Stages of Modern Black Communication - Denial (1)
|Peter Norton and Gwen Adams|
"Driving Miss Daisy"
Black women have noticed some black men, when chasing whiteness, feel they need to throw black women under the bus. They feel that in order to thoroughly impress white women, they need to adamantly denounce black women's features, behaviors, and overall existence. These black men build up the idea that of course no one wants black women, not even black men, and they always stress that it's because there's something "wrong" with black women.
Some white women are immediately repulsed and creeped out by such behavior - as they should be. They know something's not quite right with men who behave like this; even if they're not sure exactly why it's wrong, they realize at once it's not healthy. Other white women, however, out of a need to feel superior, often buy into it and actually agree to go out with this type of man.
This always comes back to bite both sides, of course, for obvious reasons:
1) It's a myth; whites actually show a strong preference for non-white features, cuisine, fashions, and cultures overall (see next section for elaboration).
2) The myth is very easily shattered the second this type of BM/WW couple see a black woman on the arm of a non-black man (or non-black woman), particularly one who's successful and wealthy and could have any woman in the world.
|Rain and Naomie Harris |
in Ninja Assassin (2009)
Example #2: The Wachowski Brothers created an entire film solely because of their muse du jour, international Korean star Rain (Bi). And when Rain actually agreed to sign on, he was allowed enormous input. The role of his love interest "Mika Coretti" was initially written for a white woman, but when Rain signed on, the character was suddenly recast as a black woman. For those familiar with his career, this came as no surprise.
Countess von Habsburg (right). Members of the royal Austrian family objected, of course, but it got them nowhere. The couple has been married for over a decade now and have three children, each one carrying the title of Count/Countess.
And the list goes on...and on.
3) This is House Negro behavior. It calls to mind Malcolm X's speech about the House Negro vs. the Field Negro, and how the House Negro loved Massa "more than Massa loved himself." When a black man demotes black women in his mind, then in his speech, all to earn the favor of white women, he has sold his soul and the souls of all his ancestors right on down the river.
|Brown Envy tanning lotion.|
As mentioned above, whites are attracted to non-white features and fashions. Most whites are very open about this, and because of it, their preference is known seemingly to everyone...except for black American men.
Now, black American men actually do know this, of course, but to an extent they're in denial. Remember, denial is a psychological defense mechanism the mind uses to "protect" a person from a potentially traumatic truth. In the case of black men, these truths are:
1) The "white standard of beauty" isn't the standard of beauty, even amongst whites. Thus the main reason it's so widely advertised is simply to further white supremacy. But by claiming to have helplessly succumbed to white media's wiles, black men are in fact accomplices to the white supremacist agenda (see #3 above).
2) By chasing white women who long for black female features, black men develop a particularly disturbing brand of fetishism. They want a black woman...who's white. This indicates that they are not really chasing white women, but the institution of whiteness. For them, the institution is "the standard", the ultimate goal, the pinnacle of achievement. Which means black men like these are not only accomplices to the white supremacist agenda, but they actually agree with and revere it.
Divide and Conquer
When dismissed or criticized in any way by black women, black men often bring up the ominous "divide and conquer" strategy of the white supremacist agenda. Usually, this is a tactic used strictly to avoid being held accountable for their own deliberate behavior, which is ironic because:
1) Obviously there's a divide-and-conquer agenda going on; no POC needs that pointed out to them. However, dividing male POC from female POC is just phase one. Hell, it's not even phase one; if the white supremacist agenda was laundry, the division of male and female POC would merely be the pre-wash cycle. If you simply separate the men from the women - and then leave it at that - the two sides will just find a way to get back to each other. Hence:
2) While black men drone on and on by the division by sex, they always fail to mention the division of self. Divide a man from his ancestry, from his identity, from the support of his community, and he is your slave forever. He will trust you first, and himself never. He will have neither inner nor outer strength to draw from. He will be a shell of a person, ever dependent upon you. And the best part is, he won't even realize it's happening.
This is where the autophobia factor comes into play, by the way; this is its quintessential component. If you separate a black couple only with space, they will climb walls, cross deserts, trek through mountains, and swim across lakes to be reunited - people have done this before. But...if you leave them together, and merely redirect their attentions, then you can have millions of them in the same place at the same time, but each one will be effectively neutralized.
Always start with the male children.
Give them candy, Coca Cola, and guns.
Tell them secrets.
Teach them to doubt everything,
especially fathers and priests.
Show them what happens to men
who won't listen to reason
Take them to the grave of warm skulls.
Make them watch all the ways
for torturing a sister.
Do not trust them
too long with their mothers,
but do give them bread
and shoes for their feet.
- Amy Uyematsu, "Lessons from Central America" (1998)
Black Female Desirability
This is a major one. Many black men strongly resist the fact that black women are desirable. This resistance is what I call the autophobic paradox; these black men want to believe they themselves are attractive, but that their female counterparts - who have the same eyes, noses, lips, skintones, and hair textures - are not attractive. Black men tell themselves this because to them, black women are the Backup Plan. If chasing whiteness - or Asian submissiveness, or Latina spice - doesn't work out, they like to think that there's a group of women who will always be waiting for them. And for those women to always be available, they can't be desirable to anyone else. And if no one else desires them, then black men can't desire them either.
Thus the Backup Plan Belief requires that black men ignore a few certain facts:
1) Black women are going to school longer and taking jobs where we meet an abundance of non-black men. We're in classrooms and conference rooms and on business trips with these men. Sometimes work and academics require us to travel outside our hometowns, even to cities abroad. We're getting to know "new" men personally and professionally. We're meeting men on our educational and occupational levels, and we're learning it's okay to date non-black men, so long as those men respect and treat us well.
2) Black women are extremely attractive, and everybody knows it. White women are more honest than ever about wanting our lips, eyes, hair textures, and skintones; white men are more open than ever about their attraction to us, as are Asian and Latino men.
As for the knee-jerk "media argument", mainstream media is no longer popular media; online media is. Switch off the TV, skip out on the movie theater, browse YouTube and the blogosphere instead, and you'll see everything white American media would prefer you didn't: educated, accomplished, attractive, and confident POC telling their own experiences, representing themselves as they should be. You see the white aesthetic come under the criticism it deserves, and the aesthetics of color examined and fleshed out - finally.
3) Black women are now beginning to reject black men. In the karmic irony of ironies, black women have decided that for a man to simply be black is insufficient; he has to be able to offer more. Thus black women are beginning to "date out". This was inevitable. An attractive, educated, professional group of women with drive and ambition aren't just going to remain available forever; that's a highly unrealistic black male fantasy. From the days of Hatshepsut to Nzinga to Sirleaf, to Obama (Michelle), we've proven ourselves consistently. Lies and hype can only cover the truth for so long; after a while, it comes out.
And now, so have we.
~ Up Next...it's Black Women's Turn ~
In the meantime, long-winded comments on this series will be deleted. Get to the point, please.