POC...Leave the Ethnic Autophobes Alone

From a psychological perspective, autophobia (self-hatred) is quite fascinating.  While autophobia itself is not seen as mental disorder per se, it's a prerequisite for some of the big ones (looking at you, dysmorphia).  Now, from a social perspective, ain't nothing remotely fascinating or funny about, say, ethnic autophobia.

Colorism is quite the hot topic amongst some groups of color, isn't it?  I keep running into blogs and vids beseeching POC of certain groups to stop hating themselves, hating their origins, and praying some day they'll be able to whiten out any telltale trace of black, Chicano, or Asian in their unborn descendants.  I can't count how many times I've watched people on YouTube go off about some shithead self-loather who bashed a really dark-skinned woman, or some POC who moves heaven and earth to strictly date white people, or at least very light-skinned people.  I have read argument after argument used to try to "turn" self-haters.

Fashion tip from Moi: it's never going to work.

Autophobia isn't something that's going to be "cured" with words, or meds, or church, or even therapy (gasp).  You won't make a person truly "convert" by yelling at them, or shaming them, or raking them over the coals, or threatening to disown them.  To keep it short and sweet, darlins': if someone's an ethnic autophobe, there's not a damn thing you can do to change themThey have to want to change, and they will do so on their timetable.

On that note, I'll leave you fine folks with a parable:

A long time ago, in a galaxy not-so-far away, there were two slaves working on a plantation.  Now, the first slave believed that within in time, if he maintained good behavior and proved himself, he would some day be promoted to working in the house, and then maybe even coachman.  Satisfied with the dream of wearing fine velvets and looking sharp, the first slave resolved himself to accomplish it.

The second slave, on the other hand, just wanted to get the hell out.

However, the second slave was very fond of the first slave, and vowed they'd run away together.  So the first day after he committed himself to this plan, he suggested fleeing to the first slave, who replied, "Hush with that!  I'm gonna work my way into the house, and then work my way into being a coachman."

Appalled, the second slave was rendered speechless until the second day, when he gave his friend a few well thought-out arguments on the side of fleeing.  The first slave replied again, "Hush with that!  I'm gonna work my way into the house, and then work my way into being a coachman."

Horrified, the second slave spent the night coming up with a well-rehearsed tirade which he launched at his friend the third day.   To which the first slave, getting miffed now, replied, "Will you shush already?  I'm gonna work my way into the house, and then work my way into being a coachman."

Day after day came and went, and each time, the second slave kept trying to convince the first slave to run away with him.  Each day ended without success, and in time the first slave ceased thinking of the second slave as his friend.  But the second slave became so focused on liberating the first slave, that in time he forgot his about own freedom and ended up stuck on the plantation, working alongside a man who no longer even liked him, and making Massa rich all the while.

Comments

  1. *clap*
    *clap*
    *clap*

    BTW, I have more case studies for your drapto files! :D

    Here and here.

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  2. It truly is heartbreaking. All we can do is to keep making the world a better place so that no more children will grow into that self-hatred.

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  3. Thanks, guys!

    @ RVCBard

    Why, thank you. I'm actually in the process of retiring the drapto files in accordance with the new direction of my blog (trying to focus more on POC), but just out of curiosity...which one commenter in particular where you talking about for the first link?

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  4. Thunderous applause!!!!

    There was a time when I felt the need to enlighten folks that I came across who suffered from this disorder but the pursuit of their enlightenment was always short-lived because my patience was always SHORTER! Go figure.

    I resolved myself to leading by example-- living my life authentically-- and that was the best I could do for the lost folks.

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  5. @Ankhesen:

    Let's just say it begins with a lowercase p and has numbers in it.

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  6. You rock Ankh! This needs to be said and said often. The struggle for identity is a very personal thing.

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  7. @ RVCBard

    Let's just say it begins with a lowercase p and has numbers in it.

    I'm not seeing it for the first link. Was it in one of the others?

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  8. Sorry. I shouldn't comment when I'm tired. Start at comment #34 and read on down.

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  9. honestly you can't save some people, I know people think I'm selfish and I'm supposed to be the strong black woman out to save everyone but I can't change a life time of programming and dysfunction with a 2 minute comment

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  10. I know people think...I'm supposed to be the strong black woman out to save everyone

    I've been thinking about doing a post on that. I'm gonna take your comment as a sign.

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  11. Can they leave us alone too? I tell you, some people are just waiting to take every statement I say about "people" as some commentary on their Blackness. Thou doth protest too much indeed.

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  12. @ Jasmin

    Why would they do that? You know how they need someone to constantly justify themselves to.

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  13. Jasmin,

    They'll keep bothering women like you, me and Natasha because they think all Blacks who are in romantic interacial relationships, especially with Whites, participate for self-hating reasons. That's why THEY would be in such a relationship after all! They think, "Oh! You're with a WM/non-BM. You must hate your Blackness like I hate mine!"

    The fact that you can be in an interracial relationship, yup, even with WP, and not be a bootlicking Uncle Tom/Aunt Jemima is lost on a LOT of folks.

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  14. The fact that you can be in an interracial relationship, yup, even with WP, and not be a bootlicking Uncle Tom/Aunt Jemima is lost on a LOT of folks.

    Indeed. I don't think they understand quite how that works.

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  15. Witchsistah,

    You know we're just trying to keep all the "White menz" for ourselves.

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  16. Not to mention, queer and trans Black women don't exist. But even if we do, we're not really women.

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  17. RVCBard,

    Wanna do a guest post?

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  18. Jasmin,

    Yup we're just gonna keep 'em all in our own private male harem. No other BW will be able to have access*.


    *I got dibs on Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner though. What? They some hot, old, White men. Don't judge me!

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    Replies
    1. Patrick Stewart is sexy as HELL!

      Delete
  19. I probably shouldn't, not at this point. I have to get my life together first, but if an idea for a post comes up, I'll be sure to let you know.

    ReplyDelete

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