"I Guess I'll Just Go that Way, Then"
|Makes me want to start smoking again.|
Him: "There's so many of them here, I guess I'll just go that way then."
Her: "Um, no...no, you won't."
It Doesn't Work That Way
If you're a white guy trying to date black women simply because there aren't any white women readily available, you've already committed a major fail. Just go right on ahead and prepare for it to blow up in your face.
We're not "the Substitute"
We're not a substitute for women. We are women. When you date a black woman, you're doing just that - dating a woman. Where dates, gifts, terms of endearments, respect and overall treatment are concerned, she has many of the same expectations as other women.
I've noticed that in film and TV, white male characters complain a lot about women "crying on them", how it's "blackmail", etc. At first I wondered why they complained about this so much; I don't see many male characters of color complaining about this. But that's when I remembered: white guys have to deal with WWT more than anybody else, and unsurprisingly enough, they're sick of it.
And while every POC in the Western Hemisphere can relate to that overwhelming wave of nausea, a white guy shouldn't think that if he dates a black woman, he'll never have to deal with a woman's tears again.
A black woman is not made of teflon and adamantium, as certain folks 'round here would say. She can cry, contrary to popular myth...in fact, I find it amusing (in a non-amusing way) that considering the history of this country, people are quick to believe something so ludicrous as a black woman's mythic inability to cry.
We're not the platonic friend with benefits
We're not "something to do right now"; nor is it our primary job to support you and build your self-esteem up until you meet the woman "you really see yourself with".
Desire is a crucial factor
White guys, if you want to go out with a black woman, it better be because you want that woman. You know her, you've spoken with her, you like her, and you have things in common. You think she's beautiful, and not "for a black woman." You dream about her, she raises your heartbeat, and you find yourself thinking about her for most of the day. You talk about her to friends and family all the time. You feel like if you dated, it could actually go somewhere.
If she doesn't make you feel this way, leave her the hell alone.
Race is a crucial factor
It's not a black woman's job to educate her white significant other about race. They should already be doing that on their own, and they need to have the fortitude to deal with the inevitable. If your family hates black people, it's your job to straighten them out before they ever meet a black woman you date. Do not subject her to an "ambush", and if your family is racist towards her in anyway, never take their side.
White women (as a group) are a factor
Black women have a saying: the more white guys a black woman dates, the fewer white female friends she has. Literally, white guys, the number steadily decreases over time.
White women don't like it; they don't "trust" black women who date white men. And white guys...don't bother bringing up the glaringly hypocritical white female obsession with black men - it doesn't register to them. In the mind of your average white woman, white women are supposed to be first choice, every time. And when the universe quite naturally disagrees with them on this, they cannot handle it. No joke, white guys; white women would rather you turn gay or be accidentally castrated than have you date black women.
For heaven's sake, they don't even like it when black men want black women.
So white guys, you'll eventually have to have a sit-down with white women to let them know they can't have everyone, and everything can't always be about them. It's an unrealistic expectation which inevitably brings about disappointment. Now...you may have to be an asshole about this, because they most certainly will be. I can't tell you how many times I've been out with a white guy and our date, dance, or even make-out session* was shamelessly hijacked by some white chick.
I don't go out with any of these men anymore (or white guys at all anymore, really); that tends to happen when white guys don't handle women like these swiftly and efficiently.
White women don't like it, so you may want to either memorize the phrase "Go away" or give up on dating black women right the hell now.
It's not all about sex
The man I mentioned up top propositioned both me and my coworker at varying times, and his main reason for wanting to have sex with black women was because "white women were crazy" and he was "getting sick of it." Naturally, she and I both shot him down; in fact, the night he propositioned me, I firmly redirected him to another woman. Meanwhile, my friend is happily involved with an older white guy who's much more mature than this dude.
Whatever myths you've heard about black women in bed, forget them. And no...what you've seen in porn doesn't count at as "research".
We're not a tool for revenge
Now that you realize dating a black women will make white female heads explode, don't start dating black women just to get back at them or to see how much drama you can stir up. This will get you dumped on the spot. Keep in mind: white women who try to crash your dates don't want you, not for themselves. They just don't want you to be with anyone else. Again, don't bother bringing up black men to them, because that precious little tidbit of glaring hypocrisy just will not register.
If you don't see a future with us, leave us alone
This is for black women as much as it is for white men. Hell, anyone can take this advice. If someone doesn't want to date you seriously because of the race issue, then when they don't ask you out or don't agree to go out with you, they've just done you a favor. It's a not platitude when people say, "No, seriously...you could do a lot better."
Suggested reading for guys like you
Just Like Me Couples
Jasmín, Llena de Gracia
*This is a serious problem, the point it's not even funny. I can't count how many times a white guy will be talking to me, and white women in the vicinity (professing to be friends of mine) will call him away. Or a guy and I could be kissing, and a white woman would come over and watch us until we paused to be like, "WTF?" while she fumbled for an excuse to pull him a way.
Seriously...my list of stories goes on and on. Black women, what are yours?