Black Women...*shakes head*...I Still Don't Get It

From an email to Moi:
"Why oh why are ---- and ---- at -----'s arguing with BW haters and trying to convince them that BW are attractive? No minds are going to be changed. All you can do about those folks is pray they keep the hell away from BW in 3D. I mean totes keeping our names out their mouths. Let ---- and his ilk chase all the WW they want so long as they keep away from us."
I've noticed this and I'll be honest...it annoys the ever living ish out of me.

I mean, seriously, black women...a guy/girl writes a post/comment/what-have-you extolling our beauty.  Several black women show up and predictably co-sign (fuck, I've done it...black folks saying we're beautiful is the goddamn natural order of things...*shrug*).  But then a bunch of other people show up to derail the original post, say black women are unattractive, yada yada yada, and black women emerge in force to "defend our honor" rather than 1) ignore the obvious trolling, or 2) ask the OP why the hell such comments are allowed in the first place and flood his/her inbox with fever, demanding a change in comment policy.

We've had this conversation.  And it's precisely why I tend to focus so much on the insecurity issue; it makes some of us defensive when we need not be.  The emailer from above has a good point: you're not going to change any minds.  They're trolls.  They didn't come to "learn" anything or change their minds about anything.  They're there to fuck with you, because they know they can - that too, by the way, is a conversation we've already had (admitted, I'm not the one who started it).

Seriously, black women...tell me why?  What makes you think responding to a troll is a smart thing to do?  What about that whole scenario just screams "brilliant idea"?  Why is it so hard for some of us to *blink* and move on?

And before people start dropping the "we're not all strong like you" bullshit with me, let's get something straight.  This isn't a "strength" issue, and weakness isn't something you defend anyway.  This is a rationality issue - don't get it twisted.  You are engaging in a heated debate over your looks with people you don't know and whom you are not fucking - why oh why?

What do you expect to accomplish, exactly?  Tell me.  If you think it's a "saving face" issue, it's not.  No honor is defended by bickering with a troll.  You want to show the world black women aren't helpless or undesirable or unaccomplished?  Then be none of those things - duh.  Get your ish together and represent.  If the vitriol pours across the net, it's hateration, and the more, the motherfucking better - haters are a goddamn confirmation.

The problem, in my opinion, is narrow vision.  One, these women think they need to have a man.  Strike one; first shot in the foot right there.  Two, they think he has to be from America, for some goddamn reason.  Three, they think they themselves need to stay in America, for some goddamn reason.  Um...no.

...'cause you know you've been defeated when you bend over backwards to be treated like ish.  Black women, I can understand white women wanting to marry American and stay in America (I mean, not really, but I sorta kinda get the gist).  I can understand Latinos and Native Americans wanting to stick around: it's their fucking country.  But what I don't get is [some of] our continued toleration of the devaluing we experience in America.

About 7-8 of every 10 black women I meet in person always express either the desire or a concrete plan to move abroad.   All of them are educated; those who have graduated have professional careers. This is not a coincidence.  This is progress.

So get with the program already and start being happy.  Wouldn't you enjoy that for a change?

Comments

  1. I usually dont engage trolls but every once in a while I cant help myself. Its not even about trying to change minds just letting people know that their reality is THE reality...

    But yes, I know, at the end its futile...

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  2. And this (among many other reasons) is why I LOVE reading your blog.

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  3. As soon as I see the types of comments your are talking about I bounce out the thread there is no point of me engaging in that bullshit.

    Like on that Abagond post I haven't clicked on it since my last post no point I know they are a bunch of trolls there and I don't need to waste my time trying to convince them of that. I know I am fine.

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  4. I treat trolls like I would in real life: If a hater comes to me with all sorts of bull, I may get extremely aggravated, but I don't let THEM know that. Knowing I'll go off (and come off as an insecure crazy **tch) I literally turn on my heel and WALK AWAY. In the opposite direction. I simply don't deal with the mess, and in my mind, hopes that hater CHOKES on their haterade.

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  5. I literally turn on my heel and WALK AWAY. In the opposite direction. I simply don't deal with the mess, and in my mind, hopes that hater CHOKES on their haterade.

    That's all I'm saying.

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  6. Just this afternoon, I was on a Natural Hair blog where the post of the day was on a male friend (race unspecified) who didn't fail to let the woman know that natural hair is 'ghetto' whereas long, bone-straight hair is 'classy and sophisticated'. He even decided not to date a certain woman when he learned her straightened hair was as a result of heat and not relaxer.

    Now this got a lot of the posters up in arms, but I couldn't be bothered to be angry. As I said in my own reply, 'haters gonna hate'.

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  7. "You are engaging in a heated debate over your looks with people you don't know and whom you are not fucking - why oh why?"

    I really, really love this quote.

    "I can understand Latinos [...] wanting to stick around: it's their fucking country."

    I don't understand this sentence. What do you mean by "this is [the Latinos'] country"? I'm "latina" (Cuban, though I consider myself Hispanic) and the United States isn't "my" country. The only thing Latino people have in common is a common heritage with Spain, and the Spanish colonized a huge part of the Americas so I wouldn't say that Latino people "own" any part of the continent. Even if you mean Latinos that are mixed as many are, I don't understand how that makes the United States "their" country. Wouldn't their country be whatever their country of origin was?

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  8. I should've clarified "continent", not country. My point is: not my continent...not my debate.

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  9. @ Peta yeah I don't understand Natural hair sites posting those "what do men think topics" and all the fretting that goes on when some random dude does not approve of our afros. I mean fucking me is privilege, what I look like stressing out over what some guy thinks of my hair? He should be the one trying to impress me.

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  10. I mean fucking me is privilege, what I look like stressing out over what some guy thinks of my hair? He should be the one trying to impress me.

    Ding ding ding ding ding - we have a winner!!!

    Bow to your MG-sensei.

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