Brandy & Ray J: American Has-Beens
Does anyone actually give a fuck about these two anymore? 'Cause if so...by all means...let me know.
I won't lie; when Brandy first burst out onto the scene with "I Wanna Be Down", I wanted to be down too. I wanted them braids and I loved reading about her in Jet. But in my defense, y'all, I was in the seventh grade, and that was - quite literally - another century.
Now, I don't remember her brother being majorly successful - at all. Disagree? Okay then. Count of three, name a Ray J song which topped international charts and sparked an epic worldwide tour which people all over the world couldn't stop buzzing about. Ready? One...two...three....
See, at the beginning of the premiere of their latest foray into reality television (which, in and of itself is the a sign of
"Michael Jackson" - legend.
So if you feel you've done a lot and yet still have to recite your resume to us, then the will of the gods has been done for your career. It is, thus, in your best interest (and remaining shred of dignity) to simply be grateful for whatever money and past fame you have while - quietly - sitting your ass back down.
Mind you, Ray J has had two seasons of one reality show before this, and still...nobody cares. This whole attempt to show the Norwood family's everyday life does....what, exactly? Let us know their parents have been hoin' them out to the industry since they were babies? This family is a walking, overtalkative stereotype that's slowly but surely headed for disaster. Disagree? Okay then. Let's go down the list, shall we?
1) Mom is the "controlling black Matriarch" - and yes, the capital M is deliberate. She stands in the kitchen frying chicken in the premiere, with a spatula in one hand and a phone in the other ordering people to bring their asses over for dinner...even if they don't live there anymore and have got shit to do.
2) Dad is the too-quiet married black man who "stays too long at the office". So naturally, any day now, we're going to find out he's been bangin' a young white girl on the side.
3) Every time we've paused to care about Brandy over the past sixteen years or so, she's getting dumped by whichever man she's with at the time, and in one case, even getting traded in for another woman. A single mother (the "desperate" is implied), she can't even get Flo-motherfuckin'-Rida to ask her (not text her) out on a proper date...and then follow through (see what I mean?).
4) Ray J...enough said.
Did the recession hit the Norwoods pretty hard? Do they need a check? Is that it? Because if I were Brandy, and I still had my millions - thriving music career or not - I'd be focusing on raising my child, and possibly furthering my education to set an appropriate example for said child. Show of hands: how many of you struggling single parents out there would love to be millionaires with all the time in the world to simply focus on your kids and keep a good home? *self-satisfied nod at the overwhelming response* That's what the hell I thought.
Now...I get her desire for a husband; lots of people want to be married and not have to raise children alone, and there's nothing wrong with that. But if I were Brandy, I'd strictly be dating doctors, lawyers, engineers, professors, politicians even - you name it. To hell with rappers, athletes, and producers! Fuck staying in "the game." Fuck fame. If you've got your millions, and you've got a perfectly healthy child (or children), then you have exactly 98.26% of what it takes to create the idyllic "happily ever after" scenario...outside the spotlight.
So get on with it.
(And please...spare me the "they got a show so someone must think they matter" excuse. Please...Brett Michaels' cast-offs got a show - what does that tell you?)