: educated, accomplished, attractive, and confident POC telling their own experiences, representing themselves as they should be.  You see the white aesthetic come under the criticism it deserves, and the aesthetics of color examined and fleshed out - finally.

3) Black women are now beginning to reject black men.  In the karmic irony of ironies, black women have decided that for a man to simply be black is insufficient; he has to be able to offer more.  Thus black women are beginning to "date out".  This was inevitable.  An attractive, educated, professional group of women with drive and ambition aren't just going to remain available forever; that's a highly unrealistic black male fantasy.  From the days of Hatshepsut to Nzinga to Sirleaf, to Obama (Michelle), we've proven ourselves consistently.  Lies and hype can only cover the truth for so long; after a while, it comes out.

And now, so have we.

~ Up's Black Women's Turn ~

In the meantime, long-winded comments on this series will be deleted. Get to the point, please.


  1. You really outdid yourself on this one! *gives you a round of applause* This particular section here I found to be extremely powerful and so true!: "2) While black men drone on and on by the division by sex, they always fail to mention the division of self. Divide a man from his ancestry, from his identity, from the support of his community, and he is your slave forever. He will trust you first, and himself never. He will have neither inner nor outer strength to draw from. He will be a shell of a person, ever dependent upon you. And the best part is, he won't even realize it's happening."

    Once again..great f*cking post!

  2. Nice breakdown. I know I wasnt the only one to catch onto Dude's bitter ass comment, especially the bit about how "our own men don't even like black features" WTF. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of BM with ABB(anything but black) Syndrome but c'mon now.

    He was merely projecting his racial inferiority complex onto BW. It was too obvious especially when he was so quick to busy out the "desirability" stats. I actually typed up a response to him but never posted it. I wasnt sure if he was
    trolling or just taking out his frustrations on BW here. I just let him go.

    Personally I don't think WP/WW want to look black but there are more than a few who wouldn't mind looking "ethnic". Also more and more are starting to appreciate African feature on women/people who are actually of predominately African descent.

  3. Replace the words "Black women" with "Asian men", "Black men" with "Asian women", and "white women" with "white men" and, for the most part, the post will still make sense.

    I do, however, have to slightly disagree with the idea that whites have a strong preference for non-white features. White women avoid Asian men like the plague.

  4. @ hunter

    That doesn't stop them from stitchin' in some Asian weave or kohling their eyes like Arabs.

    And we all know how straight white men & white lesbians feel about Asian women, or how many gay white men feel about Asian men.

  5. hunter said...
    "I do, however, have to slightly disagree with the idea that whites have a strong preference for non-white features. White women avoid Asian men like the plague."

    First it was the tanning beds, to give white people that dark ethnic-like glow. Then it was collagen injections to give white women those pouting ethnic-like lips. And now we have the Booty Pop , an add-on that gives white women bigger asses; much like The Bustle did for European women.

    “The bustle was a typically Victorian fashion. Although most bustle gowns covered nearly all of a woman, the shape created by the combination of a bustle and corset (accentuating the rump, waist, and bosom) resulted in highly idealized representations of female sexual identity, at once exaggerated and concealed by the structures of adornment. A notable comparison is with the exaggerated images of the South African woman known as "Hottentot Venus" exhibited throughout Europe in the first part of the 19th century.”

    White women will do anything to make themselves appear more exotic. This can only be done by embracing non-white features.

  6. I agree with the first part of hunter's post. I've even seen the same backlash that happened in your last couple posts on this topic in discussions about Asians and interracial dating and autophobia.

    Really love your posts. I'm learning a lot about issues in the Black community. And It's reminding me even more of how much POC's in America have in common.

  7. Pastor Ankh, you have preached better than any service I've heard on Sunday in a loooooong time. This is one Epic Post and should be read and read again.

    I don't have anything to add except to say, you have succinctly captured so many of my thoughts and feelings on this issue.

    Thank you for always telling the truth Ankh. There aren't many of us who do anymore.

  8. Great post Moi. Perfect breakdown. As in the words of Sexy, "I LURVE it!"

  9. Thank you, as always, for your fantastic and nuanced analysis of the things so many people know on some level but fail to put words to.

  10. This entry helps me on this issue a great deal.

  11. White women will do anything to make themselves appear more exotic. This can only be done by embracing non-white features.


    White women avoid Asian men like the plague.

    Until the Asian men in question look like Rain, or T.O.P., or JYJ, or Takeshi Kaneshiro...and then all of sudden they think Asian men "have no chemistry" in film or on stage with any woman who conveniently isn't white.

  12. @ Will

    Please elaborate. Were you struggling with something?

  13. I'll hold off on commenting until I read the whole series. Plenty of blogs have delved into the BM side of autophobia within the Black community, but not the BW side.

  14. I wrote about BM/WW and BW/WM relationships on my blog. I was trying to figure out why this is an issue with some black folks (including myself), and I wrote some explanations, but I know I've missed some points.

    I want to write more about this trend in future blogs.

  15. One other thing, I'm kinda struggling with the very reality itself. At one time I thought it was no big deal who anyone dates. I thought brothers hooking up with white girls and vie-versa was a beautiful thing and no big deal.

    Soon, I started asking questions and did a little research, but I was still unsatisfied. I wondered if this is a result of not just the history of our oppression, but the fact that we're still confined in this "white matrix." What was even more hard was finding solutions that have a good chance of working.

  16. @ Will

    I see what you mean. I've been reading your blog and you've got some really good stuff. The one about stereotypes really stuck out to me. I think it harmonizes with this post.

  17. "And we all know how straight white men & white lesbians feel about Asian women, or how many gay white men feel about Asian men."

    White people must really want Asian men to suffer. Apparently it's not enough to label us as unattractive to women, they also have to stereotype us as gay. I want to kill white people so badly.

  18. **comment moderation**

    Randy, get over it.

    POC are not conspiring to kill white people. In case you haven't noticed RIP category on here, white people are murdering POC and covering it up.

    So arm yourselves and "be ready" all you want, you're only going to end up killing one another. Fuck, it's what you already do. So instead of projecting your fears onto us, turn your eyes elsewhere and deal with trouble brewing in your own backyard.

  19. Since you're going for brevity, I'll get to the point. I'm relieved that you posted this to address or redress those self-involved 'Adventures of Dude' posts which may have been revealing or interesting for some, but just elicited boredom and impatience in me because the responses tended to focus on him as an individual, rather than branching into a wider, more fruitful discussion of the issues at hand. Like many other posters I started to respond to Dude but then shrugged and decided that I wasn't about to feed anyone's narcissism.

  20. I appreciate your frankness on this matter, I've wanted to explain this to my brothers and even some black male acquaintances who always brush me off as a "mad black woman".

    What really stuck with me is the prevailing societal delusion that black men are attractive yet their female counterparts are not. I've never been able to fully grasp how people, especially black men, buy into that.

  21. Power-full and powerfully articulated! You sure know how to hold up the mirror to our souls!

  22. Yes, I know I am a billion years late on this. I still had to post to say THANK YOU! You have written a pithy and accurate assessment of this phenomenon.

  23. Hi.

    A correction. Peter Norton's first wife, Eileen, was black. BOTH of his wives have been black.

    Second, he and his first wife divorced before he met Gwen Adams (Norton).


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