This is a Pygmy Service Announcement. Stop everything you're doing and pay attention.
Note: Lesbians, this post is not directed at you, though it may or may not apply in your world (if it does, let me know). If you have no sexual interest in men whatsoever, by all means...more power to you. So rock on, my Sapphic sisters; rock on.
Hetero gals, on the other hand...we need to have a little chat.
As we are all hopefully aware, the "Comfort Shop" is closed. The 21st Century black woman will no longer be playing the role of the sassy, supportive best friend who's sole purpose in life is to selflessly take care of everyone else in their lives, white women in particular - fuck that. Those days are over, or at least rapidly coming to an end. And ladies, if you see any films portraying this outdated bullshit, boycott that shit, and write the actress of color to let her know you feel let down.
But I digress....
White girls aren't the only ones who want a "strong black woman" to take care of them. American men in general seem to want that too. They want to come crying to you when some other girl doesn't want them. They never want to talk about you. They never want to know what's going on in your life. In their minds, you're their therapist and it's your sworn duty to listen to them talk about themselves and their problems all day. These are the losers who sit with you at the bar, not buying your drinks, and audaciously pointing out to you all the "hot" women they want to bang. When you ask them to go talk to said women, they start with that, "I can't; I'm shy around women" bullshit. When you point out you're a woman, they give you the "You're different, you're special, you're precious" speech which, you should know by now, is utterly meaningless. They then launch into a self-deprecating yet self-indulgent spiel in hopes you'll ply them with compliments and encouragement to build up their confidence. With their egos freshly stroked, they then go after some other woman. Freshly rejected, they come right back to you.
Do they realize they're fucking up your vibe and chasing away potential suitors? Some do, some genuinely don't - but neither really care. So don't be shocked whenever they show possessiveness towards you or jealousy towards a guy who's interested you (or whom you've shown interest in), but don't be fooled by it either. Don't think it gives you leverage in your "relationship" or that you can manipulate their feelings to your advantage - you can't. They don't want you. They want you to want them. They see your being independent, desirous of others, and desirable to others as an inconvenience.
Kick them to curb. STAT.
When they're into another girl, you two are "best friends" with a "special friendship" they don't want to ruin with sex. But when they're lonely, miserable, and feeling down on themselves, they suddenly want to have [very unimpressive] sex with you. Uh...no. You're not a damn bed-warmer, ladies.
Black women are not the only women who find themselves in this position, obviously; but we do tend to find ourselves in this position more often than other women and for the longest periods. We're often landed in this position because American society touts this asinine notion that black women are great listeners and caregivers and you can walk up to them, unburden your woes, and never even have to ask their names. Uh...no.
For some black women, it's difficult to avoid such - and I use this term loosely - "friendships" because they can be established as early as middle school. Most become ensnared because they don't know how to look for red flags. And some get stuck because they fall for manipulative psychology when they do try to assert themselves and break away.
So naturally...Fashion Tips from Moi.
Know Your Red Flags
The old adage pretty much rings true; unless they're gay, men don't track down a woman and keep her close because they want to be friends. Don't get excited when he asks for your number; there's still much to be seen. So if you and a man are "talking", and he doesn't ask you out on a real date within the first week (and that's a longer than you'd imagine), congrats...he's waving a red flag.
However, within the first week, if he invites you out, but doesn't tell you how beautiful you look, doesn't pay, doesn't try to get to know you at all, talks an awful lot about himself and his problems and other women...guess who? Red flag.
Feel free to walk out, by the way. Do not pass GO, and do not ask, "Did you really invite me out for this?", because all you'll get is, "Well...I'm sorry if I offended you. That wasn't my intention. I just thought you were cool and easy to talk to and thought you might want to get to know me a little better...."
Establish boundaries from the get-go. If a week passes and he's not expressing romantic interest, but always needs a ride somewhere, or always wants to borrow a few dollars, or copy your notes from last week's class, or talk to you about his girl problems, or get you to cover for him at work, and other such unattractive behavior, create and maintain strict distance immediately. Delete his phone number if you have it and avoid him like the plague he is.
He may or may not ask you what "the 'tude is all about", so if he does, tell him 1) It's not 'tude; it's standards, and 2) You're not getting the romantic vibe off him, and you're not interested in being some guy's platonic friend. You've got girlfriends for that, so he needs to go find him some guy friends.
Now, ladies, brace yourself...'cause this is normally where the passive aggressive bullshit erupts. They start asking dumb-ass questions like, "How do you know I'm not into you? For all you know, I could've been working up the nerve to ask you out."
For Women Already in This Sitch
Duh, get out! Now! And don't fall for the, "We're special/we're not like anything else/this is a modern time/ you mean so much to me/for all you know I could fall in love with you some day" bullshit - fuck that. Run. Tell him that's nice and all, but you're unsatisfied with this unhealthy-as-hell arrangement and you need to move on. Delete phone number, change locks, and focus on you for a change.
Depending on the man, he may not give up easily, so it's best to not to take his calls or emails - delete and move on. Some will say some dumb shit like, "You're better than other women" and "We're closer because we're not romantic (please, that's a girl's line)" and even try to convince you that if you're not being desired, complimented, or shown chivalrous treatment of any kind, it's because you "matter more."
Like I said...run.
And Ladies...Don't Fall for the Lonely Guy with the Broken Heart
That's some other woman's mess, so let that bitch bring her ass back and clean it up her damn self. If you see a guy sulking at a party or drowning his woes somewhere or sitting on a park bench with his head hanging down or whatever - dodge that motherfucker. If he's lonely, there's probably a good reason for that (granted, not always, but still...not your mess). Either he got dumped for reasons you do not give a shit about, or the people who actually do know him can't stand to be around him. Either way...bounce.