This was shared with me on the "Shattered Pedestal" post. A certain blogger of color had an experience with what some POC refer to as a WAP, or "White American Princess". If you're not sure what that is, read "Shattered Pedestal".
Basically, the WAP entered the bar the blogger was at dressed like a skank. She talked/flirted with him for - by his own estimate - about 10 minutes. After that, the WAP's friends descended en masse and swept her out of there. But...the WAP left her phone, so the blogger contacted her via Facebook the next day to return it to her.
Their conversation? *shudder*
Blogger of Color: Have you lost your cell?Ewwwwwww...so not kosher, guys.
White American Princess: YES!!!! YOU FOUND IT? A RED CRAZER???? THANKS SO MUCH!! I can pick it up!!! Where, When works for you???
BOC: Do you know who I am?
WAP: Um, no sorry…
BOC: Hmm..So, do you want it or not?
WAP: yes please!!! I can pick it up, where/when works for you?
BOC: what is in it for me, leopard nightie gal with 7 tattoos? PS- You left it in front on me when we were talking at xxxxx xxxxxxx, and then your “friends” dragged you out. Did they at least drop you home?
WAP: Hahahaha the joy of knowing that you helped me out… ;)
BOC: ya sure…
WAP: come on
BOC: what..BTW you ‘friends’ were texting you a lot this morning.
WAP: Can I please come get my phone? :)
BOC: Sure.. come in your getup from yesterday. It caught my attention.
WAP: Hahaha! We were doing the underwear affair before and came straight to our friends birthday
BOC: Believe me I saw a lot of you.. and you are a big girl. When we talked for about 10 minutes, you actually came across as pretty friendly- compared to your ‘friends’.
WAP: I don’t really know what to say to that. Can I please get my phone?
BOC: It is not that you don’t know what to say. You are just full of yourself.. though less than your friends.
WAP: I am not really sure why you are insulting me. I am sorry if I offended you but I would really appreciate it if I could get my phone
BOC: What is in it for me? Why should I care? Can you not read between the lines?
WAP: I remember talking to you. I thought you were friendly as well. I am sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. We were dressed up for the charity event we had just come from. I do not usually dress that way. I am not that kind of person.
BOC: So what kind of person are you? and what wrong idea did you give me?
WAP: I am a student. I don’t know what idea I gave you about me other than that I came to the bar in that outfit which could give anyone the wrong idea I guess
BOC: You know, I am not into chubby gals.. but I did like you.
WAP: Thanks. Can I please get my phone?
BOC: Can you read between the lines? or you don’t want to?
WAP: I know exactly what you are saying. I thought I was clear in my response. If you are not willing to give me my phone that is your perogative. Please just tell me either way.
BOC: In that case, I hope you have backed up your phone numbers/contacts/etc. You see, I have no duty to return lost stuff. As far as I am concerned, it may already be in a trash bin… as I do not keep someone else’s stuff on me. Bye.
What the Guy Did Wrong
The comments which follow the blogger's post give some additional insight, but nothing to justify his behavior whatsoever. This.Was.Not.Cool - period. For one, it makes the blogger out to be a pig. After ten minutes of talking to a woman, he expects sex? Seriously? And if he doesn't get it right away, he tries to weasel it out of her by hanging onto her phone?
Ewwwwwwwww. Show of hands, ladies: which one of you would sleep with some weirdo you left at a bar just to get your phone back?
That's what the hell I thought. Moving on....
Secondly, this whole scene makes the blogger sound conflicted. For one, his own comments illustrate he doesn't really care much for white people ("It is they [white people] who need to build a bridge, as demographics and the direction of technology is not in their favor", etc.) and yet he went to an awful lot of trouble to try to bed a white girl.
And for two, he says he doesn't like "chubby girls" and yet again...an awful lot of trouble. He later clarifies the WAP is size 12-14, which by the way, is normal for your average, healthy, fully developed woman; in other words, 12-14 is not "chubby"....though "thick" applies quite nicely.
Thirdly, this whole fiasco makes the blogger look desperate...and I cannot stress to you just how unattractive that is. Rule #1: always maintain self-respect. Forget other people's respect; have yours firmly established first. There was zero self-respect here. Hell, the WAP who walked into a bar wearing lingerie and playing a tease ended up with the most self-respect here (though not much, mind you).
She up and left amidst their conversation. She didn't tell her friends to back off, she didn't take the time to exchange numbers with the blogger, she didn't do anything to ensure she'd go out or have a brief tryst with him (and guys, when we want you...we want you. Ain't no friends of ours gettin' in the way of us tapping if we really want you...let me make that clear right now).
So to her, their 10 minutes meant both jack and diddly. She honestly, truly, most likely didn't remember him the next day, at least not right away. If she had the gall to walk into a bar dressed like a skank and chat up a complete stranger - complete with cuddling and fondling, supposedly - then the blogger was probably just another notch on her garter belt and "who he really was" be damned.
The moment she left, the blogger should've had the sense to simply leave her phone at the bar and give the bartender a heads up before moving on to someone else.
What the Girl Did Wrong
Ladies...stop dressing like whores.
If you ain't workin' a corner or a high-class service and thus not gettin' a fat check outta this, cover that shit. Because this is precisely what happens when you advertise what you ain't sellin', and I don't know how many different times and ways women have to be told this. The "I don't always dress like this; I'm not that kind of person" line never gets you out of this type of bullshit the morning after.
FYI, chicas, skankwear is not an expression of "feminism". Only a whiny bitch with white privilege and a Daddy issue or two would think that a G-string and a sheer dress is "freedom". A cute miniskirt is one thing, and a micro with leggings another, but when all your shit is hanging out in a public venue, it's time to speak with a therapist.
You are not "oppressed" when you cover up. Only very delusional and uninformed women think this. And you are a not prude or a cold fish if you abstain from fucking strangers. And no...simply teasing strangers isn't the "safe" alternative. It's the dumb alternative. It's the rape statistic alternative. It's the stalker alternative.
So for the love of God, ladies, stop being such attention whores. You don't need every man's attention. You just need the attention of one good man (if you're even into men, that is), and even so, you ain't got to marry him right off the bat. It's okay to have someone responsible and mature, who drives his own car, lives in his own apartment/house, buys your drinks from the "top shelf", and walks your ass to your door at night. Someone who - when you finally do get nekkid together - will actually take the time to give two shits about what's going on with your body.
He doesn't need to be rich. He doesn't need to have a model's face or a six-pack. He doesn't need to have an exciting job or a "mysterious" past. He does, however, need to be a decent human being.
And ladies, don't leave your phone at a bar. Your manicurist's? Okay. Your hair stylist's? Sure. Even the home of that one relative you absolutely cannot stand is a better candidate than a friggin' bar. Pay attention to shit, ladies, and quit opening yourselves up to this type of nonsense. Because that's the cold hard truth here, children; what happened to this girl was disgusting...but she opened herself up to it.