Brandy & Ray J: American Has-Beens

*Warning: fans of this duo may want to skip this post.*

Does anyone actually give a fuck about these two anymore?  'Cause if so...by all means...let me know.

I won't lie; when Brandy first burst out onto the scene with "I Wanna Be Down", I wanted to be down too.  I wanted them braids and I loved reading about her in Jet.  But in my defense, y'all, I was in the seventh grade, and that was - quite literally - another century.

Now, I don't remember her brother being majorly successful - at all.  Disagree?  Okay then.  Count of three, name a Ray J song which topped international charts and sparked an epic worldwide tour which people all over the world couldn't stop buzzing about.  Ready?  One...two...three....

*crickets*

See, at the beginning of the premiere of their latest foray into reality television (which, in and of itself is the a sign of the apocalypse a celebrity's occupational demise), Brandy kicks off by listing her accomplishments - albums, cover of magazines, etc. - which famous people we can remember don't do, by the way.  Your name alone should its own resume.  "Samuel Jackson" - boom - resume.  "Morgan Freeman" - resume.  "Angela Bassett" - resume.  "Queen Latifah" - resume.

"Michael Jackson" - legend.

So if you feel you've done a lot and yet still have to recite your resume to us, then the will of the gods has been done for your career.  It is, thus, in your best interest (and remaining shred of dignity) to simply be grateful for whatever money and past fame you have while - quietly - sitting your ass back down.

Mind you, Ray J has had two seasons of one reality show before this, and still...nobody cares.  This whole attempt to show the Norwood family's everyday life does....what, exactly?  Let us know their parents have been hoin' them out to the industry since they were babies?  This family is a walking, overtalkative stereotype that's slowly but surely headed for disaster.  Disagree?  Okay then.  Let's go down the list, shall we?

1) Mom is the "controlling black Matriarch" - and yes, the capital M is deliberate.  She stands in the kitchen frying chicken in the premiere, with a spatula in one hand and a phone in the other ordering people to bring their asses over for dinner...even if they don't live there anymore and have got shit to do.

2) Dad is the too-quiet married black man who "stays too long at the office".  So naturally, any day now, we're going to find out he's been bangin' a young white girl on the side.

3) Every time we've paused to care about Brandy over the past sixteen years or so, she's getting dumped by whichever man she's with at the time, and in one case, even getting traded in for another woman.  A single mother (the "desperate" is implied), she can't even get Flo-motherfuckin'-Rida to ask her (not text her) out on a proper date...and then follow through (see what I mean?).

4) Ray J...enough said.

Did the recession hit the Norwoods pretty hard?  Do they need a check?  Is that it?  Because if I were Brandy, and I still had my millions - thriving music career or not - I'd be focusing on raising my child, and possibly furthering my education to set an appropriate example for said child.  Show of hands: how many of you struggling single parents out there would love to be millionaires with all the time in the world to simply focus on your kids and keep a good home?  *self-satisfied nod at the overwhelming response* That's what the hell I thought.

Now...I get her desire for a husband; lots of people want to be married and not have to raise children alone, and there's nothing wrong with that.  But if I were Brandy, I'd strictly be dating doctors, lawyers, engineers, professors, politicians even - you name it.  To hell with rappers, athletes, and producers!  Fuck staying in "the game."  Fuck fame.  If you've got your millions, and you've got a perfectly healthy child (or children),  then you have exactly 98.26% of what it takes to create the idyllic "happily ever after" scenario...outside the spotlight.

So get on with it.

(And please...spare me the "they got a show so someone must think they matter" excuse.  Please...Brett Michaels' cast-offs got a show - what does that tell you?)

Comments

  1. I loved Brandy I think Ray J ruined her career with his sex tape and and I was upset to hear about her reality show career suicide. I heard that she and Monica are recording a duet together so I hop Brandy can make a comeback, As for Ray J he can kick rocks.

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  2. Oh, hell yes he ruined her career...thanks to her parents. They should have kept their careers completely separate, and they should have reminded Ray J every day that he wasn't remotely as talented as his sister.

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  3. you. never. lied.

    I loved Brandy when I was...15 and she wasn't Moesha yet - I'm still thankful they aren't playing reruns of that lately. But Brandy needs to face up to the knowledge that she was a child star in an adult arena. That made her a gimmick back then, and she has done nothing to show otherwise since then. She had above-average singing skills, could handle choreography, and was cute. That works when you're a kid. Not when you're pushin' up on 30.

    I think her money's slipping through her fingers after the accident she caused and killed a mother in the process. She's had 3 lawsuits from it so far. The first settlement the husband tried to seek for himself and his children was 50 million. ...yeah - I wonder why he rejected the 1.2 million she offered.

    Reality television is not the answer. It's never the answer.

    And Ray J? *snort* ....no comment

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  4. That's right!!! She did have that accident! And it really did a number on what was left of her career!

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  5. Brandy is very talented but she is making a fool of herself trying to compete with the latest non singing pop starlet of the day. She'd do better to focus on adult contemporary RnB audiences, tour only during school breaks, and focus on raising her child and finding a suitable mate.

    My best friend watches this show like a train wreck, apparently Flo-Rida backed out of a Grammy date invitation. When you have to rely on a date to get a ticket to the Grammies it is time to move on.

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  6. When you have to rely on a date to get a ticket to the Grammies it is time to move on.

    That's what I'm saying!!!!

    (Btw...really glad the site didn't your comment this time).

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  7. 4) Ray J...enough said.

    LMAO!

    I've heard about this show. As in I've only heard that they have a reality show. I don't know anything about it. I think the only people who watch are people who already love reality shows. It doesn't matter who's in it, they know it's going to be a trainwreck. That's the only reason I can think of why people would tune in to see them. I'm thinking it won't last more than a season.

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