Are You Shittin' Me?

...You can’t make up your mind, mind, mind, mind, mind
Please don’t waste my time, time, time, time, time
I’m not tryin’ to rewind, wind, wind, wind, wind
I wish our hearts could come together as one

Cause shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova’
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova’
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova’
Shorty is a eenie meenie miney mo lova’
~ "Eenie Meenie" by Sean Kingston, featuring Justin Bieber

Are you shittin' me????

Usher and Sean Kingston...how low can you go?  Riddle me this: what do a supposedly grown-assed man and a terminally prepubescent, thug-wannabe have in common where women are concerned?  Here's a hint, children: absolutely nada.  No matter how old the girls in the video are, there's some statutory rape being implied here. *shudder*

What's fucked up is that that's not even my primary complaint.  "Eenie meenie miney mo"?  Is this what the latest people-posing-as-lyricists have been reduced to?  It's bad enough that motherfucking techno absolutely refuses to crawl back to the 90s and die an honorable death, but now we've got grown men writing and singing "eenie meenie miney mo" in their - and I use this term loosely - "love" songs.

Usher should be slapped.  He discovered Bieber who, bless his undescended testicles, is actually gifted vocally, and could have a career spanning decades if he's handled properly.  But instead of sitting down, planning long-term, hiring vocal coaches and real composers and real lyricists, Usher keeps shoving the word "shawty" into Bieber's little mouth and it just will not fit, goddamn it!!!!  He's not "suave".  He's not a little thug.  There's nothing rugged, dangerous, or even remotely masculine about Justin Bieber.  First time I saw the child, I thought he was an underdeveloped teenaged lesbian singing love songs to a straight girl.

This is just the latest in the music industry's hall of shame.  While the degenerate Hannah Montana keeps churning out one abomination after the other, Timbaland - whom I adore - continues his unholy collaboration with Michael Jackson's long lost clone-gone-horribly.  With his newest wasted beat, Timbaland invokes the majestic inspiration of a friggin' drive-thru and digitally adds a little bass to Justin Timberlake's voice in the vain hope of convincing us he's a fully grown man.

Don't believe me?  If you're watching the vid, this is some of what you're hearing:
Baby, you're looking fine
I have you open all night like an iHop
I take you home baby let you keep me company
You gimme some of you, I give you some of me
You look good, baby must taste heavenly
I'm pretty sure that you got your own recipe
So pick it up, pick it up, yeah I like you
I just can't get enough I got to drive through
Cause it's me, you, you, me, me, you all night
Have it your, way, foreplay
Before I feed your appetite
Let me get my ticket baby, let me get in line
I can tell the way you like, baby, supersize
Hold on, you got yours, let me give mine
I aint leave until they turn over the closed sign
Check it
Take my order cause your body like a
Carry out
Let me walk into your body until you hear me out
Turn me on, my baby dont you
Cut me out...
Let me walk into your body until it's light's out
Turn me on, my baby dont you
Cut me out...

...Number one, I take two number threes
That's a whole lotta you and a side of me
Now is a fool of myself to want you full of me
And if its room for dessert then I want a piece
Baby get my order right, no errors
Imma touch you on the right areas
I can feed you, you can feed me
Girl deliver that to me, come see me...
Negro, seriously?  I mean, damn...I like to eat too, you know...*sniff*...but at some point we've got to set some limits!

Fashion tip Moi: Negroes, lose the Justins, or at least learn how to handle them correctly.  Scrap that: lose Timberlake, and let Timabaland take over Bieber's career.

And for the love of God, someone hire a proper lyricist!  All these mugs are millionaires - I'm pretty sure they can buy a poet off a street some-goddamn-where!

Comments

  1. Damn! What in the hell ever happened to vocabulary? I can't even begin to describe my disgust, w/the sheer stupidity of grown ass men refusing to be adults.

    I don't get it. Usher seems to be going through some things. His music is a hot mess right about now. Poor Bieber doesn't stand a chance.

    Justin Timberlake needs to go home. He had his 15 minutes already. Aaliyah covered all his "innovation" a decade ago w/Timbaland and Missy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What in the hell ever happened to vocabulary?

    'Tis the $64,000 question.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's bad enough that motherfucking techno absolutely refuses to crawl back to the 90s and die an honorable death...
    Amen.

    bless his undescended testicles
    *dead*

    Timbaland invokes the majestic inspiration of a friggin' drive-thru
    *woke up and died again*

    I decided to give up on listening to the radio a long time ago. Dear Usher, you remind me of a successful career that you once knew. Boy, one thing he did right with little Bieber is market him. I saw him on a Nickelodeon show before I even knew who he was. And Justin Timberlake has boy-band and Mickey Mouse Club roots. Remind me how he gets to grow up a fuckin' millionaire and act like he has any shred of street credentials. I don't get it.

    Here's the problem I have with Justin Bieber: everything. One of my kids was killin' his music around Christmas time. Here we are, a mere 5-6 months later, and even a child is tired of hearing his baby mouth which, incidentally, still has breastmilk on it, spitting out slang so foreign to his tongue that even a 10 year-old thinks he sounds "fake".

    ReplyDelete

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