Myth and Realities of American Sex, a Guest Post

About the writer: Witchsistah is a commenter and writer of legend, both here and beyond the realm of Moi.  She previously contributed on the post "They Don't Care" and as expected, it gathered several comments almost instantly.  The following is taken from an email conversation, and is reprinted with her permission.

Myth and Realities of American Sex: What Women Must Contend With

I'm with RVCBard on the porn-fed imagination of the American male.

What does the average American male learn about women and sex from porn?

That women are always ready for sex. If we're not already horny, we can become aroused quite easily no matter WHAT the circumstances are. And all it takes is for the man to indicate he wants sex. Since women merely exist to service men sexually, she'd better comply anytime he wants.

That women are easily orgasmic. As I said before, not so much. For most women, it takes WORK for her to achieve that O and certain conditions have to already be in place before a woman can even become at ease enough to engage in sex. If she feels unattractive, especially if she believes her partner finds her unattractive in some way, she may not feel like having sex. If she doesn't feel safe (and I mean emotionally and mentally as well as physically) sex will be problematic. If she doesn't feel secure or that her needs will be met yet again, sex could be problematic. That doesn't mean she won't go through with it, but it won't be a fantastic experience for her. And I'm also not saying that the only way she can feel at ease is in a committed relationship.

From the first two porn-fed assumptions the comes the third, that woman therefore don't need much stimulation to get in "the mood." Meaning? That you don't really have to worry about doing anything for her. That's why the cunnilingus episodes in porn last like five licks. Sorry, but unless ol' girl is really revved up to the point she was about to pop anyway (which means her partner put in a LOT of prep work already), dude is gonna have to put in some WORK!

Which leads us to the idea that women all get off doing whatever it is their male partner wants them to do. Porn is made for men. Which is why most pornos are going to show hours and hours of blowjobs. Men love blowjobs. I'm not saying women don't like giving men blowjobs. There are plenty of women out there who get plenty turned on giving their man a bj and who love to do it. And then there's the minority that just ain't gonna do it. Don't like it. Don't see why they should be bothered.

But there are women who give their man a bj because they love that man and like to give him pleasure. It's not that they hate the act or think it "dirty" somehow. It just doesn't do that much for them. But they do it out of caring. I think that is most of the women out there. They'll do it but not for hours and hours as they show on porn videos (okay, it's not for hours but the ratio of minutes of licking the kitty vs. slobbin' the knob are disproportionally in favor of said knob).

Said women are also fine with doing whatever the man wants to do, no need for asking, consulting her or seeing if it's okay for her. Again, no need to ask her if there's anything SHE wants to do because...

Sex is only for men and therefore only for men to enjoy. Even a woman's enjoyment is simply a gauge to how potent a lover the guy is. Many women have had men get angry and pissy at them for not enjoying the sex they're having. Now wouldn't the better response be to stop and see WHAT SHE WANTS? Not if you merely see women as things to wipe your dick on or as servicers and entertainers of said dick. That woman not into the sex she's having with you is making YOU feel bad. And you're not fucking her to feel bad, dammit!

All sexual compatibility is instantaneous. There is no need to communicate a damn thing. Y'all just get in there and SMASH. This is analogous to what's fed women about love. If you HAVE to tell him/her or have them tell YOU what they want then it's not real.

And women all want the same thing. Most regular, non-fetish/specialty porn, shows the same acts and positions. It's the reason why so many women find porn to be so boring. Once you've gotten over the frisson of actually seeing two people doing it, you realize how utterly repetitive and unimaginative it is.

Which leads to the idea of never needing to change your sexual routine ever. As the quoted poster stated, as much as American men claim to be such freaks and down for whatever, dare to ask them to engage in a fantasy of yours however vanilla or to try a new technique or to touch you in a different way. And then wait for the pouting, frowning and general behavior of an eight year old made to eat all of his brussel sprouts. "Well, my other girlfriend(s) liked this!" "I've had no complaints so far!" (even though you may not even be complaining, just suggesting something different) they'll state filled with indignation. Or they may resort to slut-shaming, "You must be some sort of FREAK to want that!" "That's nasty!" "You must have been molested or something because that's only sometime an abuse victim would want." Nope, they want the stroke they finally mastered at 20 to be the only one they use for the rest of their sexual lives AND have each and every woman be perfectly satisfied with that.

It's like being served the same meal the same way everyday and then the chef getting pissy when you suggest a change in the menu and then even moreso when you indicate you no longer want to eat in his restaurant.

Oh, and the last lesson learned from American porn, if your woman doesn't follow all of the above rules, then she's a frigid, cockteasing, cold-hearted and twatted bitch that wants to keep your dick and balls in a mason jar under the sink, especially if she commits the crime of not being in the mood or *gasp* outright denying you sex at the moment you want it. If she requires you to take into account HER sexual needs at all, she's an overbearing, control-freak cunt or she's a damaged, abnormal slut because your dick alone should be good enough for her.  If she DOES follow the lessons of porn then she's a degraded whore whom you can treat like a sexual toilet.

Gee, I wonder why so many American women have problems with the "free-wheeling sex" deal?

I bet all those Americans going to Brazil for ass are bringing the same whack ass sex game they used in America. They think they're doing something because those Brazilian chicas are telling them they're the shit because they're trying to empty dudes' wallets. And the gringos are thinking that the Brazilian women's "responsiveness" is proof that THEY are not the problem, but evil, designing, American bitches are.


  1. ot if you merely see women as things to wipe your dick on or as servicers and entertainers of said dick.

    *shakes head* Only Witchsistah.

    It's like being served the same meal the same way everyday and then the chef getting pissy when you suggest a change in the menu and then even moreso when you indicate you no longer want to eat in his restaurant.


  2. Holly Steel11/2/10, 2:57 PM

    "okay, it's not for hours but the ratio of minutes of licking the kitty vs. slobbin' the knob are disproportionally in favor of said knob"

    I liked this line so much.

    Great post, Witchsistah - it was funny and realistic (well I'm a virgin so I can't really vouch for the second one) at the same time.

    "I bet all those Americans going to Brazil for ass are bringing the same whack ass sex game they used in America."

    Oh my God, the moment I read this line I was reminded of this stupid video made with Arnold Schwarzenegger about Rio de Janeiro and it was basically just slobbering over Brazilian girls in a gross-sounding way. Pretty much every Brazilian who commented said something along the lines of "That's not how Rio is."

  3. *holds up a sign*


    *starts flirting with a cute trans woman who reminds me of You Know Who*

  4. Ahh thank you, Witchsistah, for reminding me about why I'm not impressed with American men. I will be getting my foreign man very soon if everything goes well. This just makes me even MORE anxious :)

  5. And then when THEY get bored of the tired ass sex that THEY INSISTED ON, three guesses who's gonna get blamed for not bringing something new and exciting to the bedroom.

    And when their asses step out on the relationship looking for something "new" and "exciting" it's gonna be the woman (or in my case the gay male) who will be blamed for not satisfying their stunted sexualities.

  6. "Many women have had men get angry and pissy at them for not enjoying the sex they're having."


  7. this right here, this shit right here is the truth

  8. @Neo:

    Inorite! (Most) straight men have zero fucking imagination. My fantasies in a given week are more creative than the entire output of 99% of porn in the entire year.

  9. Neo,

    According to a certain poster on another blog I no longer frequent, that's EXACTLY what said men do. They engage in sex tourism blaming the usually Western women at home for "forcing" them to seek out and exploit Third World women.

    He also stated that men EVERYWHERE got issues with "New Women." Women who have their own education and jobs and no longer need a man to provide them with food, clothing or shelter after mom and dad kick them out of the house. They no longer need to go from daddy's house to hubby's. A dude can no longer court a girl with the caveat of "It's either me or the street" in the background. More and more women nowadays only need men for sex, companionship and making babies. And we only need the MATERIAL for the latter. If we got good enough jobs, we can raise them by ourselves.

    Basically men need to step up on the companionship and sex portions or they'll find themselves obsolete. And many American men are falling short on that. That's why we got conservative men railing against the gains feminism has made for women, including the whole tirade of feminism making fathers and fatherhood unnecessary. There has been a constant backlash against feminism and plain ol' women's rights since the second wave's inception. Why? Because many American men WANT to go back to the good ol' days where all they have to do is show up willing to marry a chick ("It's either me or the street") and hold her hostage economically. That way they don't have to be decent companions or sex partners. The women'll take what they give and like it, dammit!

    This is something men all over the world are experiencing. I remember reading articles in the 1990s about how the marriage rates in Japan was declining because the women didn't wantn to be bothered marrying a Japanese man who expected the wife to take over where mommy left off. The women were making more money and therefore could afford their own homes/apartments, cars, clothes and luxury items without financial help from a man. Thus, they were less inclined to take their men's bullshit. This is a phenom seen in places where women's rights and position has been elevated and women are allowed to be financially independent.

  10. The gainful employment and education of women is killing polygamy in Africa.

  11. Also, I feel, and I'm talking about straight folks here, that women want rich emotional lives and deep emotional sharing in their deeply intimate relationships and not just romantic/sexual but deep friendships as well. What many American women encounter in American men is an emotional dessert where all we get out of him is some form of angry, hungry, horny or sleepy. What has been the running joke from male comedians since the 70s? That women are always nagging men about their feelings. That women always want to TALK to men (usually about their feelings), the implicatioin being that emotional sharing was a huge, unfair burden for men that women were unreasonably demanding. Usually the [male] comedian goes on to state that "men are simple creatures" who require only food and sex.

    Basically, men want utilitarian relationships with women while women want emotionally rich relationships with men. Men want women to cook and clean for them and then sex them when the men want. And then, American men want to be left alone until the next meal or bout of sex. For a woman that wants a rich, deep emotional relationship with the man she loves, that sounds utterly sterile. But if all dude wants is a utilitarian relationship then that's what he'll get only SHE will be utilitarian too. You want me to be your maid and sex object without ANY emotional sharing? Fine, then you'll be my bank account and wallet. If all I am to you is a maid and a fuck toy, then all you'll be to me is the mofo who pays my bills.

    And that's when those men whine and cry about golddigging, conniving American whores, blah, blah, blah. They want American women to do all the emotional work in the relationship. They want to receive love from women but not GIVE any. THey want women to stroke their egos without any give-back with emotional sharing. And they want women to do all of this basically and ask for nothing or nothing much in return.

    American women have been calling bullshit on that for almost half a century. Men want women to make them feel like MEN then they're going to have to make women feel like WOMEN and engage emotionally. Yeah, most straight American men are utterly out of their depth when it comes to that. But as with any new skill, all it takes is practice.

    If they don't want to do this, then prepared to be declared obsolete and watch American women start looking for more suitable suitors abroad. Thanks in great deal to the internet, the world is a LOT smaller now.

  12. Right, Ankh. When you don't need a man to give you food, clothing and shelter, there's a lot you're not going to put up with simply because you don't have to! That's why abusive men make their victims utterly dependent upon them, especially not allowing them access to money even if they have a job. That and keeping a woman pregnant and tending children are the best ways to trap a woman.

  13. And it's the same thing with many BM complaining that the evil feminism has ruined BW. Yet again, when women can get a decent education, decent jobs and can take care of themselves, they don't need to put up with men's bullshit to provide them with three hots and a cot.


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